’90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After?’: Karma’s a You-Know-What (RECAP)

[Warning: The below contains MAJOR spoilers for Season 5, Episode 13 of 90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After?]

The couples get what they’re asking for this week, from Colt’s comeuppance to Angela and Michael’s long-awaited wedding. Also, Paul finally proves he’s (literally) full of crap. What goes around really does come around.

Last Chance

Kalani speaks with her mom at their house in Utah. She struggles to decide what the next steps should be for her relationship with Asuelu and decides they should try marriage counseling. “I feel like I’ve tried my hardest with this marriage and I’m doing everything I can to fix it,” Kalani tells the camera. “This is it, this has to be it because I can’t keep living like this. It’s insane.”

Her mother Lisa voices her own concerns. “I think that when Asuelu was in Samoa, he was a good actor. I think he fooled my daughter into thinking he was something he wasn’t and was going to be something that he never intended to be,” Lisa stresses. “But at some point, he has to make a decision if it’s worth him adjusting to life in America or just wanting to go back to Samoa and live the way he’s comfortable with.”

Kalani asks Asuelu to see a therapist with her. He asks if it’s “white people,” to which she says that anyone can be a counselor. “But if we go there and it’s white people, they don’t understand my side,” he responds. He hopes that their marriage therapist is also from Samoa to fully empathize with his situation. Asuelu also requests a translator.

“I’m giving him a last chance and he’s either going to take it or take his s**t out of the house,” Kalani summarizes in a confessional.

Blame Game

Back in Las Vegas, Jess is still yelling at Colt for his inappropriate photos circulating online. He finally also tells her that his former friend with benefits moved into his house. “She sleeps in the third bedroom,” he simply states.

“No, she sleep in your bed. Colt, stop lying, please,” Jess shrugs. “I [wasn’t] born yesterday.” Colt repeatedly tells her that he’s still in love with her (even though his actions prove otherwise), and she starts shouting, which prompts Debbie to appear at the top of the stairs.

Debbie enters into the conversation, no doubt to just make things worse. “I feel sorry for her, I really do, but I think [Jess] just brought this on herself,” Debbie defends Colt to the camera. Yes, let’s blame the woman who was cheated on and not the cheater. Debbie does hug Jess, who is now crying, but still defends Colt’s decision to let Vanessa move in.

Colt awkwardly tries to smooth things over with a broad apology. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t a very good boyfriend,” he mumbles. Jess leaves the house, explaining in a confessional that she doesn’t want Colt in her life anymore.

A Rainbow of Emotions

Angela confronts Michael about the dancing women at the joint bachelor-bachelorette party. However, he has a surprise for her: her very colorful bridal bouquet has arrived. “You always pull this s**t when I try to get on your damn a**,” Angela jokes. She starts tearing up at the thought of her family not being at their wedding, but Michael makes a unique cocktail of Heineken, soda, and hot sauce to calm her down.

“I love you with all my heart, but you have got to start showing me and not telling me what I want. Actions, the words have got to stop. If you’re sorry, show me. It’s that simple,” she stresses to him.

“I will amend my ways,” Michael comforts her. “I’m telling you from my heart I will make changes, OK?”

Corruption Charges

Elizabeth, her family, and Andrei go for a walk in Moldova. They stumble upon a carnival-style boxing machine and measure all their powerful punches. Elizabeth’s sister Jenn of course takes the casual opportunity to announce that she spoke with Andrei’s friend Marcel and found out why Andrei really left the country.

“What he told us really worried me,” Elizabeth’s dad Chuck echoes Jenn. “Basically you were forced out of your country. That’s what he said.” Elizabeth denies the claim and puckers her face.

But Andrei confirms what Marcel had told them. He explains that being a police officer in Moldova has many layers of corruption and he was set up. If he didn’t flee the country, Andrei says that he could have been driving either a “$100,000 car” or been in jail. Chuck and Elizabeth’s brother Charlie still have some reservations but do empathize with Andrei’s story.

