Best Lines of the Week (August 6-August 12): ‘Obviously Imperialism Was Bad’

The White Lotus Season 1 Episode 5 Steve Zahn Featured
HBO

Fall is just a few weeks away and we’re already seeing some exciting premieres on our screens. Brooklyn Nine-Nine returned for its final season with some outrageous political jokes, while Marvel’s What If…? gave us a taste of an alternate reality when it kicked off this week.

Elsewhere, Ted Lasso showed us some awkward-but-funny family drama, The White Lotus continued to impress with just how terrible all of its characters are as people, and Reservation Dogs proved once again how funny Taika Waititi‘s off-kilter comedy can be.

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'B99' Confronts Police Brutality & Racism in Final Season Premiere (RECAP)

After the events of 2020, it was clear 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine' had some real-world issues to address — and it does so in its final season premiere.

Scroll down for all of our favorites this week!

Brooklyn Nine-Nine Season 8 Episode 1 Boyle Dashiki
NBC

Brooklyn Nine-Nine (NBC)

“Yeah, you’re lucky you weren’t here on Juneteenth, he went full Schumer.”

— Terry (Terry Crews) remembers Boyle’s (Joe Lo Truglio) white guilt manifesting in wearing a dashiki like Senator Chuck Schumer.

American Horror Stories Season 1 Episode 6 Birch
FX

American Horror Stories (FX)

“This ain’t no f*cking marriage retreat, and I sure as hell ain’t Dr. Phil. You can work out your sh*t later. We need to keep moving.”

— Birch (Blake Shields), a hunter trying to help a couple find their missing child, has no problem being sarcastic when he tells them to stop fighting.

MasterChef: Legends Season 11 Episode 9 Roy Choi
Fox

MasterChef: Legends (Fox)

Gordon: “It’s taken us 10 years to get him here, so…”

Roy: “I’m shy.”

Gordon Ramsay joking about how long it took to get Roy Choi to guest star.

Dave Season 2 Episode 10 Lil Dicky
FX

Dave (FX)

“The sun is eviscerating me ‘cause of the Accutane.”

— Dave (Lil Dicky) models as part of a billboard advertising his new album high up in the sky.

Philly Philly Wang Wang
Netflix

Philly Philly Wang Wang (Netflix)

“I can’t wait to do the show. I hope it is all still relevant. This show is about Brexit and how much I want to meet Prince Philip.”

— Comedian Phil Wang jokes about the pandemic and his jokes being too outdated for this long overdue show.

The White Lotus Season 1 Episode 5 Steve Zahn
HBO

White Lotus (HBO)

“Look, obviously imperialism was bad. Shouldn’t kill people, steal their land, and then make them dance. Everybody knows that. But it’s humanity.”

— Mossbacher patriarch Mark (Steve Zahn) gets really close to understanding why his daughter’s friend doesn’t like seeing native Hawaiians dance for them, but just misses the point.

Ted Lasso Season 2 Episode 3
Apple TV+

Ted Lasso (Apple TV+)

Nora: “Then you’re coming back, right?”

Rebecca: “Yes, why?”

Nora: “Ah, just making sure you’re not gonna disappear for another six years.”

— Nora (Kiki May) cracks a joke at her absent godmother Rebecca’s (Hannah Waddingham) expense.

Rick and Morty Season 5 Episode 8 Rick
Adult Swim

Rick and Morty (Adult Swim)

“Morty, I’m trying to stay humble right now, but as soon as you guys are gone, the potential for a new Pickle Rick starts skyrocketing.”

— Rick (Justin Roiland) warns his family about what they’re in for if they stick around in a callback to the classic episode where Rick became a pickle.

What If...? Season 1 Episode 1
Disney+

What If…? (Disney+)

Peggy: The way people view me has changed. I’m no longer screaming to be heard, to be seen, to be in the room…

Steve: To be respected.

— Peggy (Hayley Atwell) describes to Steve (Josh Keaton) how her experience with sexism has changed after becoming Captain Carter.

Reservation Dogs Season 1 Episode 1 Kawennáhere Devery Jacobs
FX

Reservation Dogs (FX)

Bear: “Seat belt safety.”

Elora: “We’re stealing a f*cking chip truck.”

— Elora Danan (Kawennáhere Devery Jacobs) scoffs at Bear Smallhill (D’Pharaoh Woon-A-Ta) for telling her to wear a seatbelt as they’re stealing a truck.