Two and a Half Men
TV14
Sitcom
The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.
Cast & Crew
Jon Cryer Alan Harper
Charlie Sheen Charlie Harper
Ashton Kutcher Walden Schmidt
Conchata Ferrell Berta
Angus T. Jones Jake Harper
Holland Taylor Evelyn Harper
Marin Hinkle Judith
Melanie Lynskey Rose
Chuck Lorre Executive Producer
Don Reo Executive Producer
Jim Patterson Executive Producer
Chuck Lorre Creator
Lee Aronsohn Creator
⨁Full Cast & Crew
Upcoming TV Airings
The airings below are based on a generic national schedule. Times and dates can vary by TV provider.
Saturday, January 24
A Bag Full of Jawea
Season 2 • Episode 3
Charlie tries to save Jake from school suspension by romancing his teacher.
Saturday, January 24
That's Why They Call It Ball Room
Season 7 • Episode 10
Charlie discovers that Chelsea has not been completely honest about her finances.
Monday, January 26
Golly Moses, She's a Muffin
Season 3 • Episode 19
Kandi moves in with Alan, causing tension in the house, since Charlie is having a dry spell.
Monday, January 26
Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
Season 3 • Episode 20
Alan tries to win Kandi back, and Charlie sleeps with her mom.
Tuesday, January 27
Go Get Mommy's Bra
Season 2 • Episode 4
Charlie's mother borrows the Mercedes to impress a Saudi prince.
Tuesday, January 27
Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
Season 7 • Episode 12
Jake writes love songs to woo his ex-girlfriend; Herb and Alan hide their secret friendship.
Tuesday, January 27
I Merely Slept With a Commie
Season 4 • Episode 17
Evelyn makes Charlie and Alan regret saying that she will not have any mourners at her funeral.
Tuesday, January 27
It Never Rains in Hooterville
Season 4 • Episode 18
Alan tries to bond with Jake; Kandi's new career.
Tuesday, January 27
Smooth as a Ken Doll
Season 4 • Episode 19
Charlie gets close to Herb's witty sister, as Judith and Herb's wedding nears.
Tuesday, January 27
Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
Season 4 • Episode 20
Alan prepares Jake for Judith's wedding; Charlie continues his fling with Herb's sister.
Tuesday, January 27
Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
Season 4 • Episode 21
Alan's friendship with a gay single dad prompts him to re-examine his sexual identity.
Tuesday, January 27
Mr. McGlue's Feedbag
Season 4 • Episode 22
Jake has a windfall at the track with Charlie; Alan visits the Department of Motor Vehicles.
Tuesday, January 27
Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin'
Season 4 • Episode 23
Charlie loses a woman to the young, handsome handyman (Enrique Iglesias) working at his house.
Tuesday, January 27
Prostitutes and Gelato
Season 4 • Episode 24
Evelyn's new boyfriend invites Charlie and Alan to Las Vegas.
Tuesday, January 27
Large Birds, Spiders and Mom
Season 5 • Episode 1
Charlie and Alan try to prepare Jake for his first day of junior high.
Tuesday, January 27
Media Room Slash Dungeon
Season 5 • Episode 2
Charlie reacts oddly after an evening with his mother.
Wednesday, January 28
What a Lovely Landing Strip
Season 9 • Episode 11
Bridget (Judy Greer) reappears in Walden's life as he is trying to impress a new love interest.
Wednesday, January 28
Bad News From the Clinic
Season 2 • Episode 5
Charlie meets his match when he falls for a woman who is better at playing hard to get than he is.
Wednesday, January 28
Yay, No Polyps!
Season 7 • Episode 13
Charlie undergoes a colonoscopy to avoid a trip to see Chelsea's bigoted parents.
Wednesday, January 28
Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
Season 5 • Episode 3
Charlie lets Alan set him up with a woman his own age.
Wednesday, January 28
City of Great Racks
Season 5 • Episode 4
Although Charlie is getting closer to Linda, he begins to see Rose's face wherever he looks.
Wednesday, January 28
Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
Season 5 • Episode 5
Charlie has to entertain his girlfriend's 4-year-old son; Alan becomes a human guinea pig.
Wednesday, January 28
Help Daddy Find His Toenail
Season 5 • Episode 6
Charlie's girlfriend is embarrassed to be seen with him; Jake sneaks out to go to a concert.
Wednesday, January 28
Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room
Season 5 • Episode 7
Charlie and Alan butt heads over Alan's place in the house.
Wednesday, January 28
Is There a Mrs. Waffles?
