'90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After?': Mom's The Word (RECAP)
[Warning: The below contains MAJOR spoilers for Season 5, Episode 5 of 90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After?]
The key to any man's heart is through his mother...or his mother's wallet. Get ready to cringe as Colt discusses his sex life with Debbie, while Paul treads water browsing decrepit trailers until his mom will agree to yet another loan. Oh, and don't forget to blush when Andrei attempts to teach his wife Elizabeth how to be more like his mother. Looks like someone forgot to read Oedipus in high school.
Following last week's conclusion, Larissa learns she can still stay in the U.S. "Oh my God, I'm free," she tells her friend. "I thought that was my end already. Say goodbye, America."
However, this is still just the start of Larissa's process in filing for a Green Card.
Kalani's family kicks off Oliver's birthday weekend, sans Asuelu. He did apparently get off the local bus he boarded last episode and didn't quite make it back to Utah. Instead, Asuelu showed his frustration by sending his wife Kalani on a wild goose chase.
"I texted Asuelu last night to see where he was, and then he sent me three false locations to drive to, and then finally I texted him and said 'I'm not going to keep driving around looking for you,'" she recounts. "When I got to the hotel he was at, he got in the car and threatened to find a bus to go back to Utah. I kept telling him I didn't care about what's going on, I just needed him to come back because I didn't want Oliver to be punished for his actions."
Kalani's father Low offers to talk to Asuelu and teach him a lesson. Low decides instead to "keep his cool" over the weekend but that Asuelu owes both Kalani and her mother an apology. Kolini, Kalani's sister, says that just like the two breastfeeding toddlers, Asuelu is "sucking the life" out of Kalani.
Kalani later tries to speak with Asuelu, but he refuses to leave his bedroom and stop playing video games.
Three's a Crowd
Colt and his mother Debbie prepare for their trip to Brazil. "I want to see what their Walmart looks like," she laughs. She also tells Colt that if she has a "bad feeling" about Jess, she'll want him to break up with her.
"She needs to give Jess a chance because I don't want my mother being there to jeopardize my relationship with Jess," Colt tells the camera.
After 14 hours of travel, the mother-son pair land in Brazil. Jess picks them up from the airport, albeit with some trepidation. She has a slightly different mindset after speaking with Larissa, so she plans on being more guarded during this trip.
Already the mismatched trio of Jess, Colt, and Debbie becomes odd. Jess says to the camera that she can't wait to have "private time with Colt for sex" as Debbie stands next to them. The couple also hold hands, make out, and snuggle on the car ride back to the hotel.
Yes, that's the top of Debbie's head peeking out on the right:
In an extra cringe moment, Colt shares the names he and Jess picked out for their future children: Dominic and Katrina. From the backseat Debbie sighs, feigning sickness to disguise disgust. "Oh god, you're kidding, right?" she stresses as she watches her beloved son smooch Jess. "I really, really need to lie down right now."
Coming to Nigeria
Angela says goodbye to her ailing mother and leaves for Nigeria. She also packs her wedding dress. "Here I come Michael, ready or not!" Angela smiles. "Oh my God, am I really doing this? Getting married in Nigeria...Love is crazy, it makes you do crazy s**t."
Return to South Africa
In Connecticut, Syngin defends his drinking patterns to both Tania and the camera. The couple goes to a nice dinner to check in with one another and discuss their issues: her injury and his lifestyle balance.
"I've been thinking about it a lot as well. I came to America for you...I didn't come here to make my life here," Syngin says to Tania. Apparently he was skeptical to move from South Africa to the U.S., and his current goal is to just make enough money to buy property.
"I don't have interest in staying here. I just don't think America is where I would like to raise kids," Syngin explains. "I do not feel that it's going to work here." Is this a major bombshell or just a passing statement?
Tania understandably says she's confused, and Syngin points out she asked him to move across the world for her but still doesn't even acknowledge him as her soulmate. Guess we're doing this again...
"A Woman's Place"
Elizabeth settles into Moldovan life at Andrei's parents' house. His mother teaches Elizabeth how to make traditional food, as much as she can with their language barrier. Andrei, though, takes the opportunity to compare Elizabeth's cooking to his mother's (always a great idea).
He basks in the tension he's creating, only to then pause to revel in the spoils of being home. Andrei mistranslates his mother—she does in fact get tired preparing a formal spread every day—and to Elizabeth merely says that Moldovans are "more energized."
