Best Lines of the Week (July 21-27): ‘My Marriage Is A Scam’

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Orange Is the New Black (Netflix)

“I’m a Gemini. In Latin, gemini means twins. So there’s this inherent duality to me, right. If you believe this shit. ”

—Piper (Taylor Schilling) uses astrology to gain insight into herself and her future once she gets out of prison.


Big Little Lies (HBO)

Mary Louise: How are we today?

Renata: How are ‘we’? We are wrought, Mary Louise.

Mary Louise: Oh.

Renata: We are worried about a wonderful mother who’s being put through an onerous, if not despicably cruel, court procedure to, what? Get to be with her own kids? We’re wrought.

—Renata (Laura Dern) tells off Mary Louise (Meryl Streep) before Celeste’s (Nicole Kidman) custody trial.

National Geographic

Gordon Ramsay: Uncharted (National Geographic)

“Of course, the best view of the Sacred Valley would have to be a 1,300 foot climb up a sheer rock face. For a challenge like this, you need balance, courage and, above all, comprehensive insurance.”

—Gordon Ramsay gets taken to new heights in Peru’s Sacred Valley.


Pose (FX)

“I want this sh*t out of me. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of not knowing what it’s doing to my insides. I’m sick of not knowing how fast or how slow I’m gonna go.”

—Pray Tell (Billy Porter) breaks down regarding his ongoing battle with HIV.


The Family Chantel (TLC)

Chantel: I basically found out my marriage is a scam.

Chantel’s mother: I knew it. I saw it.

—Chantel’s mother can’t hide her feelings when Chantel reveals Pedro’s family always wanted him to find an American bride so that he could send home money.


Cash Pad (CNBC)

Jordan: How long have you guys been married?

The Rolhfs: Thirty-seven years in May.

JoJo: And you’re still going strong. We’re just engaged. We could probably learn a few things from you, but we keep it alive.

Jordan: The flame’s alive?

JoJo: It’s alive, baby.

Bachelorette couple JoJo and Jordan give a glimpse into their relationship while helping a married couple renovate their cottage.


Pearson (USA)

Jessica: We’re gonna be working for the same man. And the way I see it, that puts us on the same team.

Nick: Nick D’Amato.

Jessica: Nice to meet you, Nick D’Amato. Maybe next time you’re lurking in the shadows, you’ll make a proper introduction.

—Jessica (Gina Torres) tries to learn more about the mayor’s mysterious driver.


Good Trouble (Freeform)

“Well apparently I’m not surprising. You know, I once bought oat milk on a whim. Remember that?”

—Alice (Sherry Cola) worries about being too predictable.

The CW

iZombie (The CW)

“No class today, kids. That tutor you all loved? He was lying to us and helped with a plan to spread zombie-ism outside the wall. Yes, my long lost dad, the drug addict who accidentally created zombies, was one of the masterminds, but he had a change of heart…right before I watched him get killed.”

—Liv (Rose McIver) tries to make sense of her current situation.


The Late Late Show with James Cordon (CBS)

Sutton Foster: It’s a great hobby that I think keeps me sane.

Eddie Izzard: Have you tried drinking?

—James’s guests discuss Sutton’s crocheting fascination.

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From emotional farewells on Orange Is the New Black and Big Little Lies to fun new releases like Cash Pad and Gordon Ramsay: Uncharted, this week in TV had a little bit of everything.

Catch all the best quotes in the gallery above!

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