Two and a Half Men
TV14
Sitcom
The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.
Cast & Crew
Jon Cryer Alan Harper
Charlie Sheen Charlie Harper
Ashton Kutcher Walden Schmidt
Conchata Ferrell Berta
Angus T. Jones Jake Harper
Holland Taylor Evelyn Harper
Marin Hinkle Judith
Melanie Lynskey Rose
Chuck Lorre Executive Producer
Don Reo Executive Producer
Jim Patterson Executive Producer
Chuck Lorre Creator
Lee Aronsohn Creator
⨁Full Cast & Crew
Upcoming TV Airings
The airings below are based on a generic national schedule. Times and dates can vary by TV provider.
Sunday, April 19
Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
Season 1 • Episode 3
One drink too many emboldens the brothers to stand up to their controlling mother.
Monday, April 20
The Ocu or the Pado?
Season 6 • Episode 17
When Charlie swears his love to Chelsea, her response is nothing like what he'd expected.
Monday, April 20
My Son's Enormous Head
Season 6 • Episode 18
Charlie fights the overwhelming urge to flee when Chelsea gets sick.
Monday, April 20
Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup New
Season 8 • Episode 13
Alan feels paranoid when Lyndsey becomes friendly with Charlie.
Monday, April 20
Looking' for Japanese Subs New
Season 8 • Episode 14
Charlie stalks Rose; Eldridge and Jake begin videotaping dangerous stunts.
Monday, April 20
Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak New
Season 8 • Episode 15
Charlie and Rose continue their affair; Alan's business becomes a Ponzi scheme.
Monday, April 20
That Darn Priest New
Season 8 • Episode 16
Rose discovers Alan's Ponzi scheme; Charlie tries to get time alone with Rose.
Monday, April 20
Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt New
Season 9 • Episode 1
Alan and Jake meet Walden Schmidt, a broken-hearted billionaire.
Monday, April 20
People Who Love Peepholes New
Season 9 • Episode 2
Walden's ex-wife, Bridget (Judy Greer), turns up.
Monday, April 20
Big Girls Don't Throw Food New
Season 9 • Episode 3
Alan helps Walden get ready for a date with Bridget; Jake decides to drop out of school.
Monday, April 20
Nine Magic Fingers New
Season 9 • Episode 4
Walden searches for love; Alan encounters a chance to reconcile with Lyndsey.
Monday, April 20
Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
Season 1 • Episode 3
One drink too many emboldens the brothers to stand up to their controlling mother.
Monday, April 20
If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
Season 1 • Episode 4
Alan tries to take over the housework after his neurotic demands scare away Charlie's cleaning lady.
Monday, April 20
The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump
Season 1 • Episode 5
Charlie and Alan meet several women while attending one of Jake's soccer games.
Monday, April 20
Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
Season 1 • Episode 6
After Evelyn's new beau dumps her, Charlie and Alan enlist Jake to cheer her up.
Monday, April 20
If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
Season 1 • Episode 7
For a school assignment, Jake draws the tattooed buttocks of Charlie's female friend.
Monday, April 20
Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful
Season 1 • Episode 8
Charlie uses his ability to write jingles to produce Jake's school musical.
Monday, April 20
Phase One, Complete
Season 1 • Episode 9
Charlie suspects a woman is using Evelyn and Jake to get to him.
Monday, April 20
Merry Thanksgiving
Season 1 • Episode 10
In an attempt to prove that he is a family man, Charlie invites Lisa over for Thanksgiving dinner.
Monday, April 20
Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
Season 1 • Episode 11
Alan reluctantly agrees to a makeover after running into his ex-wife and her new beau.
Monday, April 20
Camel Filters and Pheremones
Season 1 • Episode 12
The housekeeper's sexy teenage granddaughter attracts the guys' attention.
Monday, April 20
Sarah Like Puny Alan
Season 1 • Episode 13
Charlie drags his ailing brother to a men's steam room.
Monday, April 20
I Can't Afford Hyenas
Season 1 • Episode 14
Charlie's accountant (Richard Lewis) tries to explain his financial woes.
Monday, April 20
Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
Season 1 • Episode 15
Against Alan's judgment, Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Frankie (Jenna Elfman).
Monday, April 20
That Was Saliva, Alan
Season 1 • Episode 16
Frankie (Jenna Elfman) divulges her big secret, then falls for one of the brothers.
Monday, April 20
Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
Season 1 • Episode 17
Alan offends Charlie by choosing harebrained cousins as Jake's guardians in the event of his death.
Monday, April 20
An Old Flame With a New Wick
Season 1 • Episode 18
Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man (Chris O'Donnell).
Monday, April 20
I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
Season 1 • Episode 19
Judith's sister (Teri Hatcher) hits on Alan at Jake's birthday party.
Monday, April 20
Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
Season 1 • Episode 20
After trying a father/son talk, Alan and Judith decide to take a moody Jake to a therapist.
Monday, April 20
No Sniffing, No Wowing
Season 1 • Episode 21
Charlie jeopardizes Alan's settlement by sleeping with his attorney.
Monday, April 20
My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
Season 1 • Episode 22
Charlie attempts to cure Alan of his recent bout of sleepwalking.
Monday, April 20
Just Like Buffalo
Season 1 • Episode 23
Charlie tries to get Judith to let Jake continue to spend weekends at his place.
Monday, April 20
Can You Feel My Finger?
