‘The Bachelor’ 2020 Premiere: Hannah Brown’s Return Makes It All Awkward (RECAP)
Pilot references! Windmill puns! Tonight’s premiere of The Bachelor was filled with them all. After getting his heart handed to him by Hannah Brown on The Bachelorette, it appears hunky pilot Peter Weber is finally ready to find love again — or is he?
Read on for a recap of Season 24 Episode 1 that will answer all of your burning questions: Who gets the first impression rose? Who goes home? And what the heck is Hannah doing there?
So, first thing’s first, I’m sad to report that Peter’s intro consists of him getting dressed in his hotel room and there’s not a friggen shower in sight. I’ve gone months without any Bachelor in my life and this is how ABC repays me? Let’s just say I’m fairly certain if Tyler Cameron was chosen as the lead, we would’ve been gazing at some abs by now. Thanks a lot, Gigi Hadid.
We cut to the girls’ intros and meet a handful of hopefuls including one named Alexa who “waxes vaginas for a living.” This chick’s going places. The fact that she successfully compared waxing various body parts to falling in love proves she’s on ABC’s good side, so my money is on her to stick around. We also meet Hannah Ann who is a drop dead gorgeous model who’s traveled the world but she’s also just a totally normal, regular girl. Yeah, same here.
We finally get to the limo entrances, where Hannah Ann walks out and reminds Peter that he already dated a girl named Hannah. Because that’s necessary. And plenty of other girls reference Peter and Hannah’s infamous four-time sex marathon from last season — BECAUSE THAT’S ALSO NECESSARY. Girls, the way to a man’s heart is not through his ex-girlfriend. We can do better.
Taking a page out of Nick Viall’s season, we have a contestant named Kelley who previously met Peter in a hotel lobby. It’s unclear if these two hooked up or what really happened the night they met, but they do a choreographed dance together and I’m officially confused. Regardless, Kelley is one to watch out for. He’s really into her and a little too happy that she walked out of the limo.
Other notable (using that word lightly) entrances include Madison, who dressed up as a paper airplane, Kiarra, who gave me a full blown anxiety attack by showing up in a legitimate suitcase, and Deandra, who dressed as an actual human windmill.
And then, the big surprise of the night arrives: Hannah Brown. And panic ensues. Is she back for windmill session No. 5? No, of course not. She’s taking a 10-minute break from Dancing With the Stars to give Peter back the set of wings he gave her on the first night of The Bachelorette. Cute? Actually yeah. But it would’ve been a huge time saver to just drop those babies in the mail. We know this isn’t the last we’ll see of Hannah this season — thanks to the juicy trailer — but perhaps she’ll just drop off yet another item that belongs to Peter, like a seatbelt.
After Hannah leaves, Peter sets his sight on the other Hannah. She gives him a painting and that earns her the first kiss of the night. It seems as though she’s bitten by the love bug because one chat with Peter isn’t enough — she comes back two more times, interrupting other women, to get additional time (and kisses) with him. And when she’s confronted about her taboo move, she plays dumb and coy, encouraging others to go after him as well. She may be an evil genius and I’m here for it. Apparently Peter likes evil geniuses, too, because Hannah Ann gets the first impression rose.
The rose ceremony kicks off and, based on the shallow conversations about his sexual history with another woman, Peter can totally see his wife in that room. A handful of girls are sent home, including Kylie, Maurissa, and Katrina. They don’t even bother filming all of the exit interviews because half of these girls got virtually no screen time. Brutal.
The group date
Hannah Ann, Kelley, Deandra, Tammy, Courtney, Shiann, Victoria P., Jasmine, and Victoria F. are the lucky recipients of the first group date card. Peter takes the girls to “flight school” to learn a bit more about his history with aviation. The class is filled with word problems, vocabulary lessons, and a fake turbulence simulator. Victoria P. has a traumatic Annaliese-style flashback when she remembers that she rode the teacups ride at an amusement park and can’t even bear the thought of riding on the “spinny thing.” But, Peter comes to her rescue after she pukes in the bathroom, so clearly chivalry isn’t dead.
At the cocktail party, Kelley gets even more alone time with Peter and lands herself the group date rose. The girls are pissed because Peter seems to be fixated on her, and he even references how they met prior to The Bachelor, which is just plain weird of him to acknowledge in a competitive setting.
The one-on-one date
Peter takes Madison to his parents’ home for the first one-on-one date of the season. Mr. and Mrs. Weber are renewing their vows in a backyard ceremony, so it only makes sense for Peter to officiate it (guess Chris Harrison was busy) while Madison watches from the pews. To be honest, I’m pretty bored, but Madison calls it the “most incredible date” of her whole life and that seems like a massive exaggeration. You’re sitting in a backyard with a bunch of strangers, Madison. Shall we raise our standards a bit?
Later that evening, the two connect over dinner and talk about how they both have parents who are in love. So much in common. What are the chances?
“I think you’re an incredible guy and I trust you. And I want you to trust you too. I want someone who will be the best fit for you,” she tells him. “I’m really hopeful.”
And she should be, because obviously Peter gives her the rose. They end the evening with a private concert from Tenille Arts. But the private concert is actually just a reception for Peter’s parents’ vow renewal, and the entire Weber clan runs in to watch their son put the moves on Madison.
“This is a fairytale,” Peter says.
The second group date
Lauren, Sydney, Natasha, Alexa, Kelsey, Mckenna, Alayah, and Savannah get the second group date and the card hints that things are going to get awkward. And they do. The girls and Peter arrive on the date and find Hannah Brown yet again. She stands on stage and tells the story of her relationship with Peter — as if they don’t already know — going into intimate details about their time spent in the windmill. Why we need to hear this story for the 450th time, I am not sure, but we later find out that the girls, and Peter, will also have to share their own sex stories… in front of a live audience.
“How am I going to top the windmill?” Peter asks, reminding his potential brides YET AGAIN that the sex with Hannah was top notch.
So just when I thought this was all a ratings ploy, Hannah breaks down emotionally backstage. Like real tears. Mascara tears. It’s clear she regrets saying goodbye to Peter during her season and the feelings are still raw. Hannah even reveals that she had no doubt that Peter was going to be in the final two with Jed — but as we know it was ultimately Tyler C. who made it instead.
“You never told me that,” Peter says. He explains that after he saw Jed and Hannah’s relationship fall apart on the final episode, he was totally willing to give their love a second chance. But Hannah infamously asked Tyler C. out for a drink on live television, which ultimately broke Peter’s heart once again. He couldn’t deal with being third. (But can someone please remind him that by that point, he already was third?)
“I thought you wanted to be The Bachelor,” she tells him, explaining why she asked Tyler on a date and not Peter. It’s clear there is something still going on between these two, but there’s a lot in the way of their current relationship, like the 20-something women who are currently signed up to date him.
“I feel like such a jerk because I have such an awesome group of girls here expecting to meet someone who was truly ready to have this work for them as well and I don’t know,” he admits.
We don’t even get to finish the group date before we’re hit with the “To Be Continued…”
The Bachelor, Mondays, 8/7c, ABC