Season 5 • Episode 8
Charlie finds success as a children's singing star, which makes Alan miserable.
Wednesday, January 28
Tight's Good
Season 5 • Episode 9
Charlie tries to resist an attraction to his soon-to-be stepsister.
Wednesday, January 28
Kinda Like Necrophilia
Season 5 • Episode 10
Alan seeks revenge when he discovers that Charlie stole his high-school girlfriend.
Wednesday, January 28
Meander to Your Dander
Season 5 • Episode 11
Charlie offers Alan pointers on how to break up with a woman.
Wednesday, January 28
A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
Season 5 • Episode 12
Rose comes back from England and takes care of sick Charlie in a very strange way.
Thursday, January 29
Slowly and in a Circular Fashion
Season 9 • Episode 13
When Walden's mother and ex-wife try to take over his company, he turns to Alan for help.
Thursday, January 29
The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
Season 2 • Episode 6
Alan fears he has a dark side, until Charlie admits to a nasty trick.
Thursday, January 29
Crude and Uncalled For
Season 7 • Episode 14
A bar fight lands Alan in jail; Charlie worries that Chelsea is interested someone else.
Thursday, January 29
The Soil Is Moist
Season 5 • Episode 13
Alan's date, who happens to be a friend of his ex, reveals a secret about Judith's sex life.
Thursday, January 29
Winky-Dink Time
Season 5 • Episode 14
Charlie goes with Jake on a double date and sets up Alan with a prostitute.
Thursday, January 29
Rough Night in Hump Junction
Season 5 • Episode 15
Alan fears that Charlie's womanizing is getting out of control.
Thursday, January 29
Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty
Season 5 • Episode 16
Alan plans Evelyn's wedding; Charlie pursues his future stepsister.
Thursday, January 29
Fish in a Drawer
Season 5 • Episode 17
A CSI team investigates a mysterious death at Charlie's house.
Thursday, January 29
If My Hole Could Talk
Season 5 • Episode 18
Charlie discovers he is attracted to an older woman who writes self-help books; Jake and Alan fight.
Thursday, January 29
Waiting for the Right Snapper
Season 5 • Episode 19
Charlie tries to resist temptation when he meets the daughter of the woman he's dating.
Thursday, January 29
Taterhead Is Our Love Child
Season 6 • Episode 1
Charlie finds that one of his former girlfriends has a son who looks a lot like him.
Thursday, January 29
Pie Hole, Herb
Season 6 • Episode 2
Alan crosses a line when he tries to get back money that he lent Charlie.
Thursday, January 29
Damn You, Eggs Benedict
Season 6 • Episode 3
Charlie attempts to cook, Alan tries to date two women at the same time, and Jake samples beer.
Friday, January 30
The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack
Season 9 • Episode 15
Walden tries to loosen Zooey up by sharing some of Berta's special brownies.
Friday, January 30
A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
Season 2 • Episode 7
Charlie and Alan hire Berta's sister to cater a party.
Friday, January 30
Aye, Aye, Captain
Season 7 • Episode 15
When Charlie's jealousy threatens his relationship with Chelsea, he turns to Alan for help.
Saturday, January 31
Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
Season 2 • Episode 8
Alan meets a woman at the grocery store who fulfills his every fantasy.
Saturday, January 31
Tinkle Like a Princess
Season 7 • Episode 16
Charlie returns from Las Vegas with the woman he married there, who is not Chelsea.
Monday, February 2
The Spit-Covered Cobbler
Season 3 • Episode 18
Alan gets into financial trouble because he keeps paying the expenses of his young girlfriend.
Monday, February 2
And the Plot Moistens
Season 3 • Episode 21
Alan finds that he has more in common with Jake's teacher than with Kandi.
Monday, February 2
Pilot New
Season 1 • Episode 1
Charlie discovers that a man raising a 10-year-old boy attracts the attention of women.
Monday, February 2
Big Flappy Bastards New
Season 1 • Episode 2
Charlie does not know how to discipline Jake for luring a flock of sea gulls into his room.
Monday, February 2
Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell New
Season 1 • Episode 3
One drink too many emboldens the brothers to stand up to their controlling mother.
Monday, February 2
If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap New
Season 1 • Episode 4
Alan tries to take over the housework after his neurotic demands scare away Charlie's cleaning lady.
Monday, February 2
The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump New
Season 1 • Episode 5
Charlie and Alan meet several women while attending one of Jake's soccer games.
Monday, February 2
Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys? New
Season 1 • Episode 6
After Evelyn's new beau dumps her, Charlie and Alan enlist Jake to cheer her up.