"Is that why you have a job, right?" Elizabeth fires back. "You're a man, right? Head of the household?"
"You don't want to insult me like this in front of my parents," Andrei warns, though his parents can't understand Elizabeth's jab.
"[Andrei] is talking about Moldovan housewives' traditional roles, when he lives in America and he's a stay-at-home dad and I'm the breadwinner," Elizabeth vents in a confessional.
Speaking of breadwinners, Paul further flounders in Kentucky. He angles to ask his mother to support Karine and their young son Pierre at dinner that night. Unfortunately for Paul's plan, Karine and Pierre opt to stay back at the hotel.
Paul's mother is more than disappointed, saying that she wouldn't have agreed to have dinner with Paul without Karine present. He still dives in with his request for a loan. "I'm just trying to offer Pierre the best possible life. The thing is right now, I need a little bit of financial help to get on my feet," he begs his mom.
His mother explains that Paul has taken multiple loans from her without repaying them and he should have thought about this before their move to the U.S. Paul also is using her grandson Pierre as a pawn. "He knows how to push my buttons and he does it well," his mother tells the camera. She resists though and tells Paul the loan is "not going to happen."
Asuelu is still refusing to leave his bedroom. Kalani goes ahead and starts the party for their son Oliver, calling Asuelu's behavior like a "four year-old's." Towards the end of the evening, Asuelu finally emerges.
Kalani's father Low tells Asuelu that he needs to be there for Oliver, refraining from causing a scene himself. "The next time it won't be any more talking. It will just be straight ass-whooping," Low says to the camera.
Asuelu awkwardly puts his arm around Kalani while in the backyard, and her sister Kolini sees through his facade. "He's a fine actor. I know it's bulls**t but whatever makes him feel better," she grins.
Asuelu continues to mumble and pout as Kalani cleans up the party. He doesn't offer the apology that Kalani seeks, and she feels at a crossroads in their relationship.
Angela arrives in Nigeria and still cannot believe that she will soon be Michael's wife. They embrace at the airport and later head to a rented apartment.
Angela has some issues with the home that Michael picked out, including the hardness of the mattress ("it's as hard as an erection") and the sparse kitchen. Plus, there's a dead rat waiting near the oven to greet them. Michael just laughs.
"The rat and the bed have got to go but...overall I think he did a pretty good job," Angela laughs. They only have three weeks to plan their wedding, but the couple is beyond excited.
A Moldovan and an American Walk Into a Bar
Andrei brings Elizabeth to a bar to hang out with his friends. In the cab on the way there, she reminds him to translate so she's not left out. "This a new trend of yours to be a feminist or some s**t? What do you want, a podium to speak?" Andrei snaps.
"I feel like Andrei is trying to act more like an alpha male and I don't know if he's doing that because we're in Moldova now," Elizabeth puzzles.
At the bar, Andrei's friends chide him over the fact he doesn't work. But he even asks why he needs to, if he can rely on Elizabeth and her family. "America is kind of changing Andrei...he's becoming too soft, I don't like it," one of his friends states.
Separately, Elizabeth explains her marital issues with Andrei to his female friends. "He is rude but I just think [my family] doesn't understand him yet," she tells them. She's worried about how her sister Jenn will act once in Moldova, especially with speaking her mind.
"I'm kind of scared because I can bite my tongue, but I don't think my family will," she warns in a confessional.
"I already see [her family] getting in trouble with their stupid loud mouths," Andrei seconds. "I'm hoping for the best but expecting the worst from them."
From Tying the Knot to Being Tied Down
Tania starts tearing up after Syngin's supposedly aggressive statement about soulmates. "Before me and Tania got married, she dropped the bombshell on me that she doesn't feel I'm her soulmate. But I decided that wasn't worth breaking up because it's something we can talk through and sort through, but it can be hard sometimes to understand when she wants to make future plans but she's unsure if I'm her true soulmate," Syngin explains to the camera.
At the dinner, he accuses Tania of not being ready to fully commit to their future. He also thinks he might not be ready to start their new chapter. "We're married now, like what do you mean?" Tania vents. Syngin is worried about being tied down when they have children, and she tries to equate his statement to not being able to party. He clarifies that having kids means that he doesn't have the freedom to leave whenever he wants to. He can't now regardless because he's married!
