Two and a Half Men

Two and a Half Men - CBS

CBS

Series

2003

TV14

Sitcom

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Where to Stream

2003–2015 Series 12 Seasons273 Episodes

Upcoming TV Airings

The airings below are based on a generic national schedule. Times and dates can vary by TV provider.

Tuesday, March 19

Kinda Like Necrophilia

Season 5 • Episode 10

Alan seeks revenge when he discovers that Charlie stole his high-school girlfriend.

Tuesday, March 19

Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop

Season 3 • Episode 7

Rose's father (Martin Sheen) confronts Charlie about his intentions toward Rose.

Tuesday, March 19

Avoid the Chinese Mustard

Season 10 • Episode 7

Walden hires an actress to be his girlfriend; Jake plans a rendezvous with Missi at the beach house.

Tuesday, March 19

Something My Gynecologist Said

Season 10 • Episode 8

Alan feels reluctant to make a commitment to Lyndsey, but an unexpected source inspires him.

Tuesday, March 19

This Is Not Gonna End Well

Season 7 • Episode 22

Charlie's license is suspended; Alan plans to go to Chelsea's birthday party.

Tuesday, March 19

Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud

Season 8 • Episode 1

Jake goes to live with Judith and Herb after learning that Alan has been dating Eldridge's mom.

Tuesday, March 19

A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer

Season 8 • Episode 2

When Lindsey asks Alan to move in with her, Charlie will do anything to get him to agree to it.

Tuesday, March 19

A Pudding-Filled Cactus

Season 8 • Episode 3

After moving in with Lyndsey, Alan continues to have a rendezvous with Melissa at Charlie's house.

Tuesday, March 19

Hookers, Hookers, Hookers

Season 8 • Episode 4

Lyndsey and Eldridge move into Charlie's house after their home burns down.

Tuesday, March 19

The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel

Season 8 • Episode 5

Alan pretends to be Charlie when he goes out on the town; Charlie sneaks off for cosmetic surgery.

Tuesday, March 19

The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance

Season 2 • Episode 6

Alan fears he has a dark side, until Charlie admits to a nasty trick.

Tuesday, March 19

A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana

Season 2 • Episode 7

Charlie and Alan hire Berta's sister to cater a party.

Tuesday, March 19

Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers

Season 2 • Episode 8

Alan meets a woman at the grocery store who fulfills his every fantasy.

Tuesday, March 19

Yes, Monsignor

Season 2 • Episode 9

Charlie bumps into an old flame he once thought would be Mrs. Right.

Tuesday, March 19

The Salmon Under My Sweater

Season 2 • Episode 10

Charlie is tasked with writing a theme song to one of Jake's favorite comics.

Tuesday, March 19

Last Chance to See Those Tattoos

Season 2 • Episode 11

Jake discovers an angry Web site devoted to Charlie's womanizing ways.

Tuesday, March 19

A Lungful of Alan

Season 2 • Episode 12

The brothers compete for the attentions of Alan's high-school friend.

Tuesday, March 19

Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow (Get Off My Hair)

Season 2 • Episode 13

When Judith's pipes burst after an earthquake, Alan invites her to stay with him at Charlie's house.

Wednesday, March 20

Palmdale, Ech

Season 9 • Episode 19

Alan and Lyndsey introduce their mothers; Jake and Eldridge get a ride from Walden to a party.

Wednesday, March 20

Meander to Your Dander

Season 5 • Episode 11

Charlie offers Alan pointers on how to break up with a woman.

Wednesday, March 20

That Voodoo That I Do Do

Season 3 • Episode 8

Charlie cons Jake into taking ballet lessons in order to get close to the teacher.

Wednesday, March 20

I Scream When I Pee

Season 10 • Episode 9

Alan's famous ex-wife, Kandi, wants to reconcile; Walden tries to make Berta's birthday special.

Wednesday, March 20

One Nut Johnson

Season 10 • Episode 10

Alan helps Walden create a new identity so he can avoid women who are only interested in his money.

Wednesday, March 20

Twanging Your Magic Clanger

Season 8 • Episode 6

Charlie has difficulty dealing with dating a slightly older woman.

Wednesday, March 20

The Crazy Bitch Gazette

Season 8 • Episode 7

Charlie's girlfriend gets fed up with his stalker, Rose.

