Two and a Half Men
TV14
Sitcom
The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.
Cast & Crew
Jon Cryer Alan Harper
Charlie Sheen Charlie Harper
Ashton Kutcher Walden Schmidt
Conchata Ferrell Berta
Angus T. Jones Jake Harper
Holland Taylor Evelyn Harper
Marin Hinkle Judith
Melanie Lynskey Rose
Chuck Lorre Executive Producer
Don Reo Executive Producer
Jim Patterson Executive Producer
Chuck Lorre Creator
Lee Aronsohn Creator
⨁Full Cast & Crew
Upcoming TV Airings
The airings below are based on a generic national schedule. Times and dates can vary by TV provider.
Friday, December 5
Pinocchio's Mouth
Season 6 • Episode 8
Charlie has trouble adjusting when his new girlfriend asks him to spend the night at her place.
Friday, December 5
The Mooch at the Boo
Season 6 • Episode 9
Charlie is left to cover when Jake disappears with the neighbor's daughter.
Saturday, December 6
A Good Time in Central Africa
Season 8 • Episode 9
Charlie falls for the woman who replaces Berta on her days off.
Saturday, December 6
Waiting for the Right Snapper
Season 5 • Episode 19
Charlie tries to resist temptation when he meets the daughter of the woman he's dating.
Saturday, December 6
Pilot
Season 1 • Episode 1
Charlie discovers that a man raising a 10-year-old boy attracts the attention of women.
Saturday, December 6
Big Flappy Bastards
Season 1 • Episode 2
Charlie does not know how to discipline Jake for luring a flock of sea gulls into his room.
Saturday, December 6
Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
Season 1 • Episode 3
One drink too many emboldens the brothers to stand up to their controlling mother.
Saturday, December 6
If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
Season 1 • Episode 4
Alan tries to take over the housework after his neurotic demands scare away Charlie's cleaning lady.
Saturday, December 6
The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump
Season 1 • Episode 5
Charlie and Alan meet several women while attending one of Jake's soccer games.
Saturday, December 6
Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
Season 1 • Episode 6
After Evelyn's new beau dumps her, Charlie and Alan enlist Jake to cheer her up.
Saturday, December 6
If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
Season 1 • Episode 7
For a school assignment, Jake draws the tattooed buttocks of Charlie's female friend.
Saturday, December 6
Merry Thanksgiving
Season 1 • Episode 10
In an attempt to prove that he is a family man, Charlie invites Lisa over for Thanksgiving dinner.
Saturday, December 6
Camel Filters and Pheremones
Season 1 • Episode 12
The housekeeper's sexy teenage granddaughter attracts the guys' attention.
Saturday, December 6
Sarah Like Puny Alan
Season 1 • Episode 13
Charlie drags his ailing brother to a men's steam room.
Saturday, December 6
I Can't Afford Hyenas
Season 1 • Episode 14
Charlie's accountant (Richard Lewis) tries to explain his financial woes.
Sunday, December 7
Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
Season 1 • Episode 15
Against Alan's judgment, Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Frankie (Jenna Elfman).
Sunday, December 7
That Was Saliva, Alan
Season 1 • Episode 16
Frankie (Jenna Elfman) divulges her big secret, then falls for one of the brothers.
Sunday, December 7
Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
Season 1 • Episode 17
Alan offends Charlie by choosing harebrained cousins as Jake's guardians in the event of his death.
Sunday, December 7
An Old Flame With a New Wick
Season 1 • Episode 18
Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man (Chris O'Donnell).
Sunday, December 7
I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
Season 1 • Episode 19
Judith's sister (Teri Hatcher) hits on Alan at Jake's birthday party.
Sunday, December 7
Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
Season 1 • Episode 20
After trying a father/son talk, Alan and Judith decide to take a moody Jake to a therapist.
Sunday, December 7
No Sniffing, No Wowing
Season 1 • Episode 21
Charlie jeopardizes Alan's settlement by sleeping with his attorney.
Sunday, December 7
My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
Season 1 • Episode 22
Charlie attempts to cure Alan of his recent bout of sleepwalking.
Sunday, December 7
Just Like Buffalo
Season 1 • Episode 23
Charlie tries to get Judith to let Jake continue to spend weekends at his place.
Sunday, December 7
Can You Feel My Finger?
Season 1 • Episode 24
A pregnancy scare has Charlie heading to the doctor for a vasectomy.
Sunday, December 7
A Bag Full of Jawea
Season 2 • Episode 3
Charlie tries to save Jake from school suspension by romancing his teacher.
Sunday, December 7
Go Get Mommy's Bra
Season 2 • Episode 4
Charlie's mother borrows the Mercedes to impress a Saudi prince.
Sunday, December 7
Bad News From the Clinic
Season 2 • Episode 5
Charlie meets his match when he falls for a woman who is better at playing hard to get than he is.