Season 1 • Episode 24
A pregnancy scare has Charlie heading to the doctor for a vasectomy.
Tuesday, April 21
It Never Rains in Hooterville
Season 4 • Episode 18
Alan tries to bond with Jake; Kandi's new career.
Tuesday, April 21
Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
Season 2 • Episode 11
Jake discovers an angry Website devoted to Charlie's womanizing ways.
Tuesday, April 21
Large Birds, Spiders and Mom
Season 5 • Episode 1
Charlie and Alan try to prepare Jake for his first day of junior high.
Tuesday, April 21
Media Room Slash Dungeon
Season 5 • Episode 2
Charlie reacts oddly after an evening with his mother.
Tuesday, April 21
Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
Season 5 • Episode 3
Charlie lets Alan set him up with a woman his own age.
Tuesday, April 21
City of Great Racks
Season 5 • Episode 4
Although Charlie is getting closer to Linda, he begins to see Rose's face wherever he looks.
Tuesday, April 21
Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
Season 5 • Episode 5
Charlie has to entertain his girlfriend's 4-year-old son; Alan becomes a human guinea pig.
Tuesday, April 21
Help Daddy Find His Toenail
Season 5 • Episode 6
Charlie's girlfriend is embarrassed to be seen with him; Jake sneaks out to go to a concert.
Tuesday, April 21
Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room
Season 5 • Episode 7
Charlie and Alan butt heads over Alan's place in the house.
Tuesday, April 21
Is There a Mrs. Waffles?
Season 5 • Episode 8
Charlie finds success as a children's singing star, which makes Alan miserable.
Tuesday, April 21
Tight's Good
Season 5 • Episode 9
Charlie tries to resist an attraction to his soon-to-be stepsister.
Tuesday, April 21
Kinda Like Necrophilia
Season 5 • Episode 10
Alan seeks revenge when he discovers that Charlie stole his high-school girlfriend.
Wednesday, April 22
Boompa Loved His Hookers
Season 12 • Episode 13
Walden fears that breaking up with Ms. McMartin will become an issue; Lyndsey asks Alan to move in.
Wednesday, April 22
Smooth as a Ken Doll
Season 4 • Episode 19
Charlie gets close to Herb's witty sister, as Judith and Herb's wedding nears.
Wednesday, April 22
A Lungful of Alan
Season 2 • Episode 12
The brothers compete for the attentions of Alan's high-school friend.
Wednesday, April 22
Meander to Your Dander
Season 5 • Episode 11
Charlie offers Alan pointers on how to break up with a woman.
Wednesday, April 22
A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
Season 5 • Episode 12
Rose comes back from England and takes care of sick Charlie in a very strange way.
Wednesday, April 22
The Soil Is Moist
Season 5 • Episode 13
Alan's date, who happens to be a friend of his ex, reveals a secret about Judith's sex life.
Wednesday, April 22
Winky-Dink Time
Season 5 • Episode 14
Charlie goes with Jake on a double date and sets up Alan with a prostitute.
Wednesday, April 22
Rough Night in Hump Junction
Season 5 • Episode 15
Alan fears that Charlie's womanizing is getting out of control.
Wednesday, April 22
Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty
Season 5 • Episode 16
Alan plans Evelyn's wedding; Charlie pursues his future stepsister.
Wednesday, April 22
Fish in a Drawer
Season 5 • Episode 17
A CSI team investigates a mysterious death at Charlie's house.
Wednesday, April 22
If My Hole Could Talk
Season 5 • Episode 18
Charlie discovers he is attracted to an older woman who writes self-help books; Jake and Alan fight.
Wednesday, April 22
Waiting for the Right Snapper
Season 5 • Episode 19
Charlie tries to resist temptation when he meets the daughter of the woman he's dating.
Thursday, April 23
Of Course He's Dead -- Part One
Season 12 • Episode 15
Details regarding Charlie Harper are revealed.
Thursday, April 23
Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
Season 4 • Episode 20
Alan prepares Jake for Judith's wedding; Charlie continues his fling with Herb's sister.
Thursday, April 23
Of Course He's Dead -- Part Two
Season 12 • Episode 16
Details regarding Charlie Harper are revealed.
Thursday, April 23
Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow (Get Off My Hair)
Season 2 • Episode 13
When Judith's pipes burst after an earthquake, Alan invites her to stay with him at Charlie's house.
Thursday, April 23
That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
Season 3 • Episode 24
Charlie and Mia plan their wedding despite complications on both sides of the family.
Thursday, April 23
Working for Caligula
Season 4 • Episode 1
Charlie returns to his bachelor lifestyle; Alan breaks down following his second divorce.
Thursday, April 23
Who's Vod Kanockers?
Season 4 • Episode 2
Charlie tells Alan the truth about his breakup with Mia; a famous neighbor causes trouble.
Thursday, April 23
The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress
Season 4 • Episode 3
Charlie is convinced he saw his late father while having a near-death experience.
Thursday, April 23
A Pot-Smoking Monkey
Season 4 • Episode 4
After their split, Alan wants to gain custody of his and Kandi's dog.
Thursday, April 23
Pie Hole, Herb
Season 6 • Episode 2
Alan crosses a line when he tries to get back money that he lent Charlie.
Thursday, April 23
Damn You, Eggs Benedict
Season 6 • Episode 3
Charlie attempts to cook, Alan tries to date two women at the same time, and Jake samples beer.