Wednesday, March 20

Springtime on a Stick

Season 8 • Episode 8

Charlie and Alan try to set Evelyn up with the pharmacist, Russell.

Wednesday, March 20

A Good Time in Central Africa

Season 8 • Episode 9

Charlie falls for the woman who replaces Berta on her days off.

Wednesday, March 20

Ow, Ow, Don't Stop

Season 8 • Episode 10

Charlie goes on a spending spree for old fling Courtney when she is released from prison.

Wednesday, March 20

Dead From the Waist Down

Season 8 • Episode 11

Ashamed that he can't afford to buy a birthday present for Lyndsey, Alan gets creative.

Wednesday, March 20

Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth?

Season 2 • Episode 16

Alan and Charlie spend an eye-opening week caring for Jake.

Wednesday, March 20

Woo-Hoo, A Hernia-Exam!

Season 2 • Episode 17

Charlie eschews Alan's medical advice in favor of a visit to his pretty female doctor.

Wednesday, March 20

It Was Mame, Mom

Season 2 • Episode 18

Charlie and Alan pose as a gay couple in order to impress a gay ad executive.

Wednesday, March 20

A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise

Season 2 • Episode 19

Alan asks one of Charlie's beautiful ex-girlfriends on a date.

Wednesday, March 20

I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey

Season 2 • Episode 20

Charlie and Alan take their personal frustrations out on each other.

Wednesday, March 20

A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On

Season 2 • Episode 21

Evelyn reads in the obituaries that her second husband, Harry, has died.

Wednesday, March 20

That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother

Season 2 • Episode 22

After taking a loan from Evelyn, Alan is guilted into double-dating with her.

Wednesday, March 20

Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab

Season 2 • Episode 23

Alan is reluctant to leave Jake with Evelyn.

Thursday, March 21

Mr. Hose Says Yes

Season 9 • Episode 21

Zoey and her daughter move in with Walden; Alan gets more than he bargained for with Lyndsey.

Thursday, March 21

A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh

Season 5 • Episode 12

Rose comes back from England and takes care of sick Charlie in a very strange way.

Thursday, March 21

Madame and Her Special Friend

Season 3 • Episode 9

A wealthy, elderly woman (Cloris Leachman) sets her sights on Alan.

Thursday, March 21

Welcome to Alancrest

Season 10 • Episode 12

Alan invests Walden's money in Kate's fashion line; leading a double life takes its toll on Walden.

Thursday, March 21

Grab a Feather and Get in Line

Season 10 • Episode 13

Alan and Walden go to Kate's fashion show in New York so Walden can reveal his true identity.

Thursday, March 21

Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead

Season 8 • Episode 12

Depressed after his breakup from Courtney, Charlie goes to see his psychiatrist.

Thursday, March 21

Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup

Season 8 • Episode 13

Alan feels paranoid when Lyndsey becomes friendly with Charlie.

Thursday, March 21

Looking' for Japanese Subs

Season 8 • Episode 14

Charlie stalks Rose; Eldridge and Jake begin videotaping dangerous stunts.

Thursday, March 21

Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak

Season 8 • Episode 15

Charlie and Rose continue their affair; Alan's business becomes a Ponzi scheme.

Thursday, March 21

That Darn Priest

Season 8 • Episode 16

Rose discovers Alan's Ponzi scheme; Charlie tries to get time alone with Rose.

Thursday, March 21

Pilot

Season 1 • Episode 1

Charlie discovers that a man raising a 10-year-old boy attracts the attention of women.

Thursday, March 21

Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover

Season 3 • Episode 2

Alan must see the school principal over a picture Jake drew.

Thursday, March 21

Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark

Season 3 • Episode 3

Charlie organizes an intervention to keep Alan from reuniting with Judith.

Thursday, March 21

Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs

Season 3 • Episode 4

Berta moves into Charlie's house for a few days and plays one brother against the other.

Thursday, March 21

We Called It Mr. Pinky

Season 3 • Episode 5

Charlie responds inappropriately to a woman's declaration of love.

Thursday, March 21

Hi, Mr. Horned One

Season 3 • Episode 6

Charlie likes dating Isabella, until she threatens to put a curse on his manhood.