Monday, February 2
If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake New
Season 1 • Episode 7
For a school assignment, Jake draws the tattooed buttocks of Charlie's female friend.
Monday, February 2
Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful New
Season 1 • Episode 8
Charlie uses his ability to write jingles to produce Jake's school musical.
Tuesday, February 3
Yes, Monsignor
Season 2 • Episode 9
Charlie bumps into an old flame he once thought would be Mrs. Right.
Tuesday, February 3
I Found Your Mustache
Season 7 • Episode 17
Charlie and Chelsea get together for one night, despite having ended their relationship.
Tuesday, February 3
The Flavin' and the Mavin
Season 6 • Episode 4
Alan awaits disaster as Charlie romances Alan's sweet receptionist.
Tuesday, February 3
A Jock Strap in Hell
Season 6 • Episode 5
The guys run into Jake's former teacher who became a stripper after a fling with Charlie.
Tuesday, February 3
It's Always Nazi Week
Season 6 • Episode 6
When Judith kicks Herb to the curb, Alan comes knocking.
Tuesday, February 3
Best H.O. Money Can Buy
Season 6 • Episode 7
Alan tries to escape Judith's clutches as Charlie and Herb go on the prowl.
Tuesday, February 3
Pinocchio's Mouth
Season 6 • Episode 8
Charlie has trouble adjusting when his new girlfriend asks him to spend the night at her place.
Tuesday, February 3
The Mooch at the Boo
Season 6 • Episode 9
Charlie is left to cover when Jake disappears with the neighbor's daughter.
Tuesday, February 3
He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
Season 6 • Episode 10
When Evelyn offers to pay for Jake's college education, Alan wonders if he ever needs to work again.
Tuesday, February 3
The Devil's Lube
Season 6 • Episode 11
When one of Charlie's old partners in crime dies, Charlie re-evaluates his own reckless lifestyle.
Tuesday, February 3
Thank God for Scoliosis
Season 6 • Episode 12
Charlie and Jake fight for the affections of a waitress.
Tuesday, February 3
I Think You Offended Don
Season 6 • Episode 13
Judith is pregnant with a baby girl, and Alan is convinced he is the father.
Wednesday, February 4
Not in My Mouth!
Season 9 • Episode 17
A near-death experience has an adverse effect on Zoey and Walden's relationship.
Wednesday, February 4
The Salmon Under My Sweater
Season 2 • Episode 10
Charlie is tasked with writing a theme song to one of Jake's favorite comics.
Wednesday, February 4
Ixnay on the Oggie Day
Season 7 • Episode 18
Charlie has a return engagement with Gail; Alan has a surprising effect on a female patient.
Wednesday, February 4
David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie
Season 6 • Episode 14
Melissa thinks Alan is not appreciated by his family.
Wednesday, February 4
I'd Like to Start With the Cat
Season 6 • Episode 15
In an attempt to prove he has changed, Charlie agrees to go with Chelsea to couples counseling.
Wednesday, February 4
She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime
Season 6 • Episode 16
Charlie rushes to get a half-naked woman out of his bedroom before Chelsea arrives.
Wednesday, February 4
The Ocu or the Pado?
Season 6 • Episode 17
When Charlie swears his love to Chelsea, her response is nothing like what he'd expected.
Wednesday, February 4
My Son's Enormous Head
Season 6 • Episode 18
Charlie fights the overwhelming urge to flee when Chelsea gets sick.
Wednesday, February 4
The Two Finger Rule
Season 6 • Episode 19
Chelsea finds pictures of a naked woman on Charlie's phone.
Wednesday, February 4
Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau
Season 6 • Episode 20
Evelyn finally meets Charlie and Chelsea.
Wednesday, February 4
Above Exalted Cyclops
Season 6 • Episode 21
Chelsea sets Alan up on a blind date with Rose.
Wednesday, February 4
Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
Season 6 • Episode 22
Charlie reluctantly lets Chelsea move in.
Wednesday, February 4
Good Morning Mrs. Butterworth
Season 6 • Episode 23
When Chelsea and Alan become best friends, Charlie tries to take advantage of the situation.
Thursday, February 5
Palmdale, Ech
Season 9 • Episode 19
Alan and Lyndsey introduce their mothers; Jake and Eldridge get a ride from Walden to a party.
Thursday, February 5
Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
Season 2 • Episode 11
Jake discovers an angry Web site devoted to Charlie's womanizing ways.