Thursday, April 23
The Flavin' and the Mavin
Season 6 • Episode 4
Alan awaits disaster as Charlie romances Alan's sweet receptionist.
Thursday, April 23
A Jock Strap in Hell
Season 6 • Episode 5
The guys run into Jake's former teacher who became a stripper after a fling with Charlie.
Thursday, April 23
It's Always Nazi Week
Season 6 • Episode 6
When Judith kicks Herb to the curb, Alan comes knocking.
Thursday, April 23
Best H.O. Money Can Buy
Season 6 • Episode 7
Alan tries to escape Judith's clutches as Charlie and Herb go on the prowl.
Thursday, April 23
Pinocchio's Mouth
Season 6 • Episode 8
Charlie has trouble adjusting when his new girlfriend asks him to spend the night at her place.
Thursday, April 23
The Mooch at the Boo
Season 6 • Episode 9
Charlie is left to cover when Jake disappears with the neighbor's daughter.
Thursday, April 23
He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
Season 6 • Episode 10
When Evelyn offers to pay for Jake's college education, Alan wonders if he ever needs to work again.
Friday, April 24
Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
Season 9 • Episode 1
Alan and Jake meet Walden Schmidt, a broken-hearted billionaire.
Friday, April 24
Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
Season 4 • Episode 21
Alan's friendship with a gay single dad prompts him to re-examine his sexual identity.
Friday, April 24
Those Big Pink Things With Coconuts
Season 2 • Episode 14
Evelyn takes drastic measures to get back into her sons' lives after Alan cuts her off.
Friday, April 24
Back Off Mary Poppins
Season 2 • Episode 1
Alan begs Charlie to let him join his exclusive men's group.
Friday, April 24
Enjoy Those Garlic Balls
Season 2 • Episode 2
Alan is upset that Judith is dating Jake's pediatrician.
Friday, April 24
A Bag Full of Jawea
Season 2 • Episode 3
Charlie tries to save Jake from school suspension by romancing his teacher.
Friday, April 24
Go Get Mommy's Bra
Season 2 • Episode 4
Charlie's mother borrows the Mercedes to impress a Saudi prince.
Friday, April 24
Bad News From the Clinic
Season 2 • Episode 5
Charlie meets his match when he falls for a woman who is better at playing hard to get than he is.
Friday, April 24
The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
Season 2 • Episode 6
Alan fears he has a dark side, until Charlie admits to a nasty trick.
Friday, April 24
A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
Season 2 • Episode 7
Charlie and Alan hire Berta's sister to cater a party.
Friday, April 24
Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
Season 2 • Episode 8
Alan meets a woman at the grocery store who fulfills his every fantasy.
Friday, April 24
Yes, Monsignor
Season 2 • Episode 9
Charlie bumps into an old flame he once thought would be Mrs. Right.
Friday, April 24
The Salmon Under My Sweater
Season 2 • Episode 10
Charlie is tasked with writing a theme song to one of Jake's favorite comics.
Friday, April 24
Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
Season 2 • Episode 11
Jake discovers an angry Website devoted to Charlie's womanizing ways.
Friday, April 24
A Lungful of Alan
Season 2 • Episode 12
The brothers compete for the attentions of Alan's high-school friend.
Friday, April 24
Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow (Get Off My Hair)
Season 2 • Episode 13
When Judith's pipes burst after an earthquake, Alan invites her to stay with him at Charlie's house.
Friday, April 24
Those Big Pink Things With Coconuts
Season 2 • Episode 14
Evelyn takes drastic measures to get back into her sons' lives after Alan cuts her off.
Friday, April 24
Smell the Umbrella Stand
Season 2 • Episode 15
Charlie tries to distract Alan from an upcoming medical procedure by planning a trip to Las Vegas.
Friday, April 24
Sarah Like Puny Alan
Season 1 • Episode 13
Charlie drags his ailing brother to a men's steam room.
Friday, April 24
I Can't Afford Hyenas
Season 1 • Episode 14
Charlie's accountant (Richard Lewis) tries to explain his financial woes.
Saturday, April 25
Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
Season 1 • Episode 15
Against Alan's judgment, Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Frankie (Jenna Elfman).
Saturday, April 25
That Was Saliva, Alan
Season 1 • Episode 16
Frankie (Jenna Elfman) divulges her big secret, then falls for one of the brothers.
Saturday, April 25
Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
Season 1 • Episode 17
Alan offends Charlie by choosing harebrained cousins as Jake's guardians in the event of his death.
Saturday, April 25
An Old Flame With a New Wick
Season 1 • Episode 18
Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man (Chris O'Donnell).
Saturday, April 25
Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin'
Season 4 • Episode 23
Charlie loses a woman to the young, handsome handyman (Enrique Iglesias) working at his house.
Saturday, April 25
If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
Season 1 • Episode 4
Alan tries to take over the housework after his neurotic demands scare away Charlie's cleaning lady.
Monday, April 27
Above Exalted Cyclops
Season 6 • Episode 21
Chelsea sets Alan up on a blind date with Rose.
Monday, April 27
Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
Season 6 • Episode 22
Charlie reluctantly lets Chelsea move in.
Monday, April 27
A Giant Cat Holding a Churro New
Season 9 • Episode 5
Alan tries to come to terms with Lyndsey's past; Walden throws a party at the house.
