Scroll down to see which quotes from this week stuck with us.
Yellowstone (Paramount Network)
“I have a solution, Lynelle. You leave the blanket right where it is. I’ll resign as Livestock Commissioner and accept full responsibility for my agents’ overreach. And you, you stop looking. You let it go. You talk about militias and human smuggling and you take the credit. And you leave me and my family out of it.”
“Yeah, Bel Air! Nothing like getting up early, voting for Bloomberg, and heading into work with a gut full of beef chow mein.”
– Hasan Minhaj jokes about the voting facility in Bel Air that provides voters with a full buffet, beverages, and even a harpist.
90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days (TLC)
“I’ve got to go on a diet. I didn’t realize how fat I look on my vespa.”
– Big Ed comments on his appearance as he rewatches the first episode of the series in the special B90 Strikes Back.
America's Got Talent (NBC)
“If I win, I’m taking you to Goodwill to get you some colorful T-shirts so that you can brighten up this audience and this room.”
– Season 15 Week 5 contestant Serban Cioca makes a promise to Simon Cowell before performing what Simon ends up calling “the worst singing act ever.”
Taste the Nation with Padma Lakshmi (Hulu)
“I came to America when I was four. I’m an immigrant, and I’m not alone. I’ve spent my life writing about food and tasting the world. Now, I want to explore who we are through the food we eat. What exactly is American food? And what makes us American?”
– Padma Lakshmi introduces her new Hulu original series, in which she travels across America to explore the culture behind foods from a variety of immigrant groups in order to demonstrate the richness that is brought into our country from people originally beyond our borders.
“Tell Father Christmas I’m coming for him.”
— Vic McQueen (Ashleigh Cummings) has grown into even more of a badass after an eight-year time jump in Season 2 of the AMC horror series.
RuPaul's Drag Race (VH1)
Miz Cracker: “Listen, sweetheart, you’re trying to make-“
Alexis Mateo: “DON’T sweetheart me, because I’m NOT sweethearting you.”
– The shade gets particularly heated between Miz Cracker and Alexis Mateo after the latter overheard a workroom conversation that doesn’t sit right with her.
Celebrity Show-Off (TBS)
“You know, it’s always important to have a few extra costumes in the closet just in case a pandemic should happen.”
– Jason Mraz comments on his hilarious segment that he self-filmed in an effort to entertain the most people for a chance to win the show.
Tournament of Laughs (TBS)
“Don’t ever, ever come in the shower with me. I don’t care if we’re two people, we ain’t ever going to be nude. Get the f**k out! Leave me in the shower alone!”
– Michael Rapaport poses as a picky househunter on his bit for the new TBS comedy competition series.
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)
“There is absolutely no one in the room with me right now. Although, interestingly, that’s still somehow only slightly fewer people than were at President Trump’s Oklahoma rally….”
– John Oliver compares the state of his show in quarantine to the attendance at the President’s recent stadium event.