Best Lines on TV This Week: 'This feel a little weird?' 'Wait until Father's Day.'
This week on TV, some of our favorite characters bared their souls, while others sold bare-faced lies. In either case, it made for some fun viewing—and some quote-worthy lines! So here it is, our weekly round-up of best quips, quotes and quick bits of dialogue from the latest episodes.
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Jane the Virgin
Jane: "So, I just set up my own fake e-mail account, and pretended to be from the school, and asked if they wanted to rerun the ad."
Xo: "Ooh, nice. Very Jessica Jones."
—The Jane (Gina Rodrigues) and Xo (Andrea Nevado) are fans of a certain Netflix original series
Michael: "This feel a little weird to you?"
Rafael: "Wait until Father's Day."
—Rafael (Justin Baldoni) and Michael (Brett Dier) acknowledge the awkwardness
"Holding in my emotions is causing me to eat my feelings. And I think we can both agree that will be a disaster for the ratings."
—Rogelio de la Vega (Jaime Camil) proves he's just like us
"Some of my closest friends are not celebs. Stedman for example."
—Rogelio has a wide network of contacts
Dina: "You like to talk about the Kardashians. They're more interested in Ta-Nehisi Coates."
Rogelio: "I assure you, I'm open to all kinds of jackets."
—Rogelio might not have read Between the World and Me
"It's a telenovela. So things don't have to be completely believable."
—Rogelio offers his bro-gelio Michael (Brett Dier) some constructive criticism
"You’ve ignored my letters and cards. I should be capaciously insulted, but for my understanding your unique nature."
—Mr. Lyle (Simon Russell Beale) chides Vanessa (Eva Green) for her reclusive behavior
Stranger: "Dr. Frankenstein."
Frankenstein: "Dr. Jekyll."
—Penny Dreadful makes fans' dreams come true by introducing an iconic character
Voice: "Tell me your name."
Renfield: [crying] "My name is Renfield."
Voice: "Bend your head back. Give me your neck. Give me your throat. Give me your blood... My name is Dracula."
—The big bad for Season 3 reveals himself (kind of)
"There's nothing to fear, especially from your own mama. Get yourself together." — Cookie 😂 #Empire
— Empire (@EmpireFOX) May 5, 2016
— Empire (@EmpireFOX) May 5, 2016
"Hollis Doyle is a thug. A punk. And the people who support him are thugs or punks. Or they condone his behavior. They are not Americans. The idea that this country belongs to one kind of person is the least American idea that anyone has ever had. In fact, it is the opposite of the ideals of this nation. Nothing needs to be restored. Nothing needs to be made great again. We are a better nation than we were 20 years ago. Than we were 50 years ago. Than we were 100 years ago. Than we were at our founding. That is the point of America. We are a country where we are always greater than our past. I am proud to live in a nation where a black man has a legitimate shot at the White House. That's American greatness."
—Edison Davis (Norm Lewis) is addressing more than the TGIT audience
Game of Thrones
“I drink and I know things.”
—Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage) knows who he is
Tyrion: "I am their friend."
Varys: "Do they know that?"
—Varys (Conleth Hill) does not think reasoning with dragons is a smart idea
"When I was a child, an uncle asked what gift I wanted for my name day. I begged him for one of you. 'It wouldn't even have to be a big dragon,' I told him. 'It could be little like me.' Everyone laughed like it was the funniest thing they had ever heard. Then my father told me the last dragon had died a century ago. I cried myself to sleep that night... But here you are."
—Tyrion offers a glimpse into his childhood
"Next time I have an idea like that, punch me in the face."
—Tyrion sets up an insurance policy against future bad ideas
The Carmichael Show
"He got himself one of those Facebook Web sites. He made me take 25 profile pictures of him, before I 'captured his essence.'"
—Cynthia (Loretta Devine) reveals that Joe (David Alan Grier) is a bit particular about his image
"I don't think Facebook or the Internet has ever made a single person less opinionated. You know? And I formed that opinion after the Internet, so I know it holds up."