Monday, April 27
The Squat and the Hover New
Season 9 • Episode 6
Depressed Walden cheers up when he meets a woman who looks very similar to Bridget.
Monday, April 27
Those Fancy Japanese Toilets New
Season 9 • Episode 7
Jake has feelings for his chemistry tutor, but she has a crush on Walden.
Monday, April 27
Thank You for the Intercourse New
Season 9 • Episode 8
Alan becomes extremely emotional when Walden redecorates the beach house.
Monday, April 27
Frodo's Headshots New
Season 9 • Episode 9
After being released from the hospital, Alan faces challenges that test his mental stability.
Monday, April 27
A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes New
Season 9 • Episode 10
Walden meets an attractive British woman but remains hesitant to start dating.
Monday, April 27
What a Lovely Landing Strip New
Season 9 • Episode 11
Bridget (Judy Greer) reappears in Walden's life as he is trying to impress a new love interest.
Monday, April 27
One False Move, Zimbabwe! New
Season 9 • Episode 12
Alan develops a crush on Walden's visiting mother; a secret comes out about Walden's past.
Monday, April 27
Slowly and in a Circular Fashion New
Season 9 • Episode 13
When Walden's mother and ex-wife try to take over his company, he turns to Alan for help.
Monday, April 27
A Possum on Chemo New
Season 9 • Episode 14
Zoey tries to convince Walden to cut his hair and shave; Alan and Lyndsey revive their relationship.
Monday, April 27
I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey
Season 2 • Episode 20
Charlie and Alan take their personal frustrations out on each other.
Monday, April 27
A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On
Season 2 • Episode 21
Evelyn reads in the obituaries that her second husband, Harry, has died.
Monday, April 27
That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother
Season 2 • Episode 22
After taking a loan from Evelyn, Alan is guilted into double-dating with her.
Monday, April 27
Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
Season 2 • Episode 23
Alan is reluctant to leave Jake with Evelyn.
Monday, April 27
Does This Smell Funny to You?
Season 2 • Episode 24
Charlie unknowingly sleeps with an elderly man's (Orson Bean) hot trophy wife.
Monday, April 27
Weekend in Bangkok With Two Olympic Gymnasts
Season 3 • Episode 1
After Alan falls off the roof, Charlie volunteers to watch Jake for the weekend.
Monday, April 27
Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
Season 3 • Episode 2
Alan must see the school principal over a picture Jake drew.
Monday, April 27
Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
Season 3 • Episode 3
Charlie organizes an intervention to keep Alan from reuniting with Judith.
Monday, April 27
Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs
Season 3 • Episode 4
Berta moves into Charlie's house for a few days and plays one brother against the other.
Monday, April 27
We Called It Mr. Pinky
Season 3 • Episode 5
Charlie responds inappropriately to a woman's declaration of love.
Monday, April 27
Hi, Mr. Horned One
Season 3 • Episode 6
Charlie likes dating Isabella, until she threatens to put a curse on his manhood.
Monday, April 27
Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
Season 3 • Episode 7
Rose's father (Martin Sheen) confronts Charlie about his intentions toward Rose.
Monday, April 27
That Voodoo That I Do Do
Season 3 • Episode 8
Charlie cons Jake into taking ballet lessons in order to get close to the teacher.
Monday, April 27
Madame and Her Special Friend
Season 3 • Episode 9
Alan is propositioned by one of Charlie's elderly neighbors; Charlie tries to stop Jake.
Monday, April 27
Something Salted and Twisted
Season 3 • Episode 10
Alan organizes a family dinner to celebrate a newspaper article about him.
Monday, April 27
Santa's Village of the Damned
Season 3 • Episode 11
Alan dates a controlling woman who takes over the house during the Christmas holidays.
Monday, April 27
That Special Tug
Season 3 • Episode 12
Alan's emotional breakdown after dropping Jake off for a weekend away sends Charlie to a therapist.
Monday, April 27
Humiliation Is a Visual Medium
Season 3 • Episode 13
Charlie must deal with the challenges of a committed relationship that is not based on sex.
Monday, April 27
Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
Season 3 • Episode 14
Charlie plans a romantic date with Mia in hopes of consummating their relationship.
Monday, April 27
My Tongue Is Meat
Season 3 • Episode 15
Charlie sneaks cigars, beer and burgers behind Mia's back.
Tuesday, April 28
Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin'
Season 4 • Episode 23
Charlie loses a woman to the young, handsome handyman (Enrique Iglesias) working at his house.
Tuesday, April 28
The Devil's Lube
Season 6 • Episode 11
When one of Charlie's old partners in crime dies, Charlie re-evaluates his own reckless lifestyle.
Tuesday, April 28
Thank God for Scoliosis
Season 6 • Episode 12
Charlie and Jake fight for the affections of a waitress.
Tuesday, April 28
I Think You Offended Don
Season 6 • Episode 13
Judith is pregnant with a baby girl, and Alan is convinced he is the father.
Tuesday, April 28
David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie
Season 6 • Episode 14
Melissa thinks Alan is not appreciated by his family.
Tuesday, April 28
I'd Like to Start With the Cat
Season 6 • Episode 15
In an attempt to prove he has changed, Charlie agrees to go with Chelsea to couples counseling.
Tuesday, April 28
She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime
Season 6 • Episode 16
Charlie rushes to get a half-naked woman out of his bedroom before Chelsea arrives.
Tuesday, April 28
The Ocu or the Pado?
