'90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days': A Cringeworthy Cry for Help (RECAP)
[Warning: The below contains MAJOR spoilers for Season 4, Episode 14 of 90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days.]
Who would have thought Geoffrey had issues with women? From Geoffrey's pleasure of watching two women fight over him to David's awkward advances with Lana, this episode specializes in cringe.
Varya and Mary immediately launch into a screaming match in front of both Geoffrey and his son, Paxton. "It's absolutely crazy seeing Varya in my driveway, at my front door," Geoffrey confesses, acknowledging the situation isn't fair to his longtime friend and new love, Mary.
"[Mary] just irritates me being here right now," Varya screams.
"I feel like a fool," Mary tells the camera. "I don't like feeling this way. It's not fair." Her genuinely hurt reaction proves she wasn't in on whatever scheme Varya and Geoffrey probably had planned for their big reunion.
Varya presses Geoffrey if her being in Knoxville is a "bad surprise," but he just stays silent. Mary goes to leave, and Varya literally quotes Ludacris: "move b**ch, get out the way." Who pegged her for a rap fan? Excuse us while we pause to listen to a classic track right now.
"My place is here. Your place is there, so go," Varya hisses. So much for her cute, sweet personality in Russia.
Geoffrey seems to be taking glee in this whole debacle. His sly grin and slight chuckle every time Varya insults Mary is cringing to watch. "He just stood there and just didn't do anything other than twiddle his thumbs and cross his arms. It's like, what the actual f**k, dude? What are you doing?" Mary tells the camera. We couldn't agree more.
David and Lana stroll through Kiev, although she looks like she's being held captive. His leering smile makes for uneasy silences as the couple orders coffee at a café. They use a translator app to communicate, and David promises to provide Lana with English lessons before taking a ton of selfies to prove she's a real person and not a figment of his imagination.
"It's very hard for me not to look at you. I want to look at your eyes all the time," he tells her with the conviction of Buffalo Bill and the sternness of Agent Cooper. No wonder Lana didn't tell him her real address.
David unwisely admits to hiring a private investigator to track her down, and Lana just says that she thinks it's time to go home.
Pain, Pain Go Away
The painfully whiny Stephanie prepares to leave Australia. "My relationship with Erika is over. I'm sad, I'm disappointed. I really did love her," Stephanie admits. "I still do. You don't just stop caring about somebody because you break up."
She then complains about not being able to talk to her mom about the trip and muses on why things went wrong with Erika. Of course, she can't see past herself. "I was hoping [Erika] would be at the airport, just to say goodbye and give me a hug," Stephanie cries. Um, if anyone should be doing a grand romantic gesture, it's Stephanie. Erika is the one actually hurting right now, not her.
"It's not what I wanted. It sucks....I took a huge risk and I learned a lot about myself," Stephanie continues on her "me, me, me" train before boarding.
Get On Your Knees
In Nigeria, Lisa complains that Usman hasn't officially proposed in person yet, a day before their wedding. At this point, who cares? She's still getting married!
"All I can do, I have done," he vents. Lisa is adamant about the symbolic gesture of a proposal though, taking it as a direct insult to "American culture." She then laughably says that without a proper engagement, people will think that she's "knocked up" (has she looked at the date on her birth certificate lately?) or that Usman is vying for a green card. Again, who cares? He deserves one at this point. But of course, moments later he is on his knees with a simple gold band, asking for her hand in marriage. She says yes (shocker) and awkwardly grabs his head as she literally talks down to him.
"It was everything I wanted," Lisa says to the camera, in tears. "It touched me. It'll be something I remember until the day I die...Now I'm ready to marry this man tomorrow."
It's Avery's last day in Melbourne with Ash. Thankfully. "It feels like I've been in relationship bootcamp these last few weeks," she muses. Yeah, it's not supposed to feel like that.
Avery tries to discuss a plan with Ash to stay together until Taj is a teenager, about five years away. "This is not a short-term project," Ash tells Avery, saying he's already dreading her departure. "I know I'm going to marry you. Like, I know that. I have that in my mind...but I feel like now is not the most ideal way to do it."
Ash suggests that he travels to the U.S. to meet Avery's family and ease Taj into the idea of Avery as a stepmom. She agrees, hoping Ash can meet both of her daughters before an engagement. "I feel good knowing that we're on the same page," Avery concludes.
Ash explains that he's trying to get an Australian passport before he can apply to get a tourist visa to America. He says the process can take up to a year to get the necessary documents. Avery starts crying at the idea of not knowing when she'll see Ash next. Yet Ash remains composed and matter-of-fact. It all hinges on Ash's passport....or at least what he chooses to disclose to Avery.
Always a Bachelor
Ed lands in San Diego, and meets his mom and dog Teddy at baggage claim. "Rose is out," he tells his mother, practicing his best Chris Harrison. "No Rose." He eventually explains the break-up, citing Rosemarie's hope for another child as the crux of their demise. He doesn't include the multiple arguments regarding disrespectful comments. "In the end it was too much for her. She didn't think I trusted her," Ed sums up.
He calls Rosemarie his "best chance at love" and says that he is still hoping out hope.
