Best Lines of the Week (July 23-29): ‘My Bedroom!’

Tuca and Bertie Featured
Adult Swim

August is just around the corner and we had some great lines to close off the month of July. iCarly showed happiness is hard to come by, Catfish: The TV Show proved looks can be deceiving, and Rick and Morty gave us some Thanksgiving-themed shenanigans.

Elsewhere Turner & Hooch gave us a hilarious Die Hard parody, Ted Lasso continued providing some heartwarming jokes, and American Horror Stories showed the dark side of influencer culture.

Scroll down to see if your favorites made it this week!

Dave Season 2 Episode 8 Andrew Santino

Dave (FX)

Dave: “This is none of your business.”

Mike: “This is literally my only business.”

— Dave (Lil Dicky) tells Mike (Andrew Santino) to get off his laptop as he tries to look at recordings he’s done … but it is because Mike’s his manager.

Miracle Workers Season 3 Episode 3 Daniel Radcliffe

Miracle Workers (TBS)

“I’m just trying to look out for her as a friend. And I don’t know what he has that I don’t have.”

— Ezekiel (Daniel Radcliffe) claims not to like Prudence (Geraldine Viswanathan) as he begrudges an interaction between her and Todd (Jon Bass).

Tattoo Redo Season 1 Episode 1 Shanequa

Tattoo Redo (Netflix)

Shea: “Not the tattoo artist. It makes no sense.”

Shanequa: “But he still touched Tupac.”

— Shanequa gets a bad tattoo from a tattoo artist who tattooed Tupac since she is a huge fan, but does not know what the tattoo is.

Ted Lasso Season 2 Episode 2 Jason Sudeikis
Apple TV+

Ted Lasso (Apple TV+)

“Wow, I’ve never met someone who doesn’t eat sugar. Only heard about ‘em. And they all live in this godless place called Santa Monica.”

—Ted (Jason Sudeikis) unsuccessfully tries to crack a joke when Dr. Sharon Fieldstone (Sarah Niles) tells him she avoids sugar.

Turner and Hooch Season 1 Episode 2

Turner & Hooch (Disney+)

Henchman: “My body, it hurts!”

Turner: “Yeah of course it hurts, you fell like four stories.”

— Turner (Josh Peck) has no sympathy for the Russian he threw down a stairwell.

Rick and Morty Season 5 Episode 6
Adult Swim

Rick and Morty (Adult Swim)

Rick: “Hands are tied, sweetie. I have to turn myself into a turkey and trick the president into giving me a presidential turkey pardon.”

Jerry: “Again!? How many times have you done this!?”

— Jerry (Chris Parnell) can’t believe Rick (Justin Roiland) is seriously going to try this again.

American Horror Stories Season 1 Episode 4

American Horror Stories (FX)

Zinn: “Guess we’re not getting presents this year, boys?”

Santa: “You’ll get what you deserve.”

— Influencer Zinn (Nico Greetham) gets knocked down by a mall Santa (Danny Trejo) and given an ominous warning.

Tuca & Bertie Season 2 Episode 7 Fish Tank
Adult Swim

Tuca & Bertie (Adult Swim)

“My bedroom!”

—An anthropomorphic fish is horrified to find Tuca (Tiffany Haddish) has drunkenly shattered his tank.

Catfish Season 8 Episode 45

Catfish (MTV)

“Smiling violently down at you haters who want to see me down. None of you cucks can take my joy away.”

Nev reads the alarming Instagram caption of Zark’s online boyfriend “Roger” who claimed not to have social media, but his profile “CZAR OF THE UNIVERSE” proves otherwise.

iCarly Season 1 Episode 9 Harper

iCarly (Paramount+)

“Unless it’s sand under a beach towel I’m sharing with Cara Delevingne on a romantic Miami getaway, it’s not going to make me happy”

—Harper (Laci Mosley) rejects Carly’s (Miranda Cosgrove) offer of ‘Happy Sand’: a mood enhancing drink supplement that’s actually repackaged fish food.