Sunday, December 7
The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
Season 2 • Episode 6
Alan fears he has a dark side, until Charlie admits to a nasty trick.
Sunday, December 7
A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
Season 2 • Episode 7
Charlie and Alan hire Berta's sister to cater a party.
Sunday, December 7
Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
Season 2 • Episode 8
Alan meets a woman at the grocery store who fulfills his every fantasy.
Sunday, December 7
Yes, Monsignor
Season 2 • Episode 9
Charlie bumps into an old flame he once thought would be Mrs. Right.
Monday, December 8
Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
Season 3 • Episode 2
Alan must see the school principal over a picture Jake drew.
Monday, December 8
Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
Season 3 • Episode 3
Charlie organizes an intervention to keep Alan from reuniting with Judith.
Monday, December 8
He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
Season 6 • Episode 10
When Evelyn offers to pay for Jake's college education, Alan wonders if he ever needs to work again.
Monday, December 8
The Devil's Lube
Season 6 • Episode 11
When one of Charlie's old partners in crime dies, Charlie re-evaluates his own reckless lifestyle.
Monday, December 8
Thank God for Scoliosis
Season 6 • Episode 12
Charlie and Jake fight for the affections of a waitress.
Monday, December 8
I Think You Offended Don
Season 6 • Episode 13
Judith is pregnant with a baby girl, and Alan is convinced he is the father.
Monday, December 8
David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie
Season 6 • Episode 14
Melissa thinks Alan is not appreciated by his family.
Monday, December 8
I'd Like to Start With the Cat
Season 6 • Episode 15
In an attempt to prove he has changed, Charlie agrees to go with Chelsea to couples counseling.
Monday, December 8
She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime
Season 6 • Episode 16
Charlie rushes to get a half-naked woman out of his bedroom before Chelsea arrives.
Monday, December 8
The Ocu or the Pado?
Season 6 • Episode 17
When Charlie swears his love to Chelsea, her response is nothing like what he'd expected.
Tuesday, December 9
Ow, Ow, Don't Stop
Season 8 • Episode 10
Charlie goes on a spending spree for old fling Courtney when she is released from prison.
Tuesday, December 9
Taterhead Is Our Love Child
Season 6 • Episode 1
Charlie finds that one of his former girlfriends has a son who looks a lot like him.
Tuesday, December 9
My Son's Enormous Head
Season 6 • Episode 18
Charlie fights the overwhelming urge to flee when Chelsea gets sick.
Tuesday, December 9
The Two Finger Rule
Season 6 • Episode 19
Chelsea finds pictures of a naked woman on Charlie's phone.
Tuesday, December 9
Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau
Season 6 • Episode 20
Evelyn finally meets Charlie and Chelsea.
Tuesday, December 9
Above Exalted Cyclops
Season 6 • Episode 21
Chelsea sets Alan up on a blind date with Rose.
Tuesday, December 9
Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
Season 6 • Episode 22
Charlie reluctantly lets Chelsea move in.
Tuesday, December 9
Good Morning Mrs. Butterworth
Season 6 • Episode 23
When Chelsea and Alan become best friends, Charlie tries to take advantage of the situation.
Tuesday, December 9
Baseball Was Better With Steroids
Season 6 • Episode 24
Charlie begins to question his relationship with Chelsea.
Tuesday, December 9
818-jklpuzo
Season 7 • Episode 1
Charlie must decide between his fiancee, Chelsea, and his former girlfriend, Mia.
Tuesday, December 9
An Old Flame With a New Wick
Season 1 • Episode 18
Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man (Chris O'Donnell).
Tuesday, December 9
I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
Season 1 • Episode 19
Judith's sister (Teri Hatcher) hits on Alan at Jake's birthday party.
Tuesday, December 9
Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
Season 1 • Episode 20
After trying a father/son talk, Alan and Judith decide to take a moody Jake to a therapist.
Tuesday, December 9
No Sniffing, No Wowing
Season 1 • Episode 21
Charlie jeopardizes Alan's settlement by sleeping with his attorney.
Tuesday, December 9
My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
Season 1 • Episode 22
Charlie attempts to cure Alan of his recent bout of sleepwalking.
Tuesday, December 9
Just Like Buffalo
Season 1 • Episode 23
Charlie tries to get Judith to let Jake continue to spend weekends at his place.
Tuesday, December 9
Can You Feel My Finger?
Season 1 • Episode 24
A pregnancy scare has Charlie heading to the doctor for a vasectomy.
Tuesday, December 9
Back Off Mary Poppins
Season 2 • Episode 1
Alan begs Charlie to let him join his exclusive men's group.
Wednesday, December 10
Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.
Season 11 • Episode 12
Walden wants to help Nicole with her project so she will have time to date him.