Thursday, March 21

Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop

Season 3 • Episode 7

Rose's father (Martin Sheen) confronts Charlie about his intentions toward Rose.

Thursday, March 21

That Voodoo That I Do Do

Season 3 • Episode 8

Charlie cons Jake into taking ballet lessons in order to get close to the teacher.

Thursday, March 21

Madame and Her Special Friend

Season 3 • Episode 9

A wealthy, elderly woman (Cloris Leachman) sets her sights on Alan.

Friday, March 22

The Straw in My Donut Hole

Season 9 • Episode 23

Zoey isn't convinced Alan deserves all the love he receives upon his return from the hospital.

Friday, March 22

The Soil Is Moist

Season 5 • Episode 13

Alan's date, who happens to be a friend of his ex, reveals a secret about Judith's sex life.

Friday, March 22

Something Salted and Twisted

Season 3 • Episode 10

Alan organizes a family dinner to celebrate a newspaper article about him.

Friday, March 22

Run Steven Staven! Run!

Season 10 • Episode 14

Alan is faced with relationship trouble when he does not give Lyndsey a key to the beach house.

Friday, March 22

Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It

Season 10 • Episode 15

When Jake brings his 36-year-old girlfriend home for a visit, Alan is concerned.

Friday, March 22

Big Flappy Bastards

Season 1 • Episode 2

Charlie does not know how to discipline Jake for luring a flock of sea gulls into his room.

Friday, March 22

Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

Season 1 • Episode 3

One drink too many emboldens the brothers to stand up to their controlling mother.

Friday, March 22

If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

Season 1 • Episode 4

Alan tries to take over the housework after his neurotic demands scare away Charlie's cleaning lady.

Friday, March 22

The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump

Season 1 • Episode 5

Charlie and Alan meet several women while attending one of Jake's soccer games.

Friday, March 22

Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

Season 1 • Episode 6

After Evelyn's new beau dumps her, Charlie and Alan enlist Jake to cheer her up.

Friday, March 22

If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

Season 1 • Episode 7

For a school assignment, Jake draws the tattooed buttocks of Charlie's female friend.

Saturday, March 23

Winky-Dink Time

Season 5 • Episode 14

Charlie goes with Jake on a double date and sets up Alan with a prostitute.

Saturday, March 23

Santa's Village of the Damned

Season 3 • Episode 11

Alan dates a controlling woman who takes over the house during the Christmas holidays.

Saturday, March 23

That Special Tug

Season 3 • Episode 12

Alan's emotional breakdown after dropping Jake off for a weekend away sends Charlie to a therapist.

Saturday, March 23

Humiliation Is a Visual Medium

Season 3 • Episode 13

Charlie must deal with the challenges of a committed relationship that is not based on sex.

Saturday, March 23

Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded

Season 3 • Episode 14

Charlie plans a romantic date with Mia in hopes of consummating their relationship.

Saturday, March 23

My Tongue Is Meat

Season 3 • Episode 15

Charlie sneaks cigars, beer and burgers behind Mia's back.

Saturday, March 23

Ergo, the Booty Call

Season 3 • Episode 16

Alan tries to avoid bringing his sexy 22-year-old girlfriend to Jake's birthday party.

Saturday, March 23

The Unfortunate Little Schnauser

Season 3 • Episode 17

Charlie boycotts an advertising awards banquet, having lost several years in a row to his nemesis.

Saturday, March 23

The Spit-Covered Cobbler

Season 3 • Episode 18

Paying his young girlfriend's bills financially straps Alan.

Saturday, March 23

Golly Moses, She's a Muffin

Season 3 • Episode 19

Kandi moves in with Alan, causing tension in the house.

Saturday, March 23

Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro

Season 3 • Episode 20

Alan tries to win Kandi back, and Charlie sleeps with her mom.

Saturday, March 23

And the Plot Moistens

Season 3 • Episode 21

Alan finds that he has more in common with Jake's teacher than with Kandi.

Saturday, March 23

Just Once With Aunt Sophie

Season 3 • Episode 22

Charlie and Alan help Jake prepare for his first boy-girl party.

Sunday, March 24

Phase One, Complete

Season 1 • Episode 9

Charlie suspects a woman is using Evelyn and Jake to get to him.