Elizabeth tries to play the victim and says that she is blindsided by this news. Andrei grows frustrated, repeatedly reminding her that he had previously opened up to her about everything. “I literally told you what happened, Lib,” he calmly states.

“Arguing More Than Loving”

Tania and Syngin uncomfortably travel with his family to a winery after their big fight the night before. “We got to see the real you last night,” Syngin’s stepfather tells Tania. Syngin’s mother says that she felt “hurt” by the argument.

“I know I have some control issues and stuff,” Tania defends herself. “From the very beginning I feel like I was really serious and Syngin shared with me not too long ago that he’s just getting responsibility…I want us to work on things and I don’t want it to be such a struggle for us for the next 10 years.”

“But if it ever gets to the point where you guys end up arguing more than loving, then the warning signs should go off, you understand? Because you’re not in a marriage to argue and fight all the time. You should be there to love each other,” Syngin’s stepfather continues.

Full of Crap

Paul takes Karine and their son Pierre to a water treatment plant as some sort of gross field trip. He also hopes to find a job there and tells the camera that having his wife and baby there might boost his chances. “It’s a poop water facility,” he proudly tells Karine. She rightfully points out that Paul was terrified of the “poop water” in Brazil but now is seeking it out in the U.S. Who’s more full of crap: Paul or the sewage plant?

“Paul keeps trying to convince me that America is better than Brazil. But I don’t care about that,” Karine explains in a confessional. After the tour, Paul opens up about his reaction to her meeting with an immigration attorney.

“You have job, we live here. But you don’t have a job,” Karine explains. “I’m here, I’m alone, I miss my family.” Paul hadn’t found work within her two-month ultimatum, and he agrees to compromise and go back to Brazil temporarily.

“I don’t know if I want to give up on America, but for now it’s the best for my family,” Karine states to the camera. “So it’s time for us to go home to Brazil.”

Pimp Problems

Jess reaches out to Larissa, and Colt’s two exes finally meet face-to-face. “Last night, I broke up with Colt,” Jess starts out. “I think Colt used me…to maybe make you jealous because going to Brazil, meeting my family….He say ‘oh Brazilian girls, I make Larissa jealous.'” She also tells Larissa about the eight women to whom Colt sent nude photos.

“I feel like he wants to be a pimp,” Larissa agrees. They also laugh about how un-well endowed Colt is.

Jess also tells Larissa that Vanessa moved in with him; Larissa reveals that Colt had been talking to Vanessa while they were still married and Vanessa had sent him a Groupon present with a flirtatious note. Larissa comforts Jess, and Jess thanks her for “opening her eyes.”

“I’m very happy that she finally woke up and saw that Colt is bad,” Larissa says in a confessional. “It’s very happy to know that Colt is sad and lonely because he deserves everything that’s happening to him.”

Wedding Day

It’s the morning of Angela and Michael’s nuptials. She is both giddy and anxious. She hopes things go smoothly but also wishes her family was there. Angela calls her daughter Skyla and grandchildren. They wish her good luck, but Skyla also says that she can be a “runaway bride” if she needs to.

“It’s definitely bittersweet that my family is missing a huge event in my life, but I’m just praying that I can keep my promise to them and bring Michael over to the States,” Angela explains to the camera. “But he might never make it to the States. We still have to go through a spousal visa and it can be denied. This could be all for nothing.”

Pinky Promises and Compromises

Asuelu and Kalani meet with a marriage counselor. While she couldn’t find a Samoan therapist, she did specifically pick a male counselor to please Asuelu and invite a translator to the appointment as well. Asuelu and Kalani pinky promise to both be honest in the session.

With the therapist, Asuelu opens up about his anger with Kalani disrespecting his wishes. “In Samoa, the dad is the head of the family, and the mom is the neck, so there is a line between the mom and the dad that you do not cross,” he explains.