Wednesday, December 10
Dead From the Waist Down
Season 8 • Episode 11
Ashamed that he can't afford to buy a birthday present for Lyndsey, Alan gets creative.
Wednesday, December 10
Pie Hole, Herb
Season 6 • Episode 2
Alan crosses a line when he tries to get back money that he lent Charlie.
Wednesday, December 10
Whipped Unto the Third Generation
Season 7 • Episode 2
Charlie's house is taken over by women when Chelsea convinces him to let Alan's girlfriend move in.
Wednesday, December 10
Mmm, Fish. Yum
Season 7 • Episode 3
Jake uses an incriminating picture to blackmail Charlie.
Wednesday, December 10
Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator
Season 7 • Episode 4
Alan takes a job working for Evelyn; Charlie must mend Chelsea and Jake's rocky relationship.
Wednesday, December 10
For the Sake of the Child
Season 7 • Episode 5
After they embarrass him in public, Jake refuses to stay with Charlie and Alan.
Wednesday, December 10
Give Me Your Thumb
Season 7 • Episode 6
Alan suggests that Chelsea get breast-reduction surgery, and Charlie kicks him out.
Wednesday, December 10
Untainted by Filth
Season 7 • Episode 7
Charlie and Alan wake up together in bed with a strange woman.
Wednesday, December 10
Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
Season 7 • Episode 8
Chelsea tries to help her beautiful college roommate get over a bad breakup.
Wednesday, December 10
Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair
Season 7 • Episode 9
Charlie discovers he has not been satisfying Chelsea; Alan attempts to cure his thinning hair.
Wednesday, December 10
Go Get Mommy's Bra
Season 2 • Episode 4
Charlie's mother borrows the Mercedes to impress a Saudi prince.
Wednesday, December 10
Bad News From the Clinic
Season 2 • Episode 5
Charlie meets his match when he falls for a woman who is better at playing hard to get than he is.
Wednesday, December 10
The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
Season 2 • Episode 6
Alan fears he has a dark side, until Charlie admits to a nasty trick.
Wednesday, December 10
A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
Season 2 • Episode 7
Charlie and Alan hire Berta's sister to cater a party.
Wednesday, December 10
Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
Season 2 • Episode 8
Alan meets a woman at the grocery store who fulfills his every fantasy.
Wednesday, December 10
Yes, Monsignor
Season 2 • Episode 9
Charlie bumps into an old flame he once thought would be Mrs. Right.
Wednesday, December 10
The Salmon Under My Sweater
Season 2 • Episode 10
Charlie is tasked with writing a theme song to one of Jake's favorite comics.
Wednesday, December 10
Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
Season 2 • Episode 11
Jake discovers an angry Web site devoted to Charlie's womanizing ways.
Thursday, December 11
Three Fingers of Creme de Menthe
Season 11 • Episode 14
Alan finds out that Lyndsey broke up with Larry; Walden tries to prove he is a man's man.
Thursday, December 11
Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead
Season 8 • Episode 12
Depressed after his breakup from Courtney, Charlie goes to see his psychiatrist.
Thursday, December 11
Damn You, Eggs Benedict
Season 6 • Episode 3
Charlie attempts to cook, Alan tries to date two women at the same time, and Jake samples beer.
Thursday, December 11
That's Why They Call It Ball Room
Season 7 • Episode 10
Charlie discovers that Chelsea has not been completely honest about her finances.
Thursday, December 11
Warning, It's Dirty
Season 7 • Episode 11
Charlie coaches Jake on the art of infidelity while his girlfriend is away for Christmas.
Thursday, December 11
Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
Season 7 • Episode 12
Jake writes love songs to woo his ex-girlfriend; Herb and Alan hide their secret friendship.
Thursday, December 11
Yay, No Polyps!
Season 7 • Episode 13
Charlie undergoes a colonoscopy to avoid a trip to see Chelsea's bigoted parents.
Thursday, December 11
Crude and Uncalled For
Season 7 • Episode 14
A bar fight lands Alan in jail; Charlie worries that Chelsea is interested someone else.
Thursday, December 11
Aye, Aye, Captain
Season 7 • Episode 15
When Charlie's jealousy threatens his relationship with Chelsea, he turns to Alan for help.
Thursday, December 11
Tinkle Like a Princess
Season 7 • Episode 16
Charlie returns from Las Vegas with the woman he married there, who is not Chelsea.
Thursday, December 11
I Found Your Mustache
Season 7 • Episode 17
Charlie and Chelsea get together for one night, despite having ended their relationship.
Thursday, December 11
Those Big Pink Things With Coconuts
Season 2 • Episode 14
Evelyn takes drastic measures to get back into her sons' lives after Alan cuts her off.
Thursday, December 11
Smell the Umbrella Stand
Season 2 • Episode 15
Charlie tries to distract Alan from an upcoming medical procedure by planning a trip to Las Vegas.