Sunday, March 24

Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

Season 1 • Episode 11

Alan reluctantly agrees to a makeover after running into his ex-wife and her new beau.

Sunday, March 24

Camel Filters and Pheremones

Season 1 • Episode 12

The housekeeper's sexy teenage granddaughter attracts the guys' attention.

Sunday, March 24

Sarah Like Puny Alan

Season 1 • Episode 13

Charlie drags his ailing brother to a men's steam room.

Sunday, March 24

I Can't Afford Hyenas

Season 1 • Episode 14

Charlie's accountant (Richard Lewis) tries to explain his financial woes.

Sunday, March 24

Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats

Season 1 • Episode 17

Alan offends Charlie by choosing harebrained cousins as Jake's guardians in the event of his death.

Monday, March 25

Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

Season 1 • Episode 3

One drink too many emboldens the brothers to stand up to their controlling mother.

Monday, March 25

If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

Season 1 • Episode 4

Alan tries to take over the housework after his neurotic demands scare away Charlie's cleaning lady.

Monday, March 25

Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries

Season 10 • Episode 17

When Walden runs into his ex and they start talking about getting back together.

Monday, March 25

The 9:04 From Pemberton

Season 10 • Episode 18

After a fight with Walden, Alan decides to move in with Herb.

Monday, March 25

Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful

Season 1 • Episode 8

Charlie uses his ability to write jingles to produce Jake's school musical.

Monday, March 25

Phase One, Complete

Season 1 • Episode 9

Charlie suspects a woman is using Evelyn and Jake to get to him.

Monday, March 25

Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

Season 1 • Episode 11

Alan reluctantly agrees to a makeover after running into his ex-wife and her new beau.

Monday, March 25

Camel Filters and Pheremones

Season 1 • Episode 12

The housekeeper's sexy teenage granddaughter attracts the guys' attention.

Monday, March 25

Sarah Like Puny Alan

Season 1 • Episode 13

Charlie drags his ailing brother to a men's steam room.

Monday, March 25

I Can't Afford Hyenas

Season 1 • Episode 14

Charlie's accountant (Richard Lewis) tries to explain his financial woes.

Tuesday, March 26

Rough Night in Hump Junction

Season 5 • Episode 15

Alan fears that Charlie's womanizing is getting out of control.

Tuesday, March 26

That Special Tug

Season 3 • Episode 12

Alan's emotional breakdown after dropping Jake off for a weekend away sends Charlie to a therapist.

Tuesday, March 26

Big Episode: Someone Stole a Spoon

Season 10 • Episode 19

Alan and Walden end up partying too hard as they try to cheer up Herb.

Tuesday, March 26

Bazinga! That's From a TV Show

Season 10 • Episode 20

Walden and Alan are caught in the crossfire when Jake cheats on his girlfriend with her daughter.

Tuesday, March 26

Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

Season 1 • Episode 15

Against Alan's judgment, Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Frankie (Jenna Elfman).

Tuesday, March 26

That Was Saliva, Alan

Season 1 • Episode 16

Frankie (Jenna Elfman) divulges her big secret, then falls for one of the brothers.

Tuesday, March 26

Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats

Season 1 • Episode 17

Alan offends Charlie by choosing harebrained cousins as Jake's guardians in the event of his death.

Tuesday, March 26

An Old Flame With a New Wick

Season 1 • Episode 18

Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man (Chris O'Donnell).

Tuesday, March 26

I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

Season 1 • Episode 19

Judith's sister (Teri Hatcher) hits on Alan at Jake's birthday party.

Tuesday, March 26

Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

Season 1 • Episode 20

After trying a father/son talk, Alan and Judith decide to take a moody Jake to a therapist.

Tuesday, March 26

That Special Tug

Season 3 • Episode 12

Alan's emotional breakdown after dropping Jake off for a weekend away sends Charlie to a therapist.

Tuesday, March 26

Humiliation Is a Visual Medium

Season 3 • Episode 13

Charlie must deal with the challenges of a committed relationship that is not based on sex.

Tuesday, March 26

My Tongue Is Meat

Season 3 • Episode 15

Charlie sneaks cigars, beer and burgers behind Mia's back.

