Best Lines on TV This Week (April 28 - May 4): 'It's Like One of Those Good News/Bad News Jokes, Isn't It?'

Chicago Fire

Stella: “You guys really have a thing about moving in with each other.”
Hermann: “Didn’t you ask Severide to move in with you?”
Stella: “That was...different.”

- Stella (Miranda Rae Mayo) bringing up something we’ve wondered about the whole Chicago Fire crew’s living habits.

American Gods

“It's like one of those good news/bad news jokes, isn't it? The good news is, we are lettin' you out early. The bad news is, your wife's dead.”

- A guard to Shadow Moon (Ricky Whittle) when he’s let out of prison.

Great News

“This is Carol Wendelson we’re talking about. She knows everything about everyone. That’s why in high school they called her Deep Throat. Boy, I hope that’s why.”

- Katie (Briga Heelan) explaining to her boyfriend Trip (Tommy Dewey) why it will be hard to keep their relationship a secret from her mother.

Dear White People

Kelsey: “But after the the blackface party, I was so traumatized. I mean, racism here? I still can’t believe it.”
Joelle: “No one could have seen it coming.”
Reggie: “Yeah, I thought President Obama fixed all that.”
Kelsey: “I know!”

- Kelsey (Nia Jervier) explaining how she got a therapy dog after the blackface party.

Live with Kelly and Ryan

“It’s funny, because I sent a text to some of my close, close friends and co-workers. I said, “I’ve got great news!” Responses were this from people who know me well: “You’re engaged!” No. “You’re having a baby!” It’s not that. “You’re coming out of the closet!” I said, “How long have you known me?” “Six years.” So, it’s none of that - it’s this! And I couldn’t be more excited to be here with you every single day, and all of you as well.”

- Ryan Seacrest describing his friends’ thoughts as to what his surprise (a.k.a. co-hosting Live with Kelly and Ryan) might be.

The Real Housewives of New York City

“There’s guys you sleep with, and there’s guys you marry. Those are two different piles.”

- Sonja Morgan describing the two men she’s juggling—Rocco and a frenchman aptly nicknamed “Frenchie.”

Veep

Dan: “Who’s your favorite character on Downton?”
Amy: “I don’t know. Abbey, I guess.”

- Amy (Anna Chlumsky) and Dan (Reid Scott) talking about Downton Abbey after Amy’s press conference with fiancé Buddy Calhoun (Matt Oberg).