Best Lines of the Week (July 26-August 2): 'Don't You Ever Besmirch Billy Joel'

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Epix/The CW/Prime Video
hannahtyler
ABC

The Bachelorette (ABC)

“I want somebody to be bold. And I’m bold. And I make bold moves. So, I mean, you’re an incredible guy, and I’m a single girl. So, I don’t know, I just thought maybe we could go for a drink and just hang out.”

—Hannah asks Tyler C. for a second chance at their relationship after breaking up with Jed.

theboys
Prime Video

The Boys (Prime Video)

“Don’t you ever besmirch Billy Joel.”

—Hughie (Jack Quaid) gets serious about his favorite artist.

janevirg
The CW

Jane the Virgin (The CW)

Rafael: So, I never asked you. What happens at the end of your book?

Jane: They make it into a telenovela. 

Rafael: Well, who’d want to watch that?

—Jane (Gina Rodriguez) and Rafael (Justin Baldoni) give a very meta ending to the series.

macmiller
Showtime

Shangri-La (Showtime)

“Been an interesting journey for me to realize that the goal here is just to be as much me as possible. That’s it, that’s the only goal. And how do we get that out of me and into whatever we’re making.”

—The late rapper Mac Miller talks with Rick Rubin about his music. 

pennyworth
Epix

Pennyworth (Epix)

“This great nation of ours is at war with itself, the forces of order and virtue battling extreme evil.”

—Lord Harwood (Jason Flemyng) gives a warning to Alfred (Jack Bannon).

dearwhitepeople
Netflix

Dear White People (Netflix)

Lionel: We did not come all this way for more riddles and hoops. After all that, just more of the same?

Sam: He’s right. It’s like the third season of a Netflix show.

—Sam (Logan Browning) and Lionel (DeRon Horton) get frustrated with where their search for a secret society leads them in the third season opener.

davidspade
Comedy Central

Lights Out With David Spade (Comedy Central)

“People say to me, and it’s mean — the only reason you’ve gotten anything in show business is because of Adam Sandler. I mean he’s a cool guy but, honestly, if you look at it, he’s only helped me get Grown Ups. And Grown Ups 2. And maybe Benchwarmers….And three Netflix movies, and seven years on Rules of Engagement. And he co-signed on my house. Other than that, the dude hasn’t gotten me jack sh*t, alright. And I got this one all by myself…with a little bit of help from Chris Rock.”

—David Spade explains how he got his own comedy show. 

elementary
CBS

Elementary (CBS)

“After all, dismantling global criminal enterprises is an area in which I have some expertise. Shall we attack it together?”

—Holmes’ father, Morland (John Noble), proposes he and his son team up to stop an enemy.  

archerrrr
FXX

Archer (FXX)

 “Order, or I will hold you all in a different kind of contempt!”

—Ray (voiced by creator Adam Reed) presides as judge in a bizarre, but hilarious, trial during the Season 10 finale.

siren
Freeform

Siren (Freeform)

“I couldn’t save him.”

—Ben (Alex Roe) lies to Maddy (Fola Evans-Akingbola) about trying to rescue Ian (Luc Roderique) from underwater.

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From new beginnings on The Boys and Pennyworth to dramatic endings on Jane the Virgin and The Bachelorette, here are this week's best TV quotes. Click through our gallery for everything you won't want to miss.

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