Tuesday, March 26

Ergo, the Booty Call

Season 3 • Episode 16

Alan tries to avoid bringing his sexy 22-year-old girlfriend to Jake's birthday party.

Tuesday, March 26

The Unfortunate Little Schnauser

Season 3 • Episode 17

Charlie boycotts an advertising awards banquet, having lost several years in a row to his nemesis.

Tuesday, March 26

The Spit-Covered Cobbler

Season 3 • Episode 18

Paying his young girlfriend's bills financially straps Alan.

Tuesday, March 26

Golly Moses, She's a Muffin

Season 3 • Episode 19

Kandi moves in with Alan, causing tension in the house.

Tuesday, March 26

Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro

Season 3 • Episode 20

Alan tries to win Kandi back, and Charlie sleeps with her mom.

Wednesday, March 27

I Changed My Mind About the Milk

Season 10 • Episode 1

Walden plans a surprise for Zoey's birthday.

Wednesday, March 27

Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty

Season 5 • Episode 16

Alan plans Evelyn's wedding; Charlie pursues his future stepsister.

Wednesday, March 27

Humiliation Is a Visual Medium

Season 3 • Episode 13

Charlie must deal with the challenges of a committed relationship that is not based on sex.

Wednesday, March 27

Another Night With Neil Diamond

Season 10 • Episode 21

Alan has a difficult time coping when Lyndsey breaks up with him.

Wednesday, March 27

My Bodacious Vidalia

Season 10 • Episode 22

With encouragement from Walden, Alan decides to update his look; Alan is faced with a moral dilemma.

Wednesday, March 27

No Sniffing, No Wowing

Season 1 • Episode 21

Charlie jeopardizes Alan's settlement by sleeping with his attorney.

Wednesday, March 27

My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet

Season 1 • Episode 22

Charlie attempts to cure Alan of his recent bout of sleepwalking.

Wednesday, March 27

Just Like Buffalo

Season 1 • Episode 23

Charlie tries to get Judith to let Jake continue to spend weekends at his place.

Wednesday, March 27

Can You Feel My Finger?

Season 1 • Episode 24

A pregnancy scare has Charlie heading to the doctor for a vasectomy.

Wednesday, March 27

Back Off Mary Poppins

Season 2 • Episode 1

Alan begs Charlie to let him join his exclusive men's group.

Wednesday, March 27

Enjoy Those Garlic Balls

Season 2 • Episode 2

Alan is upset that Judith is dating Jake's pediatrician.

Wednesday, March 27

Just Once With Aunt Sophie

Season 3 • Episode 22

Charlie and Alan help Jake prepare for his first boy-girl party.

Wednesday, March 27

Arguments for the Quickie

Season 3 • Episode 23

Charlie's former girlfriend (Emmanuelle Vaugier) returns with an unexpected request.

Wednesday, March 27

That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite

Season 3 • Episode 24

Charlie and Mia plan their wedding despite complications on both sides of the family.

Wednesday, March 27

Large Birds, Spiders and Mom

Season 5 • Episode 1

Charlie and Alan try to prepare Jake for his first day of junior high.

Wednesday, March 27

Media Room Slash Dungeon

Season 5 • Episode 2

Charlie reacts oddly after an evening with his mother.

Wednesday, March 27

Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo

Season 5 • Episode 3

Charlie lets Alan set him up with a woman his own age.

Wednesday, March 27

City of Great Racks

Season 5 • Episode 4

Although Charlie is getting closer to Linda, he begins to see Rose's face wherever he looks.

Wednesday, March 27

The Soil Is Moist

Season 5 • Episode 13

Alan's date, who happens to be a friend of his ex, reveals a secret about Judith's sex life.

Thursday, March 28

Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt

Season 10 • Episode 3

Lyndsey and Alan try to add a little excitement to their love life.

Thursday, March 28

Fish in a Drawer

Season 5 • Episode 17

A CSI team investigates a mysterious death at Charlie's house.

Thursday, March 28

Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded

Season 3 • Episode 14

Charlie plans a romantic date with Mia in hopes of consummating their relationship.

Thursday, March 28

Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped

Season 10 • Episode 23

Walden dates an attractive 22-year-old, but ends up being more interested in her grandmother.

Thursday, March 28

Nangnangnangnang

Season 11 • Episode 1

Charlie's 25-year-old daughter arrives at the beach house, hoping to get to know her family.