Season 6 • Episode 17
When Charlie swears his love to Chelsea, her response is nothing like what he'd expected.
Tuesday, April 28
My Son's Enormous Head
Season 6 • Episode 18
Charlie fights the overwhelming urge to flee when Chelsea gets sick.
Tuesday, April 28
The Two Finger Rule
Season 6 • Episode 19
Chelsea finds pictures of a naked woman on Charlie's phone.
Tuesday, April 28
Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau
Season 6 • Episode 20
Evelyn finally meets Charlie and Chelsea.
Wednesday, April 29
Big Girls Don't Throw Food
Season 9 • Episode 3
Alan helps Walden get ready for a date with Bridget; Jake decides to drop out of school.
Wednesday, April 29
Prostitutes and Gelato
Season 4 • Episode 24
Evelyn's new boyfriend invites Charlie and Alan to Las Vegas.
Wednesday, April 29
Woo-Hoo, A Hernia-Exam!
Season 2 • Episode 17
Charlie eschews Alan's medical advice in favor of a visit to his pretty female doctor.
Wednesday, April 29
Above Exalted Cyclops
Season 6 • Episode 21
Chelsea sets Alan up on a blind date with Rose.
Wednesday, April 29
Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
Season 6 • Episode 22
Charlie reluctantly lets Chelsea move in.
Wednesday, April 29
Good Morning Mrs. Butterworth
Season 6 • Episode 23
When Chelsea and Alan become best friends, Charlie tries to take advantage of the situation.
Wednesday, April 29
Baseball Was Better With Steroids
Season 6 • Episode 24
Charlie begins to question his relationship with Chelsea.
Wednesday, April 29
818-jklpuzo
Season 7 • Episode 1
Charlie must decide between his fiancée, Chelsea, and his former girlfriend, Mia.
Wednesday, April 29
Whipped Unto the Third Generation
Season 7 • Episode 2
Charlie's house is taken over by women when Chelsea convinces him to let Alan's girlfriend move in.
Wednesday, April 29
Mmm, Fish. Yum
Season 7 • Episode 3
Jake uses an incriminating picture to blackmail Charlie.
Wednesday, April 29
Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator
Season 7 • Episode 4
Alan takes a job working for Evelyn; Charlie must mend Chelsea and Jake's rocky relationship.
Wednesday, April 29
For the Sake of the Child
Season 7 • Episode 5
After they embarrass him in public, Jake refuses to stay with Charlie and Alan.
Thursday, April 30
A Giant Cat Holding a Churro
Season 9 • Episode 5
Alan tries to come to terms with Lyndsey's past; Walden throws a party at the house.
Thursday, April 30
Large Birds, Spiders and Mom
Season 5 • Episode 1
Charlie and Alan try to prepare Jake for his first day of junior high.
Thursday, April 30
The Squat and the Hover
Season 9 • Episode 6
Depressed Walden cheers up when he meets a woman who looks very similar to Bridget.
Thursday, April 30
It Was Mame, Mom
Season 2 • Episode 18
Charlie and Alan pose as a gay couple in order to impress a gay ad executive.
Thursday, April 30
Give Me Your Thumb
Season 7 • Episode 6
Alan suggests that Chelsea get breast-reduction surgery, and Charlie kicks him out.
Thursday, April 30
Untainted by Filth
Season 7 • Episode 7
Charlie and Alan wake up together in bed with a strange woman.
Thursday, April 30
Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
Season 7 • Episode 8
Chelsea tries to help her beautiful college roommate get over a bad breakup.
Thursday, April 30
Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair
Season 7 • Episode 9
Charlie discovers he has not been satisfying Chelsea; Alan attempts to cure his thinning hair.
Thursday, April 30
That's Why They Call It Ball Room
Season 7 • Episode 10
Charlie discovers that Chelsea has not been completely honest about her finances.
Thursday, April 30
Warning, It's Dirty
Season 7 • Episode 11
Charlie coaches Jake on the art of infidelity while his girlfriend is away for Christmas.
Thursday, April 30
Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
Season 7 • Episode 12
Jake writes love songs to woo his ex-girlfriend; Herb and Alan hide their secret friendship.
Thursday, April 30
Yay, No Polyps!
Season 7 • Episode 13
Charlie undergoes a colonoscopy to avoid a trip to see Chelsea's bigoted parents.
Thursday, April 30
Crude and Uncalled For
Season 7 • Episode 14
A bar fight lands Alan in jail; Charlie worries that Chelsea is interested someone else.
Thursday, April 30
Aye, Aye, Captain
Season 7 • Episode 15
When Charlie's jealousy threatens his relationship with Chelsea, he turns to Alan for help.
Friday, May 1
Those Fancy Japanese Toilets
Season 9 • Episode 7
Jake has feelings for his chemistry tutor, but she has a crush on Walden.
Friday, May 1
Media Room Slash Dungeon
Season 5 • Episode 2
Charlie reacts oddly after an evening with his mother.
Friday, May 1
A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise
Season 2 • Episode 19
Alan asks one of Charlie's beautiful ex-girlfriends on a date.
Friday, May 1
Ergo, the Booty Call
Season 3 • Episode 16
Alan tries to avoid bringing his sexy 22-year-old girlfriend to Jake's birthday party.
Friday, May 1
The Unfortunate Little Schnauser
Season 3 • Episode 17
Charlie boycotts an advertising awards banquet, having lost several years in a row to his nemesis.
