’90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After?’ Premiere: The Pursuit of Happiness (RECAP)

[Warning: The below contains MAJOR spoilers for the Season 5 premiere of 90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After?]

Some of our favorite couples return for Season 5 of 90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After? From those we love to watch to the ones we love to hate, this season promises to be a rollercoaster of arguments, cheating allegations, and new loves. There’s definitely no shortage of drama here.

Crossfit Colt

The divisive Colt kicks off the episode, rocking out while working out in his garage. “For the first time I’m focusing on myself,” he explains. “I’m just trying to rebuild my life after my long and complicated divorce from Larissa.”

After a tumultuous relationship with Larissa, his “Brazilian dream girl,” they divorced less than a year into their marriage. Colt is still living with his mother, Debbie, in Las Vegas, and recently was shown on the 90 Day Fiancé: Self-Quarantined spinoff.

We are treated to a great view of Colt showering while discussing his latest love interest, Jess, who also happens to be Brazilian. The 26-year-old hits all of his boxes: glasses, redhead, and loves cats. She apparently reached out through a dating app and currently works as an au pair in Chicago.

Colt hasn’t told his mother yet about Jess because of Debbie’s past drama with Larissa, but he plans to secretly travel to the Windy City to take things a step further with Jess. Sounds like a great plan, Colt.

Flashdance Angela

Suddenly there is a gyrating Angela onscreen. The 90 Day franchise veteran is taking a lap dancing class with her daughter, Skyler, practicing her “booty popping” for her fiancé Michael.

“Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I’d fall in love with him. He’s all the way across the world, in another continent,” she explains about her Nigerian love. “Me and Michael fight a lot, and then we make up a lot…but we love each other and we’re going to be together one way or another.”

Michael unfortunately did not receive a K-1 visa, so Angela is traveling back to Nigeria so they can wed there and apply for a spousal visa. She asks her daughter to travel with her, but Skyler still remains skeptical of Michael.

It’s Your Money and You Don’t Even Know It

After welcoming a daughter eight months ago, young couple Elizabeth and Andrei still seem to be having the same marital problems as before. “Our financial situation hasn’t really improved,” she stresses, as he prefers to be a stay-at-home dad.

Money has consistently been a strain in Andrei and Elizabeth’s family, but the couple still heads to a birthday party for her father Chuck. Andrei finds his in-laws “double-faced” and already Elizabeth’s sisters complain about them being late to dinner. In the middle of the birthday celebrations, Andrei announces that he cares to invite Elizabeth’s family to a second wedding in his native Moldova. In a month. That he’s expecting her parents to pay for. WHAT?

New Face, New Body—Now Just Need a New Man

Meanwhile back in Vegas, Colt’s 33-year-old ex-wife Larissa completes her court-mandated community service for domestic violence charges. As she scrubs toilets and complains about “poopy smells,” she recalls her past with Colt. What she thought would be her American dream turned into a “nightmare” with Debbie and Colt’s passive aggressive manipulation tactics. Their relationship quickly became toxic, and today Larissa lives with her friend Carmen. She was dating boyfriend Eric who made an appearance at last year’s Tell All, but they also recently broke up.

Larissa is open about her significant plastic surgery procedures, including Botox, a nose job, lip injections, and chin and cheekbone implants. After a significant weight loss and new face, she is feeling better than ever.

Larissa and her friends hang by the pool where she reminisces about how sex-crazed Colt was (that’s a good thing, apparently) and why she broke up with recent ex Eric. He was cheap and not intimate with her, “more like friends,” as she says. Carmen boasts that she’s been engaged 13 times (is that even possible?) and that she’s “got” Larissa in terms of finding a husband. Colt cancelled Larissa’s Green Card application, so finding a new man is high up on her to-do list to stay in the U.S.

While it wasn’t ever discussed on Colt and Larissa’s previous seasons, she in fact has multiple children back in Brazil. She doesn’t have custody over most of them, but her daughter Luana lives with Larissa’s parents. Larissa now says that she hopes to stay in America to give her children a better life. “My master plan was to come to America, fall in love, and one day bring my kids here and have the family that I dream of but that dream is fading away,” she sums up.

A Taste of Family Life

The lovable Asuelu is shown serving frozen yogurt samples at work. He and wife Kalani now live in Washington, Utah with their two toddler sons. The couple met while she was on vacation in Samoa, and after two weeks of being together, Kalani lost her virginity to him. She soon discovered she was pregnant, and they became engaged. They’ve been married for a little over a year and had a second surprise pregnancy resulting in their new baby.

“Having two kids in two years has been the most difficult thing I’ve done in my life,” Kalani says, explaining that she and Asuelu rarely have time to themselves anymore. Her parents also recently moved in with them to help out with the boys.

After picking up Asuelu from work, Kalani sits down to discuss priorities with him. She says that it’s unfair for him to leave to hang out with his friends and play volleyball instead of helping her with the children. On top of that, she says she misses going on dates with him and prioritizing their relationship. “If that doesn’t change, I don’t know if I can keep doing this anymore,” she tells the camera.

New Ringtone, Who’s This?

Angela has moved into a new house with her daughters, six grandchildren, and her elderly mother. She FaceTimes Michael to show him the new place and also inform him that she has gotten her period. This is apparently a big deal because they’re trying to have a child together, even though she hasn’t had her period in years and is in her 50s.

