Best TV Lines
Best Lines of the Week (October 14-20): ‘I’m Mick Fleetwood?’
Best Lines of the Week (August 5-11): ‘Knees Before Cheese’
Best Lines of the Week (July 29-August 4): ‘You Need to Uno Reverse Card This’
Best Lines of the Week (July 22-28): ‘If You Think You Could Be in Danger, You Are in Danger’
Best Lines of the Week (July 15-21): ‘It’s Only 9 p.m., the 9 a.m. of Nights’
Best Lines of the Week (July 8-14): ‘From Now on, I’m Calling the Shots’
Best Lines of the Week (July 1-7): ‘Never Change, Dustin Henderson’
Best Lines of the Week (June 24-30): ‘I’d Rather Be Dead Than Boring’
Best Lines of the Week (April 22-28): ‘Whole New Meaning to the British Invasion’
Best Lines of the Week (April 15-21): ‘Real Brides Arrive Late’
Best Lines of the Week (April 8-14): ‘Everyone Has a Right to Redeem Themselves’
Best Lines of the Week (April 1-7): ‘The Kardashian Machine’
Best Lines of the Week (March 25-31): ‘You Are the Bane of My Existence’
Best Lines of the Week (March 18-24): ‘That’s Funny, I Feel 100’
Best Lines of the Week (March 11-17): ‘You’re Not as Strong as You Think’
Best Lines of the Week (March 4-10): ‘Welcome to the Panic Attack Room’
Best Lines of the Week (February 25-March 3): ‘You Have The Attention Span of a Rainbow Trout’
Best Lines of the Week (February 4-10): ‘You Said Memories Exist Outside of Time’
Best Lines of the Week (January 28-February 3): ‘You Are Chasing the Wrong Blonde in the Wrong City’
Best Lines of the Week (December 3-9): ‘Put Purell on Everything / Turkey, Eggnog, Candy Cane’
Best Lines of the Week (November 26-December 2): ‘When The World Says Slow, We Say Go’
Best Lines of the Week (November 12-18): ‘You Don’t Break Up With Someone By Fax’
Best Lines of the Week (November 5-11): ‘I’ll Be OK’
Best Lines of the Week (October 29-November 4): ‘So This Is What Being Canceled Looks Like!’
Best Lines of the Week (October 22-28): ‘I’m Back and I’m Blonde!’
Best Lines of the Week (October 15-21): ‘What a Terrific God-Damned Finale This Is Going to Be’
Best Lines of the Week (October 8-14): ‘I Gave Them Their Voices Back’
Best Lines of the Week (October 1-7): ‘This Isn’t Black, This Is Dark Heather Charcoal’
Best Lines of the Week (September 24-30): ‘I Know This Isn’t Your Fault, But I Do Not Like You’
Best Lines of the Week (September 10-16): ‘The Story of New York Is Gross’
Best Lines of the Week (August 6-August 12): ‘Obviously Imperialism Was Bad’
Best Lines of the Week (July 9-15): ‘Don’t Let That Hurt Child Make Your Grown Up Decisions’
Best Lines of the Week (October 2-8): ‘Just Breathless With Love’
Best Lines of the Week (September 25-October 1): ‘Peace Don’t Last for Long’
Best Lines of the Week (August 7-13): ‘Love Yourself’
Best Lines of the Week (July 31-August 6): ‘Swiffer Would Be on It’
Best Lines on TV (July 24-30): ‘It’s a Time of Progress’
Best Lines on TV (July 17-23): ‘Oh, You Know What I Meant’
Best Lines on TV (July 10-16): ‘It’s a No From Me, Dawg’
Best Lines of the Week (July 3-9): ‘I’ll Try’
Best Lines of the Week (June 26-July 2): ‘Gosh, Get Over It!’
Best Lines of the Week (June 19-25): ‘I’m Coming for Him’
Best Lines of the Week (June 12-18): ‘Finger-licking Good’
Best Lines of the Week (May 29-June 4): ‘Offensive & Out of Date, Just Like You’
Best Lines of the Week (May 8-14): ‘And I Am At Your Mercy’
Best Lines of the Week (April 3-9): ‘Just Wanted One Last Look’
Best Lines of the Week (September 27-October 3): ‘We’re All Unique. But We’re Also the Same.’
Best Lines of the Week (September 6-12): ‘He Came Out of Retirement and Found Me’
Best Lines of the Week (August 9-15): ‘I Was in My Prime Before You Were Born’
Best Lines of the Week (August 3-8): ‘I’ll Tell You What I Haven’t Had: A Burger Made by a Robot’
Best Lines of the Week (July 26-August 2): ‘Don’t You Ever Besmirch Billy Joel’
Best Lines of the Week (July 21-27): ‘My Marriage Is A Scam’
Best Lines of the Week (July 14-20): ‘Jesus Still Loves Me’
Best Lines of the Week (July 7-13): ‘You Can’t Be Handsome and Funny’
Best Lines of the Week (June 30-July 6): ‘What Shall We Call That, Foreplay?’
Best Lines of the Week (June 23-29): ‘Change Your Shoes and Fix Your Life’
Best Lines of the Week (June 9-15): ‘When Somebody’s Wearing a Mask, He’s Going to Tell the Truth’
Best Lines of the Week (May 5-11): ‘My Love For You Will Never Die’
Best Lines of the Week (April 28-May 4): ‘Sorry I’m Late, Traffic Was Hell’
Best Lines of the Week (April 21-27): ‘Grad School Waits for No Dominatrix!’
Best Lines of the Week (April 14-20): ‘If You Want a Queen, Earn Her’
Best Lines of the Week (March 31-April 6): “Together We Set the World on Fire”
Best Lines of the Week (March 24-31): ‘I Go By Jason Now’
Best Lines of the Week (March 17-23): ‘You Know I Heart You Like a Homely Sister’
Best Lines of the Week (March 10-16): ‘It Smells Like Pennies and Burps’
Best Lines of the Week (March 3-9): ‘A Uterus Is Like an Escape Room for Babies’