Thursday, March 28

A Bag Full of Jawea

Season 2 • Episode 3

Charlie tries to save Jake from school suspension by romancing his teacher.

Thursday, March 28

Go Get Mommy's Bra

Season 2 • Episode 4

Charlie's mother borrows the Mercedes to impress a Saudi prince.

Thursday, March 28

Bad News From the Clinic

Season 2 • Episode 5

Charlie meets his match when he falls for a woman who is better at playing hard to get than he is.

Thursday, March 28

The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance

Season 2 • Episode 6

Alan fears he has a dark side, until Charlie admits to a nasty trick.

Thursday, March 28

A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana

Season 2 • Episode 7

Charlie and Alan hire Berta's sister to cater a party.

Thursday, March 28

Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers

Season 2 • Episode 8

Alan meets a woman at the grocery store who fulfills his every fantasy.

Thursday, March 28

Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room

Season 5 • Episode 7

Charlie and Alan butt heads over Alan's place in the house.

Thursday, March 28

Is There a Mrs. Waffles?

Season 5 • Episode 8

Charlie finds success as a children's singing star, which makes Alan miserable.

Thursday, March 28

Tight's Good

Season 5 • Episode 9

Charlie tries to resist an attraction to his soon-to-be stepsister (Jenny McCarthy).

Thursday, March 28

Kinda Like Necrophilia

Season 5 • Episode 10

Alan seeks revenge when he discovers that Charlie stole his high-school girlfriend.

Thursday, March 28

Meander to Your Dander

Season 5 • Episode 11

Charlie offers Alan pointers on how to break up with a woman.

Thursday, March 28

A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh

Season 5 • Episode 12

Rose comes back from England and takes care of sick Charlie in a very strange way.

Thursday, March 28

Winky-Dink Time

Season 5 • Episode 14

Charlie goes with Jake on a double date and sets up Alan with a prostitute.

Thursday, March 28

Rough Night in Hump Junction

Season 5 • Episode 15

Alan fears that Charlie's womanizing is getting out of control.

Friday, March 29

That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam

Season 10 • Episode 5

Walden ignores Alan's warnings and starts dating Rose (Melanie Lynskey).

Friday, March 29

If My Hole Could Talk

Season 5 • Episode 18

Charlie discovers he is attracted to an older woman who writes self-help books; Jake and Alan fight.

Friday, March 29

My Tongue Is Meat

Season 3 • Episode 15

Charlie sneaks cigars, beer and burgers behind Mia's back.

Friday, March 29

I Think I Banged Lucille Ball

Season 11 • Episode 2

Jenny moves in with Evelyn and her wealthy boyfriend, Marty (Carl Reiner).

Friday, March 29

This Unblessed Biscuit

Season 11 • Episode 3

When Berta hurts her back at work, Alan and Walden think she should retire.

Friday, March 29

Yes, Monsignor

Season 2 • Episode 9

Charlie bumps into an old flame he once thought would be Mrs. Right.

Friday, March 29

The Salmon Under My Sweater

Season 2 • Episode 10

Charlie is tasked with writing a theme song to one of Jake's favorite comics.

Friday, March 29

Last Chance to See Those Tattoos

Season 2 • Episode 11

Jake discovers an angry Web site devoted to Charlie's womanizing ways.

Friday, March 29

A Lungful of Alan

Season 2 • Episode 12

The brothers compete for the attentions of Alan's high-school friend.

Friday, March 29

Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow (Get Off My Hair)

Season 2 • Episode 13

When Judith's pipes burst after an earthquake, Alan invites her to stay with him at Charlie's house.

Friday, March 29

Those Big Pink Things With Coconuts

Season 2 • Episode 14

Evelyn takes drastic measures to get back into her sons' lives after Alan cuts her off.

Saturday, March 30

Waiting for the Right Snapper

Season 5 • Episode 19

Charlie meets the daughter of the woman he's dating.

Saturday, March 30

Ergo, the Booty Call

Season 3 • Episode 16

Alan tries to avoid bringing his sexy 22-year-old girlfriend to Jake's birthday party.

Saturday, March 30

That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite

Season 3 • Episode 24

Charlie and Mia plan their wedding despite complications on both sides of the family.