Thursday, December 11
Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth?
Season 2 • Episode 16
Alan and Charlie spend an eye-opening week caring for Jake.
Thursday, December 11
Woo-Hoo, A Hernia-Exam!
Season 2 • Episode 17
Charlie eschews Alan's medical advice in favor of a visit to his pretty female doctor.
Thursday, December 11
It Was Mame, Mom
Season 2 • Episode 18
Charlie and Alan pose as a gay couple in order to impress a gay ad executive.
Thursday, December 11
A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise
Season 2 • Episode 19
Alan asks one of Charlie's beautiful ex-girlfriends on a date.
Thursday, December 11
I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey
Season 2 • Episode 20
Charlie and Alan take their personal frustrations out on each other.
Thursday, December 11
A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On
Season 2 • Episode 21
Evelyn reads in the obituaries that her second husband, Harry, has died.
Friday, December 12
How to Get Rid of Alan Harper
Season 11 • Episode 16
Walden thinks his girlfriend is cheating on him; Alan starts dating Larry's sister.
Friday, December 12
Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup
Season 8 • Episode 13
Alan feels paranoid when Lyndsey becomes friendly with Charlie.
Friday, December 12
The Flavin' and the Mavin
Season 6 • Episode 4
Alan awaits disaster as Charlie romances Alan's sweet receptionist.
Friday, December 12
Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave
Season 7 • Episode 19
Jake's new friend, Eldridge, is a bad influence; Alan likes Eldrigdge's attractive mother.
Friday, December 12
I Called Him Magoo
Season 7 • Episode 20
Alan tries for an intimate night at a hotel with his new girlfriend.
Friday, December 12
Gumby With a Pokey
Season 7 • Episode 21
Alan and Jake go on a road trip; Charlie finds himself haunted by the ghosts of his ex-girlfriends.
Friday, December 12
This Is Not Gonna End Well
Season 7 • Episode 22
Charlie's license is suspended; Alan plans to go to Chelsea's birthday party.
Friday, December 12
Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
Season 8 • Episode 1
Jake goes to live with Judith and Herb after learning that Alan has been dating Eldridge's mom.
Friday, December 12
A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
Season 8 • Episode 2
When Lindsey asks Alan to move in with her, Charlie will do anything to get him to agree to it.
Friday, December 12
A Pudding-Filled Cactus
Season 8 • Episode 3
After moving in with Lyndsey, Alan continues to have a rendezvous with Melissa at Charlie's house.
Friday, December 12
Hookers, Hookers, Hookers
Season 8 • Episode 4
Lyndsey and Eldridge move into Charlie's house after their home burns down.
Saturday, December 13
Looking' for Japanese Subs
Season 8 • Episode 14
Charlie stalks Rose; Eldridge and Jake begin videotaping dangerous stunts.
Saturday, December 13
A Jock Strap in Hell
Season 6 • Episode 5
The guys run into Jake's former teacher who became a stripper after a fling with Charlie.
Saturday, December 13
Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
Season 2 • Episode 11
Jake discovers an angry Web site devoted to Charlie's womanizing ways.
Saturday, December 13
A Lungful of Alan
Season 2 • Episode 12
The brothers compete for the attentions of Alan's high-school friend.
Saturday, December 13
Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow (Get Off My Hair)
Season 2 • Episode 13
When Judith's pipes burst after an earthquake, Alan invites her to stay with him at Charlie's house.
Saturday, December 13
Smell the Umbrella Stand
Season 2 • Episode 15
Charlie tries to distract Alan from an upcoming medical procedure by planning a trip to Las Vegas.
Saturday, December 13
Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth?
Season 2 • Episode 16
Alan and Charlie spend an eye-opening week caring for Jake.
Saturday, December 13
Woo-Hoo, A Hernia-Exam!
Season 2 • Episode 17
Charlie eschews Alan's medical advice in favor of a visit to his pretty female doctor.
Saturday, December 13
A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise
Season 2 • Episode 19
Alan asks one of Charlie's beautiful ex-girlfriends on a date.
Saturday, December 13
I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey
Season 2 • Episode 20
Charlie and Alan take their personal frustrations out on each other.
Saturday, December 13
A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On
Season 2 • Episode 21
Evelyn reads in the obituaries that her second husband, Harry, has died.
Saturday, December 13
That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother
Season 2 • Episode 22
After taking a loan from Evelyn, Alan is guilted into double-dating with her.
Saturday, December 13
Does This Smell Funny to You?
Season 2 • Episode 24
Charlie unknowingly sleeps with an elderly man's (Orson Bean) hot trophy wife.
Sunday, December 14
Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
Season 3 • Episode 2
Alan must see the school principal over a picture Jake drew.
Sunday, December 14
Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
Season 3 • Episode 3
Charlie organizes an intervention to keep Alan from reuniting with Judith.