While on the phone with him, she hears a special ringtone on his second phone. “Why are you nervous about that ringtone? I’ve never heard that goddamn ringtone before!” Angela screams, obviously assuming it’s a woman. (Michael has cheated on her before.) She starts swearing at him, saying he should just “go play with his ringtone.”

A Wedding Solves Everything

Back at the awkward party, Andrei tries to convince Elizabeth’s family to be more excited about their surprise upcoming wedding. “You’re being a real pain in the a**,” Elizabeth scolds him for not discussing it with her first. “I had no idea that he wanted to do it so soon.”

“It’s not that we don’t support you and everything and that we don’t want to be there but it’s unrealistic to drop this on us,” her mom explains.

Andrei says he wants his family to meet his daughter, Eleanor, and they need to have a traditional wedding there before Eleanor can be baptized. He assures them that it will be a fun time and, most importantly, cheap since it’s the off-season.

Feline Foreplay

Colt arrives in Chicago to see Jess. He already is comparing her to Larissa, joking that he doesn’t want to find out that Jess secretly also has children back in Brazil.

Jess meets him at a bar, and they already act like boyfriend and girlfriend. She flirtatiously says that she will “teach him” how to date a Brazilian woman, including kissing or even having sex on the first date. They discuss cats….literally, cats. This is not a euphemism. Jess even has a shoulder tattoo of her cat.

“I feel like she’s a breath of fresh air. She’s giving me life again,” Colt purrs during a confessional. Their cringey sex talk escalates into them leaving the bar to spend the night together.

Man of the House

Kalani’s father Low speaks with Asuelu about his future while they rake apples. Asuelu privately says he’s not a fan of his in-laws living with them since he’s now not the man of the house. In contrast, Low admits he’s still waiting for Asuelu to even become a man.

“He’s living the teenager life. He’s not living the manly life. He’s not a man yet I don’t think,” Low says. He tells Asuelu that “play time is over” and raising his children must be a priority. Asuelu counters that he’s not going out drinking or dancing, he’s going to play volleyball. Regardless, Low says Asuelu can’t be doing things “half-assed.”

“Hopefully you listen. If I get concerned, you’re going to have a problem. There’s no more f**king around, man,” Low concludes.

Cash Call

Larissa calls her father to ask for $5,000 since Colt has cut her off. Without a Green Card, she can’t legally work, so she’s strapped for cash. Too bad she injected most of it already into her face. Also, need we remind you that Larissa’s father is the one taking care of her daughter? She’s essentially looking to take money away from her own child.

Larissa’s father instead tells her to just find another boyfriend and eventually husband to pay for her lifestyle because that’s part of her “American dream.” He says she needs to do whatever it takes to stay in the U.S. Larissa is worried about applying for a Green Card on her own because of how expensive the process is. He agrees to send half of her $5,000 request now and the rest later.

“I’m so glad that my father agreed to help me pay for my Green Card application, but I’m still worried that my arrest will make it hard for me to stay in America,” Larissa skeptically says.

The Age-Old Question: Mechanic or Other Woman?

Angela spirals worrying about the ringtone on Michael’s second phone. She smokes a cigarette while he calls her back. He promises the special ringtone is for his mechanic (slightly unreasonable) and she brings up that Skyler requested they meet with a marriage lawyer to discuss options if she and Michael were to get divorced.

To Have and to Hold

Elizabeth and Andrei leave her father’s party, but continue to discuss their apparently impending nuptials. “It’s seems like I don’t have a say in my own damn wedding,” she vents to the camera.

Andrei also reminds her that her family will be paying for this wedding, and after all of the money Chuck has given them, Elizabeth is rightfully angry. Andrei attempts to use sibling rivalry to his advantage, reminding Elizabeth that all of her sisters had “dream weddings” paid for by their father. He demands Elizabeth ask her father for money. “You promised me,” Andrei pleads.

Cat’s Out of the Bag

Colt and Jess make out in front of the bar. “I’m excited to get laid tonight. It’s been a while,” he says in a most eloquent, gentlemanly fashion. He tells Jess she’s his “girl.”

“I’m so happy I came,” Colt smiles. Jess, though, is upset he told his mother he was visiting friends in Chicago; she doesn’t want to be a secret. He explains Debbie basically has a prejudice against Brazilian women after Larissa.

“I don’t want to rush into anything,” Colt tells Jess. “Patience is good….I don’t tell my mother everything. I just need to be careful.”

We’d say Jess also does too. Colt is not the most trustworthy, and in the previews for this season, it’s clear Jess learns that the hard way.

Previews

This season on 90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After?, we see couples venturing abroad: Elizabeth and Andrei in Moldova, tying the knot again; Colt and Jess in Brazil; and Angela and Michael in Nigeria. Returning couple Syngin and Tania also travel back to Syngin’s hometown in South Africa. Meanwhile, Larissa is retreading familiar territory herself as she pleads with ex-boyfriend Eric to take her back.

Of course Elizabeth’s family also has reservations about Moldova as a country, with her sister saying it’s “the scariest place on Earth.” Andrei has a secret past that Elizabeth learns while in his home country. Paul and Karine try to make it work in a Kentucky trailer park, and Tania and Syngin resume their marital problems. Debbie threatens Jess, plus she gets a warning from Larissa.

Like Larissa’s new breast implants, this season is a necessary addition to our summer watchlist. Don’t miss out on all the drama!

90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After?, Sundays, 8/7c, TLC