Saturday, March 30

Working for Caligula

Season 4 • Episode 1

Charlie returns to his bachelor lifestyle; Alan breaks down following his second divorce.

Saturday, March 30

Who's Vod Kanockers?

Season 4 • Episode 2

Charlie tells Alan the truth about his breakup with Mia; a famous neighbor causes trouble.

Saturday, March 30

The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress

Season 4 • Episode 3

Charlie is convinced he saw his late father while having a near-death experience.

Saturday, March 30

A Pot-Smoking Monkey

Season 4 • Episode 4

After their split, Alan wants to gain custody of his and Kandi's dog.

Saturday, March 30

A Live Woman of Proven Fertility

Season 4 • Episode 5

Alan and Charlie try to help Herb and Jake bond.

Saturday, March 30

Apologies for the Frivolity

Season 4 • Episode 6

Charlie does not realize that his latest girlfriend is a younger version of his mother.

Saturday, March 30

Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head

Season 4 • Episode 7

Charlie helps Berta confront the man who impregnated her daughter.

Saturday, March 30

Release the Dogs

Season 4 • Episode 8

Jake pleads with Charlie not to date the mother of a girl he likes..

Saturday, March 30

Corey's Been Dead for an Hour

Season 4 • Episode 9

Charlie and Alan go on a double date, leaving Jake home alone for the first time.

Saturday, March 30

Kissing Abraham Lincoln

Season 4 • Episode 10

Charlie must choose between his girlfriend and his housekeeper.

Sunday, March 31

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Sunday, March 31

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Sunday, March 31

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Sunday, March 31

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Sunday, March 31

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Sunday, March 31

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Monday, April 1

The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump

Season 1 • Episode 5

Charlie and Alan meet several women while attending one of Jake's soccer games.

Monday, April 1

Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

Season 1 • Episode 6

After Evelyn's new beau dumps her, Charlie and Alan enlist Jake to cheer her up.

Monday, April 1

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Monday, April 1

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Monday, April 1

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Monday, April 1

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Monday, April 1

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Monday, April 1

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Monday, April 1

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Monday, April 1

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Tuesday, April 2

Taterhead Is Our Love Child

Season 6 • Episode 1

Charlie finds that one of his former girlfriends has a son who looks a lot like him.

Tuesday, April 2

And the Plot Moistens

Season 3 • Episode 21

Alan finds that he has more in common with Jake's teacher than with Kandi.

Tuesday, April 2

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Tuesday, April 2

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Tuesday, April 2

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Tuesday, April 2

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Tuesday, April 2

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Tuesday, April 2

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Tuesday, April 2

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Tuesday, April 2

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Tuesday, April 2

If My Hole Could Talk

Season 5 • Episode 18

Charlie discovers he is attracted to an older woman who writes self-help books; Jake and Alan fight.

Tuesday, April 2

Waiting for the Right Snapper

Season 5 • Episode 19

Charlie meets the daughter of the woman he's dating.

Tuesday, April 2

Taterhead Is Our Love Child

Season 6 • Episode 1

Charlie finds that one of his former girlfriends has a son who looks a lot like him.

Tuesday, April 2

Pie Hole, Herb

Season 6 • Episode 2

Alan crosses a line when he tries to get back money that he lent Charlie.

Tuesday, April 2

Damn You, Eggs Benedict

Season 6 • Episode 3

Charlie attempts to cook, Alan tries to date two women at the same time, and Jake samples beer.

Tuesday, April 2

The Flavin' and the Mavin

Season 6 • Episode 4

Alan awaits disaster as Charlie romances Alan's sweet receptionist.

Tuesday, April 2

A Jock Strap in Hell

Season 6 • Episode 5

The guys run into Jake's former teacher who became a stripper after a fling with Charlie.

Tuesday, April 2

It's Always Nazi Week

Season 6 • Episode 6

When Judith kicks Herb to the curb, Alan comes knocking.

Wednesday, April 3

Avoid the Chinese Mustard

Season 10 • Episode 7

Walden hires an actress to be his girlfriend; Jake plans a rendezvous with Missi at the beach house.

Wednesday, April 3

Pie Hole, Herb

Season 6 • Episode 2

Alan crosses a line when he tries to get back money that he lent Charlie.