Sunday, December 14
Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
Season 3 • Episode 7
Rose's father (Martin Sheen) confronts Charlie about his intentions toward Rose.
Sunday, December 14
That Voodoo That I Do Do
Season 3 • Episode 8
Charlie cons Jake into taking ballet lessons in order to get close to the teacher.
Sunday, December 14
Madame and Her Special Friend
Season 3 • Episode 9
Alan is propositioned by one of Charlie's elderly neighbors; Charlie tries to stop Jake.
Sunday, December 14
Something Salted and Twisted
Season 3 • Episode 10
Alan organizes a family dinner to celebrate a newspaper article about him.
Sunday, December 14
Santa's Village of the Damned
Season 3 • Episode 11
Alan dates a controlling woman who takes over the house during the Christmas holidays.
Sunday, December 14
That Special Tug
Season 3 • Episode 12
Alan's emotional breakdown after dropping Jake off for a weekend away sends Charlie to a therapist.
Sunday, December 14
Humiliation Is a Visual Medium
Season 3 • Episode 13
Charlie must deal with the challenges of a committed relationship that is not based on sex.
Sunday, December 14
My Tongue Is Meat
Season 3 • Episode 15
Charlie sneaks cigars, beer and burgers behind Mia's back.
Sunday, December 14
The Unfortunate Little Schnauser
Season 3 • Episode 17
Charlie boycotts an advertising awards banquet, having lost several years in a row to his nemesis.
Sunday, December 14
The Spit-Covered Cobbler
Season 3 • Episode 18
Alan gets into financial trouble because he keeps paying the expenses of his young girlfriend.
Sunday, December 14
Golly Moses, She's a Muffin
Season 3 • Episode 19
Kandi moves in with Alan, causing tension in the house, since Charlie is having a dry spell.
Sunday, December 14
And the Plot Moistens
Season 3 • Episode 21
Alan finds that he has more in common with Jake's teacher than with Kandi.
Sunday, December 14
Just Once With Aunt Sophie
Season 3 • Episode 22
Charlie and Alan help Jake prepare for his first boy-girl party.
Sunday, December 14
Arguments for the Quickie
Season 3 • Episode 23
Charlie's former girlfriend (Emmanuelle Vaugier) returns with an unexpected request.
Sunday, December 14
That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
Season 3 • Episode 24
Charlie and Mia plan their wedding despite complications on both sides of the family.
Monday, December 15
Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs
Season 3 • Episode 4
Berta moves into Charlie's house for a few days and plays one brother against the other.
Monday, December 15
We Called It Mr. Pinky
Season 3 • Episode 5
Charlie responds inappropriately to a woman's declaration of love.
Monday, December 15
If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
Season 1 • Episode 4
Alan tries to take over the housework after his neurotic demands scare away Charlie's cleaning lady.
Monday, December 15
The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump
Season 1 • Episode 5
Charlie and Alan meet several women while attending one of Jake's soccer games.
Monday, December 15
Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
Season 1 • Episode 6
After Evelyn's new beau dumps her, Charlie and Alan enlist Jake to cheer her up.
Monday, December 15
If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
Season 1 • Episode 7
For a school assignment, Jake draws the tattooed buttocks of Charlie's female friend.
Monday, December 15
Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful
Season 1 • Episode 8
Charlie uses his ability to write jingles to produce Jake's school musical.
Monday, December 15
Phase One, Complete
Season 1 • Episode 9
Charlie suspects a woman is using Evelyn and Jake to get to him.
Monday, December 15
Merry Thanksgiving
Season 1 • Episode 10
In an attempt to prove that he is a family man, Charlie invites Lisa over for Thanksgiving dinner.
Monday, December 15
Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
Season 1 • Episode 11
Alan reluctantly agrees to a makeover after running into his ex-wife and her new beau.
Tuesday, December 16
Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak
Season 8 • Episode 15
Charlie and Rose continue their affair; Alan's business becomes a Ponzi scheme.
Tuesday, December 16
It's Always Nazi Week
Season 6 • Episode 6
When Judith kicks Herb to the curb, Alan comes knocking.
Tuesday, December 16
Camel Filters and Pheremones
Season 1 • Episode 12
The housekeeper's sexy teenage granddaughter attracts the guys' attention.
Tuesday, December 16
Sarah Like Puny Alan
Season 1 • Episode 13
Charlie drags his ailing brother to a men's steam room.
Tuesday, December 16
I Can't Afford Hyenas
Season 1 • Episode 14
Charlie's accountant (Richard Lewis) tries to explain his financial woes.
Tuesday, December 16
Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
Season 1 • Episode 15
Against Alan's judgment, Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Frankie (Jenna Elfman).
Tuesday, December 16
That Was Saliva, Alan
Season 1 • Episode 16
Frankie (Jenna Elfman) divulges her big secret, then falls for one of the brothers.