Something About Mary
Varya further interrogates Geoffrey about why Mary was at his house. "I've got two women in my life right now who are vying for my attention," he squeals. "Varya came all the way from Russia to try to reenergize our relationship...and then you have Mary who's a complete innocent in this, and I feel very, very bad for her."
Geoffrey scolds Varya for not telling him about her trip first, and she rightfully lashes back that he didn't even respond to any of her texts. She asks about Mary, and he simply says it was "not her fault." Varya asks Geoffrey why he's not hugging or kissing her, before she embraces him herself.
"She's the one who said no to me. She's the one who turned my proposal down. And now she's done a complete 180 in her feelings, and it's hard for me to know or not whether it's genuine," Geoffrey tells the camera.
Varya plans on staying in Knoxville for two weeks and says to Geoffrey that she was hoping to stay at his house. "How are you able to move on so fast after the proposal?" she asks him. He continues to play the baffled good guy who is just a victim of two aggressive women. This role suits him, as though he's used it many times before. Oh wait, it's public record that he has.
Varya pleads through tears that she doesn't want to lose Geoffrey. They hold hands on the couch. "I'm not going to surrender. I'm not going to give him to her," she states. "I will try my best to get him back."
Bowling For a Bride
After Lana previously left the café during their first date, David still convinces her to meet again the following evening to go bowling. He tries once more to smooch her, and she expertly dodges his advances. They then proceed to use a selfie stick to take photos for the K-1 visa application. It's cringeworthy, and Lana also has to endure a kiss on the cheek.
"She's not showing me that much affection. It's definitely up to me to make the first move," David comments, bartering with Lana that if he gets a strike at the bowling alley, he'll also get a kiss. Can their relationship be any more of a transaction? Also he apparently used to bowl professionally, which is a fascinating tidbit. Despite his past, he performs horribly. "So maybe I get the kiss just because I came all the way here?" David pleads, half-jokingly.
"No," Lana giggles, shaking her head. He eventually gets a strike, and receives a celebratory peck on the lips.
"I know David wants more physical closeness, but I think we need to spend more time together to see if I want this or not," Lana confesses.
Back to the Big Apple
Stephanie is back in New York and says that she is no longer on speaking terms with Erika. They have apparently both unfollowed one another on social media as well. Her mom picks her up from the airport, and Stephanie tells the camera that she feels lonely for not being able to open up to her mother about Erika. After some questions, Stephanie does disclose that she met Erika's parents.
"Even though Erika and I didn't work out, I still want to tell [my mom] that I am bisexual. But I'm scared," Stephanie discloses in a confessional. She does, however, tell her mother that she did argue with Erika and Erika didn't actually know her as well as she expected.
Usman's family arrive in anticipation for their wedding. Lisa, though, is nervous about their upcoming nuptials. His other brother meets her for the first time and of course also thinks she's too old for him. They all pray together before Lisa sits down with Usman and his two older brothers.
The conversation quickly turns to their relationship problems, and Usman is offended. He explains that Lisa is just trying to control him, and his brothers tell Lisa that she should just expect less of Usman. Of course it ends in Lisa walking away.
"It's super embarrassing because this is my family and she displays this attitude towards them," Usman tells the camera. "At this point, I don't know if there'll be a wedding tomorrow."
The Beginning of the End
Ash drives Avery to the airport. They both say they'll miss one another, and then she leaves.
"He has so much love for him but he does have his son here," Avery explains, saying she doesn't think Ash realizes how difficult the process to be together will be. "I just don't know how long it's going to take. That's the scary part."
Ash says some nonsense about how he's really "connected" with Avery but does admit that he needs to "step up." The couple embrace, and Avery officially departs. Ash forces out tears and calls Avery his "partner in crime," which makes no sense but sure, OK.
A Rabbit's Appetite
David treats Lana to her "first fancy dinner," which to him is just the next step before being intimate. As they order, he explains to her that rabbits are actually called bunnies in the U.S., which is not really true but nice try at a conversation starter. Lana keeps hugging David to appease his attempts at locking lips, but how long can she keep this up for?
David discusses when they should "officially" get engaged and asks Lana what else she wants to know about him because seven years has obviously not been enough for her. She keeps trying to distract from his questions and sexual advances, especially as he invites her to spend the night. He has sent her money and believed to be in a relationship with her for close to a decade, so the proposal is not too outlandish.
"I've been talking to David for seven years but we've only seen each other for two days," Lana tells the camera. David in turn says that he just hopes she shows him the affection he "needs" before he proposes.
Geoffrey takes Varya to meet his friends at an oddly spacious bar warehouse place. "It's absolutely insane [Varya] turned up here," some unknown friend says for dramatic effect. As he explains to his pals the awkward encounter between Varya and Mary, Varya admits to overreacting earlier.
Of course Mary shows up at the bar too. "She doesn't want to let him go," Varya says to the camera. "She wants a war, she'll get a war."
Darcey tells Stacey that Tom has reached out to her again on social media, and Ed connects with his daughter. Stephanie apparently finally tells her mom why she really went to Australia, plus Yolanda's daughter hires a private investigator to prove Williams is not who he says he is.
Mary and Varya continue to argue, but will Usman and Lisa actually get married? David also might propose to Lana, but will she say yes?
It all hinges on next week's episode! Until then, 90 Day lovers.
90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days, Sundays, 8/7c, TLC