Wednesday, April 3

Just Once With Aunt Sophie

Season 3 • Episode 22

Charlie and Alan help Jake prepare for his first boy-girl party.

Wednesday, April 3

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Wednesday, April 3

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Wednesday, April 3

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Wednesday, April 3

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Wednesday, April 3

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Wednesday, April 3

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Wednesday, April 3

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Wednesday, April 3

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Wednesday, April 3

The Mooch at the Boo

Season 6 • Episode 9

Charlie is left to cover when Jake disappears with the neighbor's daughter.

Wednesday, April 3

He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited

Season 6 • Episode 10

When Evelyn offers to pay for Jake's college education, Alan wonders if he ever needs to work again.

Wednesday, April 3

The Devil's Lube

Season 6 • Episode 11

When one of Charlie's old partners in crime dies, Charlie re-evaluates his own reckless lifestyle.

Wednesday, April 3

Thank God for Scoliosis

Season 6 • Episode 12

Charlie and Jake fight for the affections of a waitress.

Wednesday, April 3

I Think You Offended Don

Season 6 • Episode 13

Judith is pregnant with a baby girl, and Alan is convinced he is the father.

Wednesday, April 3

David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie

Season 6 • Episode 14

Melissa thinks Alan is not appreciated by his family.

Wednesday, April 3

I'd Like to Start With the Cat

Season 6 • Episode 15

In an attempt to prove he has changed, Charlie agrees to go with Chelsea to couples counseling.

Wednesday, April 3

She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime

Season 6 • Episode 16

Charlie rushes to get a half-naked woman out of his bedroom before Chelsea arrives.

Thursday, April 4

I Scream When I Pee

Season 10 • Episode 9

Alan's famous ex-wife, Kandi, wants to reconcile; Walden tries to make Berta's birthday special.

Thursday, April 4

Damn You, Eggs Benedict

Season 6 • Episode 3

Charlie attempts to cook, Alan tries to date two women at the same time, and Jake samples beer.

Thursday, April 4

Arguments for the Quickie

Season 3 • Episode 23

Charlie's former girlfriend (Emmanuelle Vaugier) returns with an unexpected request.

Thursday, April 4

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Thursday, April 4

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Thursday, April 4

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Thursday, April 4

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Thursday, April 4

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Thursday, April 4

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Thursday, April 4

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Thursday, April 4

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Thursday, April 4

The Two Finger Rule

Season 6 • Episode 19

Chelsea finds pictures of a naked woman on Charlie's phone.

Thursday, April 4

Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau

Season 6 • Episode 20

Evelyn finally meets Charlie and Chelsea.

Thursday, April 4

Above Exalted Cyclops

Season 6 • Episode 21

Chelsea sets Alan up on a blind date with Rose.

Thursday, April 4

Sir Lancelot's Litter Box

Season 6 • Episode 22

Charlie reluctantly lets Chelsea move in.

Thursday, April 4

Good Morning Mrs. Butterworth

Season 6 • Episode 23

When Chelsea and Alan become best friends, Charlie tries to take advantage of the situation.

Thursday, April 4

Baseball Was Better With Steroids

Season 6 • Episode 24

Charlie begins to question his relationship with Chelsea.

Thursday, April 4

818-jklpuzo

Season 7 • Episode 1

Charlie must decide between his fiancee, Chelsea, and his former girlfriend, Mia.

Thursday, April 4

Whipped Unto the Third Generation

Season 7 • Episode 2

Charlie's house is taken over by women when Chelsea convinces him to let Alan's girlfriend move in.

Friday, April 5

Give Santa a Tail-Hole

Season 10 • Episode 11

Walden juggles his two identities; Alan ends up alone on Christmas.

Friday, April 5

The Flavin' and the Mavin

Season 6 • Episode 4

Alan awaits disaster as Charlie romances Alan's sweet receptionist.

Friday, April 5

That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite

Season 3 • Episode 24

Charlie and Mia plan their wedding despite complications on both sides of the family.

Friday, April 5

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Friday, April 5

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Friday, April 5

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Friday, April 5

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Friday, April 5

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Friday, April 5

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Friday, April 5

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Friday, April 5

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

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