Tuesday, December 16
Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
Season 1 • Episode 17
Alan offends Charlie by choosing harebrained cousins as Jake's guardians in the event of his death.
Tuesday, December 16
An Old Flame With a New Wick
Season 1 • Episode 18
Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man (Chris O'Donnell).
Tuesday, December 16
I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
Season 1 • Episode 19
Judith's sister (Teri Hatcher) hits on Alan at Jake's birthday party.
Tuesday, December 16
Does This Smell Funny to You?
Season 2 • Episode 24
Charlie unknowingly sleeps with an elderly man's (Orson Bean) hot trophy wife.
Tuesday, December 16
Weekend in Bangkok With Two Olympic Gymnasts
Season 3 • Episode 1
After Alan falls off the roof, Charlie volunteers to watch Jake for the weekend.
Tuesday, December 16
Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
Season 3 • Episode 2
Alan must see the school principal over a picture Jake drew.
Tuesday, December 16
Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
Season 3 • Episode 3
Charlie organizes an intervention to keep Alan from reuniting with Judith.
Tuesday, December 16
Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs
Season 3 • Episode 4
Berta moves into Charlie's house for a few days and plays one brother against the other.
Tuesday, December 16
We Called It Mr. Pinky
Season 3 • Episode 5
Charlie responds inappropriately to a woman's declaration of love.
Tuesday, December 16
Hi, Mr. Horned One
Season 3 • Episode 6
Charlie likes dating Isabella, until she threatens to put a curse on his manhood.
Tuesday, December 16
Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
Season 3 • Episode 7
Rose's father (Martin Sheen) confronts Charlie about his intentions toward Rose.
Wednesday, December 17
That Voodoo That I Do Do
Season 3 • Episode 8
Charlie cons Jake into taking ballet lessons in order to get close to the teacher.
Wednesday, December 17
That Darn Priest
Season 8 • Episode 16
Rose discovers Alan's Ponzi scheme; Charlie tries to get time alone with Rose.
Wednesday, December 17
Best H.O. Money Can Buy
Season 6 • Episode 7
Alan tries to escape Judith's clutches as Charlie and Herb go on the prowl.
Wednesday, December 17
Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
Season 1 • Episode 20
After trying a father/son talk, Alan and Judith decide to take a moody Jake to a therapist.
Wednesday, December 17
No Sniffing, No Wowing
Season 1 • Episode 21
Charlie jeopardizes Alan's settlement by sleeping with his attorney.
Wednesday, December 17
My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
Season 1 • Episode 22
Charlie attempts to cure Alan of his recent bout of sleepwalking.
Wednesday, December 17
Just Like Buffalo
Season 1 • Episode 23
Charlie tries to get Judith to let Jake continue to spend weekends at his place.
Wednesday, December 17
Can You Feel My Finger?
Season 1 • Episode 24
A pregnancy scare has Charlie heading to the doctor for a vasectomy.
Wednesday, December 17
Back Off Mary Poppins
Season 2 • Episode 1
Alan begs Charlie to let him join his exclusive men's group.
Wednesday, December 17
A Bag Full of Jawea
Season 2 • Episode 3
Charlie tries to save Jake from school suspension by romancing his teacher.
Wednesday, December 17
Go Get Mommy's Bra
Season 2 • Episode 4
Charlie's mother borrows the Mercedes to impress a Saudi prince.
Wednesday, December 17
Humiliation Is a Visual Medium
Season 3 • Episode 13
Charlie must deal with the challenges of a committed relationship that is not based on sex.
Wednesday, December 17
Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
Season 3 • Episode 14
Charlie plans a romantic date with Mia in hopes of consummating their relationship.
Wednesday, December 17
My Tongue Is Meat
Season 3 • Episode 15
Charlie sneaks cigars, beer and burgers behind Mia's back.
Wednesday, December 17
Ergo, the Booty Call
Season 3 • Episode 16
Alan tries to avoid bringing his sexy 22-year-old girlfriend to Jake's birthday party.
Wednesday, December 17
The Unfortunate Little Schnauser
Season 3 • Episode 17
Charlie boycotts an advertising awards banquet, having lost several years in a row to his nemesis.
Wednesday, December 17
The Spit-Covered Cobbler
Season 3 • Episode 18
Alan gets into financial trouble because he keeps paying the expenses of his young girlfriend.
Wednesday, December 17
Golly Moses, She's a Muffin
Season 3 • Episode 19
Kandi moves in with Alan, causing tension in the house, since Charlie is having a dry spell.
Wednesday, December 17
Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
Season 3 • Episode 20
Alan tries to win Kandi back, and Charlie sleeps with her mom.
Thursday, December 18
West Side Story
Season 11 • Episode 18
Walden's ex invites him to her boutique opening; Gretchen hopes to spend more time at Alan's home.