"The only reason me and Tania did get married is because of the 90 days and because of the K-1 visa," Syngin says. "I love Tania but I don't want to stay long-term in the States because I think there is better opportunities out there. I've also kind of been homesick since I left. If our plans don't align and we can't find a compromise where we both are happy, then that will be the end of us."
Second Try at Love
Larissa resumes her relationship search. "I want to find a man who can take care of me," she smiles. She goes on a date with....her ex-boyfriend Eric!
"I always was in love with Eric when we were dating but I decided to break up with him because of all the kind of relationship problems and I thought that he didn't admire me anymore," Larissa summarizes to the camera. "But I miss being in a relationship with him because Eric isn't perfect but he always tries to help me out when we were together and he doesn't judge me for anything I did in my life."
Larissa and Eric tell one another about their lonely single lives, but he isn't letting her off that easy. She apparently broke up with him via text out of the blue. "I felt like ash, just out with the wind," Eric attempts at a poetic analogy. "I felt used...You drove me crazy like a roulette wheel."
Also there was a so-called "cheesy butt" incident involving random women messaging hateful things to Larissa post-breakup, which she attributes to Eric's revenge tirade. "I thought that was Eric who sent the girls my phone number so I had to make a police report against him," she explains. But now she wants him back?
She apologizes for getting the cops involved but still maintains that it was a "scary" situation for her. Eric asks how they will fix their old problems if he decides to move forward with her. Larissa reminds him their sex was "amazing" in the beginning, so she wants to return to that passion. "I can see the love flame. It's still burning," she jokes.
He agrees to see her again if they can work on their communication and take things slowly. "I just want to make you happy," he tells Larissa.
"Buy Five, Save Five"
Paul brings Karine to a grocery store and emphasizes how fresh all the produce is. "I really hope this helps me sell America to her and she can realize this is the best choice for us," he explains in a confessional.
She separately says she's "unimpressed" with the supermarket because they also exist in Brazil. Paul tries to convince Karine that buying in bulk is better for a promotional discount; she just mutters that he "has no money."
"These are things we have to have. You buy five, you save five," Paul repeats. "Perfect, let's do it." He also attempts to pick up tampons for Karine, which results in a great series of descriptions of how various menstrual pads work.
Post-market, Paul brings Karine to look at some real estate options. "Even though Paul's crazy at times, I realize Paul is trying really hard to make me happy. He's looking for a house and this is his chance to show that he can take care of us," she explains to the camera.
The real estate agent brings them to a "redo yourself" property. "Holy crap," Paul exclaims. The house is sold as-is, granted "house" is a very loose term for the mangled boxcar trailer that shocks Karine.
"I would never live or let my son live in a place like that," Karine states. Next they see an RV that also overwhelms her. "I'm not impressed with these places." She calls Paul a "no good husband."
Not the Ideal Threesome
Colt, Debbie, and Jess arrive at the hotel. "Colt and Debbie just got to Brazil and Debbie is already grumpy," Jess frowns to the camera. They're also all apparently supposed to stay in one hotel room, with three beds.
"I guess something was lost in the translation," Colt defends his suite selection.
"It's none of my business what he wants to do, just like I'm sure if I had a man in my room he wouldn't want to hear me have sex. No parent wants to hear it and no child wants to hear it," Debbie tells the camera.
Debbie screams that she just wants to sleep, startling Jess. "Maybe Debbie doesn't like me," she frets. Colt assures Jess that Debbie is hard of hearing so it should be ok when they have sex (there barely is a wall between the two areas), and overall Jess starts to believe Larissa's warning about Debbie...and perhaps also Colt.
"I'm not even finished with day one yet and this trip is already a disaster," Colt teases to the camera.
Larissa and Eric continue to date, Low tries to talk some sense into Asuelu, and Colt asks Debbie for an honest opinion on Jess. "I don't think Jess understands the bond that Colt and I have," Debbie warns in Oedipal fashion. "If she tries to break it, she's going to be in for a rude awakening."
Syngin wants to visit his brother in South Africa, plus Elizabeth and Andrei reach a breaking point in wedding planning. Lastly, Angela moves forward with her own nuptials and the spousal visa process.
Let the craziness continue!
90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After?, Sundays, 8/7c, TLC