“I think that’s the biggest thing, that he thinks that because he’s my husband, I am his property,” Kalani responds. The therapist gives them “homework” to document which roles they want each other to have in the marriage and household. Both Asuelu and Kalani agree to work on things.

“If fixing things with Asuelu’s family makes him feel better, then I guess I’ll try,” Kalani voices in a confessional. “But I’m not going to let them say the things that they said in Washington or treat me the way that they did there. That’s just not going to work for me.”

Red Flags Raised

Tania and Syngin meet for drinks with his former roommates, Andrew and James. Both roommates joke that they were shocked that Tania and Syngin got married. Soon into the conversation, she begins complaining about Syngin. “There were so many flags back then,” she somewhat jokes about the early days of dating him. “Like all these flags that come up now, I think ‘why did I even stay?’ But it was not a big deal at the time.”

Andrew rightfully explains in a confessional that Tania’s retrospective on red flags proves she was in denial. “You saw it but you just chose not to believe it,” he says. “[Syngin] was completely honest and blatant with everything. You sold yourself.”

James also stands up for Syngin in front of Tania. He calls her out on the inconsistencies in her story and urges her to have more patience. She starts crying, and the couple once again resume their screaming match. “How can I be a housewife for someone who doesn’t want to give me a house?!” Tania wails. “So how can you love that about me?”

The evening ends with Tania explaining that she “needs to do some thinking” about what she wants her future to look like, with or without Syngin.

Secrets Secrets Are No Fun

Elizabeth speaks with Andrei privately about his past as a detective in Moldova. “I’m not going to explain myself twice,” he groans.

“I will not marry you again without knowing the 100% truth,” she threatens. “That’s not the truth.”

“Working as an investigator has a lot of responsibilities. Investigating cases needs people to go to jail. Some people have other connections. They ask higher rank people that are working the same department to do actions to get those people in jail. They asked me to do some stuff. I didn’t do it. I refused to do it,” Andrei explains again. “I left. I had to leave the country because if I didn’t leave, they would set me up. I would lose everything, not only my job, I would lose my f**king life.” Andrei also calls his departure from Moldova “an escape” and that law enforcement in Moldova is “like the mob.”

“That’s not so bad. You could have just told me that from the beginning,” Elizabeth says. She dramatically states that she feels like she doesn’t know her husband on the eve of their second wedding. Andrei apologizes to her and tries to calm her down. They embrace, but Elizabeth hopes his honesty continues.

All for Nothing?

Angela enters the bridal suite with high anxiety. Her hairdresser also burns her shoulder with the flat iron, and things are not getting off to a good start. “My nerves right now are shot and I don’t know if I can do this,” Angela stresses.

In another suite, Michael’s friends ask if he has any reservations about marrying Angela. Michael is confident in his feelings for her and scolds his friends for even having female dancers at the bachelor party. “I love Angela so much. She loves me, too, and I want to be with her,” Michael tells the camera. “Though we might be having our ups and downs, deeply we love each other. What else do you want in a marriage other than love and affection?”

Angela fixes her bridal crown, smokes a cigarette, and has one last moment of panic before heading down the aisle. “My head is spinning right now. I don’t know what to do,” she vents to the camera. “What if we don’t get the spousal visa approval? What if Michael can’t ever come to America? What then? Or what if he gets to the States and he doesn’t like living with my grandkids, my mom, my daughter? Then what? All this will be done for nothing.”

Previews

Next week, Elizabeth and Andrei have their second wedding, where her brother Chuck gets a little too intoxicated. Paul and Karine prepare to leave for Brazil, while Kalani’s parents meet with Asuelu’s mother and sister. Also, Angela might have qualms with the wedding ceremony, and Colt agrees that he needs boundaries from Debbie when it comes to his love life. He also vomits into a trash can. Larissa undergoes her implant surgery and has medical complications.

Until next week!

90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After?, Sundays, 8/7c, TLC