Thursday, December 18
Pilot
Season 1 • Episode 1
Charlie discovers that a man raising a 10-year-old boy attracts the attention of women.
Thursday, December 18
Pinocchio's Mouth
Season 6 • Episode 8
Charlie has trouble adjusting when his new girlfriend asks him to spend the night at her place.
Thursday, December 18
Bad News From the Clinic
Season 2 • Episode 5
Charlie meets his match when he falls for a woman who is better at playing hard to get than he is.
Thursday, December 18
The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
Season 2 • Episode 6
Alan fears he has a dark side, until Charlie admits to a nasty trick.
Thursday, December 18
A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
Season 2 • Episode 7
Charlie and Alan hire Berta's sister to cater a party.
Thursday, December 18
Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
Season 2 • Episode 8
Alan meets a woman at the grocery store who fulfills his every fantasy.
Thursday, December 18
Yes, Monsignor
Season 2 • Episode 9
Charlie bumps into an old flame he once thought would be Mrs. Right.
Thursday, December 18
The Salmon Under My Sweater
Season 2 • Episode 10
Charlie is tasked with writing a theme song to one of Jake's favorite comics.
Thursday, December 18
Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
Season 2 • Episode 11
Jake discovers an angry Web site devoted to Charlie's womanizing ways.
Thursday, December 18
A Lungful of Alan
Season 2 • Episode 12
The brothers compete for the attentions of Alan's high-school friend.
Thursday, December 18
Arguments for the Quickie
Season 3 • Episode 23
Charlie's former girlfriend (Emmanuelle Vaugier) returns with an unexpected request.
Thursday, December 18
That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
Season 3 • Episode 24
Charlie and Mia plan their wedding despite complications on both sides of the family.
Thursday, December 18
Working for Caligula
Season 4 • Episode 1
Charlie returns to his bachelor lifestyle; Alan breaks down following his second divorce.
Thursday, December 18
Who's Vod Kanockers?
Season 4 • Episode 2
Charlie tells Alan the truth about his breakup with Mia; a famous neighbor causes trouble.
Thursday, December 18
The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress
Season 4 • Episode 3
Charlie is convinced he saw his late father while having a near-death experience.
Thursday, December 18
A Pot-Smoking Monkey
Season 4 • Episode 4
After their split, Alan wants to gain custody of his and Kandi's dog.
Thursday, December 18
A Live Woman of Proven Fertility
Season 4 • Episode 5
Herb and Jake's relationship threatens wedding plans with Judith, so Alan and Charlie take action.
Thursday, December 18
Apologies for the Frivolity
Season 4 • Episode 6
Charlie does not realize that his latest girlfriend is a younger version of his mother.
Friday, December 19
Lotta Delis in Little Armenia
Season 11 • Episode 20
Alan finds an opportunity to make money; Walden addresses his co-dependency issues.
Friday, December 19
Big Flappy Bastards
Season 1 • Episode 2
Charlie does not know how to discipline Jake for luring a flock of sea gulls into his room.
Friday, December 19
The Mooch at the Boo
Season 6 • Episode 9
Charlie is left to cover when Jake disappears with the neighbor's daughter.
Friday, December 19
Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow (Get Off My Hair)
Season 2 • Episode 13
When Judith's pipes burst after an earthquake, Alan invites her to stay with him at Charlie's house.
Friday, December 19
Smell the Umbrella Stand
Season 2 • Episode 15
Charlie tries to distract Alan from an upcoming medical procedure by planning a trip to Las Vegas.
Friday, December 19
Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth?
Season 2 • Episode 16
Alan and Charlie spend an eye-opening week caring for Jake.
Friday, December 19
Woo-Hoo, A Hernia-Exam!
Season 2 • Episode 17
Charlie eschews Alan's medical advice in favor of a visit to his pretty female doctor.
Friday, December 19
It Was Mame, Mom
Season 2 • Episode 18
Charlie and Alan pose as a gay couple in order to impress a gay ad executive.
Friday, December 19
Santa's Village of the Damned
Season 3 • Episode 11
Alan dates a controlling woman who takes over the house during the Christmas holidays.
Friday, December 19
Walnuts and Demerol
Season 4 • Episode 11
Charlie finds himself throwing an unwanted, unplanned holiday party.
Friday, December 19
Warning, It's Dirty
Season 7 • Episode 11
Charlie coaches Jake on the art of infidelity while his girlfriend is away for Christmas.
Saturday, December 20
Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
Season 1 • Episode 3
One drink too many emboldens the brothers to stand up to their controlling mother.
Saturday, December 20
He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
Season 6 • Episode 10
When Evelyn offers to pay for Jake's college education, Alan wonders if he ever needs to work again.
Saturday, December 20
Who's Vod Kanockers?