Friday, May 1
The Spit-Covered Cobbler
Season 3 • Episode 18
Alan gets into financial trouble because he keeps paying the expenses of his young girlfriend.
Friday, May 1
Golly Moses, She's a Muffin
Season 3 • Episode 19
Kandi moves in with Alan, causing tension in the house, since Charlie is having a dry spell.
Friday, May 1
Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
Season 3 • Episode 20
Alan tries to win Kandi back, and Charlie sleeps with her mom.
Friday, May 1
And the Plot Moistens
Season 3 • Episode 21
Alan finds that he has more in common with Jake's teacher than with Kandi.
Friday, May 1
Just Once With Aunt Sophie
Season 3 • Episode 22
Charlie and Alan help Jake prepare for his first boy-girl party.
Friday, May 1
Arguments for the Quickie
Season 3 • Episode 23
Charlie's former girlfriend (Emmanuelle Vaugier) returns with an unexpected request.
Friday, May 1
That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
Season 3 • Episode 24
Charlie and Mia plan their wedding despite complications on both sides of the family.
Friday, May 1
Working for Caligula
Season 4 • Episode 1
Charlie returns to his bachelor lifestyle; Alan breaks down following his second divorce.
Friday, May 1
Who's Vod Kanockers?
Season 4 • Episode 2
Charlie tells Alan the truth about his breakup with Mia; a famous neighbor causes trouble.
Friday, May 1
The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress
Season 4 • Episode 3
Charlie is convinced he saw his late father while having a near-death experience.
Friday, May 1
A Pot-Smoking Monkey
Season 4 • Episode 4
After their split, Alan wants to gain custody of his and Kandi's dog.
Friday, May 1
A Live Woman of Proven Fertility
Season 4 • Episode 5
Herb and Jake's relationship threatens wedding plans with Judith, so Alan and Charlie take action.
Friday, May 1
Apologies for the Frivolity
Season 4 • Episode 6
Charlie does not realize that his latest girlfriend is a younger version of his mother.
Friday, May 1
Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head
Season 4 • Episode 7
Charlie helps Berta confront the man who impregnated her daughter; Alan satisfies a secret fetish.
Friday, May 1
Release the Dogs
Season 4 • Episode 8
Jake pleads with Charlie not to date the mother of a girl he likes.
Friday, May 1
Corey's Been Dead for an Hour
Season 4 • Episode 9
Charlie and Alan go on a double date, leaving Jake home alone for the first time.
Friday, May 1
Kissing Abraham Lincoln
Season 4 • Episode 10
Charlie must choose between his girlfriend and his housekeeper.
Friday, May 1
Walnuts and Demerol
Season 4 • Episode 11
Charlie finds himself throwing an unwanted, unplanned holiday party.
Friday, May 1
Castrating Sheep in Montana
Season 4 • Episode 12
Berta learns that Alan has been dating her daughter.
Friday, May 1
Don't Worry, Speed Racer
Season 4 • Episode 13
Jake tells Charlie and Alan that he often overhears Judith and Herb making out.
Friday, May 1
That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
Season 4 • Episode 14
Charlie has second thoughts after setting Alan up with their new neighbor.
Friday, May 1
My Damn Stalker
Season 4 • Episode 15
Charlie must face his feelings when Rose announces she is moving to London.
Friday, May 1
I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
Season 1 • Episode 19
Judith's sister (Teri Hatcher) hits on Alan at Jake's birthday party.
Friday, May 1
Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
Season 1 • Episode 20
After trying a father/son talk, Alan and Judith decide to take a moody Jake to a therapist.
Saturday, May 2
No Sniffing, No Wowing
Season 1 • Episode 21
Charlie jeopardizes Alan's settlement by sleeping with his attorney.
Saturday, May 2
My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
Season 1 • Episode 22
Charlie attempts to cure Alan of his recent bout of sleepwalking.
Saturday, May 2
Just Like Buffalo
Season 1 • Episode 23
Charlie tries to get Judith to let Jake continue to spend weekends at his place.
Saturday, May 2
Can You Feel My Finger?
Season 1 • Episode 24
A pregnancy scare has Charlie heading to the doctor for a vasectomy.
Saturday, May 2
City of Great Racks
Season 5 • Episode 4
Although Charlie is getting closer to Linda, he begins to see Rose's face wherever he looks.
Saturday, May 2
Pilot
Season 1 • Episode 1
Charlie discovers that a man raising a 10-year-old boy attracts the attention of women.
Saturday, May 2
Big Flappy Bastards
Season 1 • Episode 2
Charlie does not know how to discipline Jake for luring a flock of sea gulls into his room.
Saturday, May 2
Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
Season 1 • Episode 3
One drink too many emboldens the brothers to stand up to their controlling mother.
Saturday, May 2
If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
Season 1 • Episode 4
Alan tries to take over the housework after his neurotic demands scare away Charlie's cleaning lady.
Saturday, May 2
The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump
Season 1 • Episode 5
Charlie and Alan meet several women while attending one of Jake's soccer games.
Saturday, May 2
Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
Season 1 • Episode 6
After Evelyn's new beau dumps her, Charlie and Alan enlist Jake to cheer her up.
Saturday, May 2
If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
Season 1 • Episode 7
For a school assignment, Jake draws the tattooed buttocks of Charlie's female friend.