Thursday, February 5
Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave
Season 7 • Episode 19
Jake's new friend, Eldridge, is a bad influence; Alan likes Eldridge's attractive mother.
Thursday, February 5
Baseball Was Better With Steroids
Season 6 • Episode 24
Charlie begins to question his relationship with Chelsea.
Thursday, February 5
818-jklpuzo
Season 7 • Episode 1
Charlie must decide between his fiancee, Chelsea, and his former girlfriend, Mia.
Thursday, February 5
Whipped Unto the Third Generation
Season 7 • Episode 2
Charlie's house is taken over by women when Chelsea convinces him to let Alan's girlfriend move in.
Thursday, February 5
Mmm, Fish. Yum
Season 7 • Episode 3
Jake uses an incriminating picture to blackmail Charlie.
Thursday, February 5
Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator
Season 7 • Episode 4
Alan takes a job working for Evelyn; Charlie must mend Chelsea and Jake's rocky relationship.
Thursday, February 5
For the Sake of the Child
Season 7 • Episode 5
After they embarrass him in public, Jake refuses to stay with Charlie and Alan.
Thursday, February 5
Give Me Your Thumb
Season 7 • Episode 6
Alan suggests that Chelsea get breast-reduction surgery, and Charlie kicks him out.
Thursday, February 5
Untainted by Filth
Season 7 • Episode 7
Charlie and Alan wake up together in bed with a strange woman.
Thursday, February 5
Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
Season 7 • Episode 8
Chelsea tries to help her beautiful college roommate get over a bad breakup.
Thursday, February 5
Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair
Season 7 • Episode 9
Charlie discovers he has not been satisfying Chelsea; Alan attempts to cure his thinning hair.
Friday, February 6
Mr. Hose Says Yes
Season 9 • Episode 21
Zoey and her daughter move in with Walden; Alan gets more than he bargained for with Lyndsey.
Friday, February 6
A Lungful of Alan
Season 2 • Episode 12
The brothers compete for the attentions of Alan's high-school friend.
Friday, February 6
I Called Him Magoo
Season 7 • Episode 20
Alan tries for an intimate night at a hotel with his new girlfriend.
Saturday, February 7
Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow (Get Off My Hair)
Season 2 • Episode 13
When Judith's pipes burst after an earthquake, Alan invites her to stay with him at Charlie's house.
Saturday, February 7
Gumby With a Pokey
Season 7 • Episode 21
Alan and Jake go on a road trip; Charlie finds himself haunted by the ghosts of his ex-girlfriends.
Monday, February 9
Arguments for the Quickie
Season 3 • Episode 23
Charlie's former girlfriend (Emmanuelle Vaugier) returns with an unexpected request.
Monday, February 9
That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
Season 3 • Episode 24
Charlie and Mia plan their wedding despite complications on both sides of the family.
Monday, February 9
Phase One, Complete New
Season 1 • Episode 9
Charlie suspects a woman is using Evelyn and Jake to get to him.
Monday, February 9
Merry Thanksgiving New
Season 1 • Episode 10
In an attempt to prove that he is a family man, Charlie invites Lisa over for Thanksgiving dinner.
Monday, February 9
Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor New
Season 1 • Episode 11
Alan reluctantly agrees to a makeover after running into his ex-wife and her new beau.
Monday, February 9
Camel Filters and Pheremones New
Season 1 • Episode 12
The housekeeper's sexy teenage granddaughter attracts the guys' attention.
Monday, February 9
Sarah Like Puny Alan New
Season 1 • Episode 13
Charlie drags his ailing brother to a men's steam room.
Monday, February 9
I Can't Afford Hyenas New
Season 1 • Episode 14
Charlie's accountant (Richard Lewis) tries to explain his financial woes.
Monday, February 9
Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick New
Season 1 • Episode 15
Against Alan's judgment, Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Frankie (Jenna Elfman).
Monday, February 9
That Was Saliva, Alan New
Season 1 • Episode 16
Frankie (Jenna Elfman) divulges her big secret, then falls for one of the brothers.
Monday, February 9
Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats New
Season 1 • Episode 17
Alan offends Charlie by choosing harebrained cousins as Jake's guardians in the event of his death.
Tuesday, February 10
Those Big Pink Things With Coconuts
Season 2 • Episode 14
Evelyn takes drastic measures to get back into her sons' lives after Alan cuts her off.
Tuesday, February 10
This Is Not Gonna End Well
Season 7 • Episode 22
Charlie's license is suspended; Alan plans to go to Chelsea's birthday party.
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