Season 4 • Episode 2
Charlie tells Alan the truth about his breakup with Mia; a famous neighbor causes trouble.
Saturday, December 20
A Pot-Smoking Monkey
Season 4 • Episode 4
After their split, Alan wants to gain custody of his and Kandi's dog.
Saturday, December 20
A Live Woman of Proven Fertility
Season 4 • Episode 5
Herb and Jake's relationship threatens wedding plans with Judith, so Alan and Charlie take action.
Saturday, December 20
Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head
Season 4 • Episode 7
Charlie helps Berta confront the man who impregnated her daughter; Alan satisfies a secret fetish.
Saturday, December 20
Release the Dogs
Season 4 • Episode 8
Jake pleads with Charlie not to date the mother of a girl he likes.
Saturday, December 20
Kissing Abraham Lincoln
Season 4 • Episode 10
Charlie must choose between his girlfriend and his housekeeper.
Saturday, December 20
Walnuts and Demerol
Season 4 • Episode 11
Charlie finds himself throwing an unwanted, unplanned holiday party.
Saturday, December 20
Castrating Sheep in Montana
Season 4 • Episode 12
Berta learns that Alan has been dating her daughter.
Saturday, December 20
Don't Worry, Speed Racer
Season 4 • Episode 13
Jake tells Charlie and Alan that he often overhears Judith and Herb making out.
Saturday, December 20
My Damn Stalker
Season 4 • Episode 15
Charlie must face his feelings when Rose announces she is moving to London.
Saturday, December 20
Young People Have Phlegm Too
Season 4 • Episode 16
A more mature woman helps rebuild Charlie's ego after he becomes insecure about his age.
Sunday, December 21
Santa's Village of the Damned
Season 3 • Episode 11
Alan dates a controlling woman who takes over the house during the Christmas holidays.
Sunday, December 21
Walnuts and Demerol
Season 4 • Episode 11
Charlie finds himself throwing an unwanted, unplanned holiday party.
Sunday, December 21
I Merely Slept With a Commie
Season 4 • Episode 17
Evelyn makes Charlie and Alan regret saying that she will not have any mourners at her funeral.
Sunday, December 21
Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
Season 4 • Episode 21
Alan's friendship with a gay single dad prompts him to re-examine his sexual identity.
Sunday, December 21
Mr. McGlue's Feedbag
Season 4 • Episode 22
Jake has a windfall at the track with Charlie; Alan visits the Department of Motor Vehicles.
Sunday, December 21
Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin'
Season 4 • Episode 23
Charlie loses a woman to the young, handsome handyman (Enrique Iglesias) working at his house.
Sunday, December 21
Prostitutes and Gelato
Season 4 • Episode 24
Evelyn's new boyfriend invites Charlie and Alan to Las Vegas.
Sunday, December 21
Media Room Slash Dungeon
Season 5 • Episode 2
Charlie reacts oddly after an evening with his mother.
Sunday, December 21
Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
Season 5 • Episode 3
Charlie lets Alan set him up with a woman his own age.
Sunday, December 21
City of Great Racks
Season 5 • Episode 4
Although Charlie is getting closer to Linda, he begins to see Rose's face wherever he looks.
Sunday, December 21
Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
Season 5 • Episode 5
Charlie has to entertain his girlfriend's 4-year-old son; Alan becomes a human guinea pig.
Sunday, December 21
Help Daddy Find His Toenail
Season 5 • Episode 6
Charlie's girlfriend is embarrassed to be seen with him; Jake sneaks out to go to a concert.
Sunday, December 21
Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room
Season 5 • Episode 7
Charlie and Alan butt heads over Alan's place in the house.
Sunday, December 21
Tight's Good
Season 5 • Episode 9
Charlie tries to resist an attraction to his soon-to-be stepsister.
Sunday, December 21
Kinda Like Necrophilia
Season 5 • Episode 10
Alan seeks revenge when he discovers that Charlie stole his high-school girlfriend.
Sunday, December 21
A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
Season 5 • Episode 12
Rose comes back from England and takes care of sick Charlie in a very strange way.
Sunday, December 21
Warning, It's Dirty
Season 7 • Episode 11
Charlie coaches Jake on the art of infidelity while his girlfriend is away for Christmas.
Monday, December 22
Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
Season 3 • Episode 7
Rose's father (Martin Sheen) confronts Charlie about his intentions toward Rose.
Monday, December 22
That Voodoo That I Do Do
Season 3 • Episode 8
Charlie cons Jake into taking ballet lessons in order to get close to the teacher.
Tuesday, December 23
If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
Season 1 • Episode 4
Alan tries to take over the housework after his neurotic demands scare away Charlie's cleaning lady.
Tuesday, December 23
The Devil's Lube
Season 6 • Episode 11
When one of Charlie's old partners in crime dies, Charlie re-evaluates his own reckless lifestyle.
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