Saturday, May 2
Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful
Season 1 • Episode 8
Charlie uses his ability to write jingles to produce Jake's school musical.
Saturday, May 2
Phase One, Complete
Season 1 • Episode 9
Charlie suspects a woman is using Evelyn and Jake to get to him.
Saturday, May 2
Merry Thanksgiving
Season 1 • Episode 10
In an attempt to prove that he is a family man, Charlie invites Lisa over for Thanksgiving dinner.
Saturday, May 2
Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
Season 1 • Episode 11
Alan reluctantly agrees to a makeover after running into his ex-wife and her new beau.
Saturday, May 2
Camel Filters and Pheremones
Season 1 • Episode 12
The housekeeper's sexy teenage granddaughter attracts the guys' attention.
Saturday, May 2
Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
Season 1 • Episode 15
Against Alan's judgment, Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Frankie (Jenna Elfman).
Saturday, May 2
That Was Saliva, Alan
Season 1 • Episode 16
Frankie (Jenna Elfman) divulges her big secret, then falls for one of the brothers.
Saturday, May 2
Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
Season 1 • Episode 17
Alan offends Charlie by choosing harebrained cousins as Jake's guardians in the event of his death.
Saturday, May 2
An Old Flame With a New Wick
Season 1 • Episode 18
Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man (Chris O'Donnell).
Sunday, May 3
I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
Season 1 • Episode 19
Judith's sister (Teri Hatcher) hits on Alan at Jake's birthday party.
Sunday, May 3
Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
Season 1 • Episode 20
After trying a father/son talk, Alan and Judith decide to take a moody Jake to a therapist.
Sunday, May 3
No Sniffing, No Wowing
Season 1 • Episode 21
Charlie jeopardizes Alan's settlement by sleeping with his attorney.
Sunday, May 3
My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
Season 1 • Episode 22
Charlie attempts to cure Alan of his recent bout of sleepwalking.
Sunday, May 3
Just Like Buffalo
Season 1 • Episode 23
Charlie tries to get Judith to let Jake continue to spend weekends at his place.
Sunday, May 3
Can You Feel My Finger?
Season 1 • Episode 24
A pregnancy scare has Charlie heading to the doctor for a vasectomy.
Sunday, May 3
Back Off Mary Poppins
Season 2 • Episode 1
Alan begs Charlie to let him join his exclusive men's group.
Sunday, May 3
Enjoy Those Garlic Balls
Season 2 • Episode 2
Alan is upset that Judith is dating Jake's pediatrician.
Sunday, May 3
A Bag Full of Jawea
Season 2 • Episode 3
Charlie tries to save Jake from school suspension by romancing his teacher.
Sunday, May 3
Go Get Mommy's Bra
Season 2 • Episode 4
Charlie's mother borrows the Mercedes to impress a Saudi prince.
Sunday, May 3
Bad News From the Clinic
Season 2 • Episode 5
Charlie meets his match when he falls for a woman who is better at playing hard to get than he is.
Sunday, May 3
The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
Season 2 • Episode 6
Alan fears he has a dark side, until Charlie admits to a nasty trick.
Sunday, May 3
A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
Season 2 • Episode 7
Charlie and Alan hire Berta's sister to cater a party.
Sunday, May 3
Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
Season 2 • Episode 8
Alan meets a woman at the grocery store who fulfills his every fantasy.
Sunday, May 3
Yes, Monsignor
Season 2 • Episode 9
Charlie bumps into an old flame he once thought would be Mrs. Right.
Sunday, May 3
The Salmon Under My Sweater
Season 2 • Episode 10
Charlie is tasked with writing a theme song to one of Jake's favorite comics.
Sunday, May 3
Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
Season 2 • Episode 11
Jake discovers an angry Website devoted to Charlie's womanizing ways.
Sunday, May 3
A Lungful of Alan
Season 2 • Episode 12
The brothers compete for the attentions of Alan's high-school friend.
Monday, May 4
Good Morning Mrs. Butterworth
Season 6 • Episode 23
When Chelsea and Alan become best friends, Charlie tries to take advantage of the situation.
Monday, May 4
Baseball Was Better With Steroids
Season 6 • Episode 24
Charlie begins to question his relationship with Chelsea.
Monday, May 4
The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack New
Season 9 • Episode 15
Walden tries to loosen Zooey up by sharing some of Berta's special brownies.
Monday, May 4
Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy New
Season 9 • Episode 16
Conflict arises when a huge storm keeps Walden, Alan, Zoey and Lindsay at home on Valentine's Day.
Monday, May 4
Not in My Mouth! New
Season 9 • Episode 17
A near-death experience has an adverse effect on Zoey and Walden's relationship.
Monday, May 4
The War Against Gingivitis New
Season 9 • Episode 18
Walden's ex-business partner shows up at the beach house looking to make peace.
Monday, May 4
Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow (Get Off My Hair)
Season 2 • Episode 13
When Judith's pipes burst after an earthquake, Alan invites her to stay with him at Charlie's house.
Monday, May 4
Palmdale, Ech New
Season 9 • Episode 19
Alan and Lyndsey introduce their mothers; Jake and Eldridge get a ride from Walden to a party.
Monday, May 4
Those Big Pink Things With Coconuts
Season 2 • Episode 14
Evelyn takes drastic measures to get back into her sons' lives after Alan cuts her off.