—Jarod (Carmichael) makes a valid observation
"Your profile picture is a Eiffel Tower with a rainbow filter, and a pink ribbon in the corner. What are you supporting there? A gay Frenchmen with breast cancer?"
—Jarod calls out Maxine's (Amber Stevens West) social media identity
— The Grinder (@TheGrinderFOX) May 4, 2016
Lawyer: "Now, even for a surgeon, wouldn't you call that kind of schedule grueling?"
Bailey: "You can say that. I wouldn't. I would say it's wildly successful, but then, I would never put a woman's success in the con column."
—Miranda Bailey (Chandra Wilson) makes a statement while testifying
Lawyer: "But Dr. Robbins' schedule is dictated by the unpredictable nature of childbirth, is it not?"
Bailey: "Objection. Speculation."
Lawyer: "She can't do that."
Judge: "You can't do that."
—Miranda Bailey (Chandra Wilson) forgets she didn't go to law school
"Being a mom isn't a job. We don't punch in and punch out. There are no nights off. We are both single parents. That's not a dirty word."
—Meredith Grey (Ellen Pompeo) fights stigma and supports her friend
"What I'm saying is, I'm a walking pile of contradictions. We all are, and none of this equals us. It's just not that black and white. And no one should be pressured to slap on a label so that someone else can define them."
—Amy (Rita Volk) drops a little truth at the school assembly
Noah: "I didn't get kicked out because my parents didn't accept me for being gay. [sighs] They didn't accept that their daughter was actually their son. Shane, I'm transgender."
Noah: "I haven't dated anyone since transitioning. I know it can be too much for some people. And I can see it's too much for you, so..."
Shane: "Hey, don't. It's a lot to take in. But it doesn't change the way I feel about you."
—Noah (Elliot Fletcher, right) shares a piece of himself with Shane (Michael J. Willet, left)
"Don't share this with anyone else. At my old school, I was 'the trans kid.' Here, I'm just Noah. I get to disclose to people when I feel comfortable."
—Noah sets up an important boundary in his relationship with Shane
Bella and the Bulldogs
"This is a team. There were ten other guys out there busting their butts for you the entire game. And I know, because I was on the bench, watching them."
—Newt (Buddy Handleson) is definitely a team player
Pepper: "'Ooh. Now I can see it. 'One team. One dream. All for one. One for all. Many paws. One dog.'"
Sophie: "Or how 'bout 'Sports intern struggles with headlines'?"
—Sophie (Lilimar) supports her best friend as best she can
— Chicago Fire (@NBCChicagoFire) May 5, 2016
The Big Bang Theory
"That's a Venn Diagram, and I remember because I thought to myself, 'Venn is he gonna stop talking about this diagram?'"
—Penny (Kaley Cuoco) has a surefire memory trick
Leonard: "Atom of hydrogen. Adam of Maroon 5. Mic drop!"
Sheldon: "I'm sorry, who's Mike Drop?"
—Leonard's (Johnny Galecki) knowledge no bounds, while Sheldon is definitely less culture savvy
The Mindy Project
Morgan: "When was the last time you felt the touch of a man?"
Mindy: "Kind of a long time ago. Oh, it was when Blake Shelton stepped on my neck at my audition for The Voice to get me to stop singing Adele’s 'Hello.'"
—Mindy Lahiri (Mindy Kaling) might not have the best singing voice
"I already bought all the ingredients for my one-layer dip: ranch!"
—Tamra (Xosha Roquemore) is not a whiz in the kitchen
"A man has not been that uninterested in having sex with me since I threw myself in front of Jon Hamm’s car."
—Mindy doesn't have the best luck with men
Tamra: "We haven't talked about the show or discussed our fan theories."
Beverly: "Mine is that commercials are how they make money."
—Beverly (Beth Grant) may be on to something
The Real O'Neals
Kenny: "I think you made a mistake."
Vice Principal: "My whole life has been a series of mistakes. You're gonna have to be more specific there, champ."
—Kenny (Noah Galvin) might have brought up some issues
— Wynonna Earp (@WynonnaEarp) May 7, 2016