Monday, May 4
Grandma's Pie New
Season 9 • Episode 20
Walden tells Zoey that he will be going into business with his ex-wife.
Monday, May 4
Smell the Umbrella Stand
Season 2 • Episode 15
Charlie tries to distract Alan from an upcoming medical procedure by planning a trip to Las Vegas.
Monday, May 4
Mr. Hose Says Yes New
Season 9 • Episode 21
Zoey and her daughter move in with Walden; Alan gets more than he bargained for with Lyndsey.
Monday, May 4
Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth?
Season 2 • Episode 16
Alan and Charlie spend an eye-opening week caring for Jake.
Monday, May 4
Why We Gave Up Women New
Season 9 • Episode 22
When Alan has a heart attack, Charlie's ghost (Kathy Bates) visits him.
Monday, May 4
Woo-Hoo, A Hernia-Exam!
Season 2 • Episode 17
Charlie eschews Alan's medical advice in favor of a visit to his pretty female doctor.
Monday, May 4
The Straw in My Donut Hole New
Season 9 • Episode 23
Zoey isn't convinced Alan deserves all the love he receives upon his return from the hospital.
Monday, May 4
It Was Mame, Mom
Season 2 • Episode 18
Charlie and Alan pose as a gay couple in order to impress a gay ad executive.
Monday, May 4
A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise
Season 2 • Episode 19
Alan asks one of Charlie's beautiful ex-girlfriends on a date.
Monday, May 4
I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey
Season 2 • Episode 20
Charlie and Alan take their personal frustrations out on each other.
Monday, May 4
A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On
Season 2 • Episode 21
Evelyn reads in the obituaries that her second husband, Harry, has died.
Monday, May 4
That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother
Season 2 • Episode 22
After taking a loan from Evelyn, Alan is guilted into double-dating with her.
Monday, May 4
Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
Season 2 • Episode 23
Alan is reluctant to leave Jake with Evelyn.
Monday, May 4
Does This Smell Funny to You?
Season 2 • Episode 24
Charlie unknowingly sleeps with an elderly man's (Orson Bean) hot trophy wife.
Monday, May 4
Pilot
Season 1 • Episode 1
Charlie discovers that a man raising a 10-year-old boy attracts the attention of women.
Monday, May 4
Big Flappy Bastards
Season 1 • Episode 2
Charlie does not know how to discipline Jake for luring a flock of sea gulls into his room.
Monday, May 4
Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
Season 1 • Episode 3
One drink too many emboldens the brothers to stand up to their controlling mother.
Monday, May 4
If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
Season 1 • Episode 4
Alan tries to take over the housework after his neurotic demands scare away Charlie's cleaning lady.
Tuesday, May 5
Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
Season 5 • Episode 5
Charlie has to entertain his girlfriend's 4-year-old son; Alan becomes a human guinea pig.
Tuesday, May 5
A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On
Season 2 • Episode 21
Evelyn reads in the obituaries that her second husband, Harry, has died.
Tuesday, May 5
Tinkle Like a Princess
Season 7 • Episode 16
Charlie returns from Las Vegas with the woman he married there, who is not Chelsea.
Tuesday, May 5
I Found Your Mustache
Season 7 • Episode 17
Charlie and Chelsea get together for one night, despite having ended their relationship.
Tuesday, May 5
Ixnay on the Oggie Day
Season 7 • Episode 18
Charlie has a return engagement with Gail; Alan has a surprising effect on a female patient.
Tuesday, May 5
Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave
Season 7 • Episode 19
Jake's new friend, Eldridge, is a bad influence; Alan likes Eldridge's attractive mother.
Tuesday, May 5
I Called Him Magoo
Season 7 • Episode 20
Alan tries for an intimate night at a hotel with his new girlfriend.
Tuesday, May 5
Gumby With a Pokey
Season 7 • Episode 21
Alan and Jake go on a road trip; Charlie finds himself haunted by the ghosts of his ex-girlfriends.
Tuesday, May 5
This Is Not Gonna End Well
Season 7 • Episode 22
Charlie's license is suspended; Alan plans to go to Chelsea's birthday party.
Tuesday, May 5
Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
Season 8 • Episode 1
Jake goes to live with Judith and Herb after learning that Alan has been dating Eldridge's mom.
Tuesday, May 5
A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
Season 8 • Episode 2
When Lindsey asks Alan to move in with her, Charlie will do anything to get him to agree to it.
Tuesday, May 5
A Pudding-Filled Cactus
Season 8 • Episode 3
After moving in with Lyndsey, Alan continues to have a rendezvous with Melissa at Charlie's house.
Wednesday, May 6
Frodo's Headshots
Season 9 • Episode 9
After being released from the hospital, Alan faces challenges that test his mental stability.
Wednesday, May 6
Help Daddy Find His Toenail
Season 5 • Episode 6
Charlie's girlfriend is embarrassed to be seen with him; Jake sneaks out to go to a concert.
Wednesday, May 6
That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother
Season 2 • Episode 22
After taking a loan from Evelyn, Alan is guilted into double-dating with her.
Wednesday, May 6
Hookers, Hookers, Hookers
Season 8 • Episode 4
Lyndsey and Eldridge move into Charlie's house after their home burns down.
Wednesday, May 6
The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel
Season 8 • Episode 5
Alan pretends to be Charlie when he goes out on the town; Charlie sneaks off for cosmetic surgery.
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