'The Bachelorette' 2019 Men Tell All: Luke P. Gets Exactly What's Coming to Him (RECAP)

Stefanie Parker
Spoiler Alert Image via ABC/John Fleenor

With only one week left to go until we find out who Hannah Brown picks on this season of The Bachelorette, it's a perfect time for the rejected cast members to reunite and talk trash about one another. But before we jump in to the "Men Tell All" special, ABC is picking up where we left off last week when Hannah sent Luke home after the most cringeworthy goodbye in Bachelorette history.

"With Luke out of the picture, it allows me to finally focus on these other relationship," Hannah says. And now it's time for the beauty queen to narrow down her final three — Jed, Peter, and Tyler C. — to just two remaining contestants.

But not so fast.

Luke decides to show back up for one last shot with Hannah — WITH A RING. "Hannah thought there's no way that I'd want to be with her after the last thing she told me and she's sadly mistaken," Luke says in a selfie video. "She doesn't know it yet, but I'm on my way."

Just when we thought he couldn't get any more delusional, he shows up the rose ceremony and stands next to the three remaining men as if he's going to get a rose.

"This is my heart we're talking about here," he says.

"This is not about your heart," Hannah replies. "F**king LEAVE!"

Hannah goes from politely asking him to leave to *begging* him to leave. He refuses. Complete delusion. This is actually frightening how out of touch he is. Hannah takes the table with the remaining roses and moves it away from Luke, showing that he's not a part of the rose ceremony. YAS QUEEN.

Finally, the men step in to defend Hannah and threaten him. Luke, during this entire time, looks completely dumbfounded, as if he's totally unaware why everyone is so upset with him. Rinse and repeat for about 10 full minutes until Luke gets a clue and leaves.

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OK, so that was exhausting. Now that that's behind us, let's move on to the "Men Tell All" special. Here are all the highlights from tonight's episode:

Luke is still oblivious.

So Luke sits in the hot seat and proves that he's learned absolutely *nothing* from his actions this season. He admits that he doesn't regret any of his actions (but also later says that he *does* regret some of his actions — sigh), and further explains that Hannah (and the rest of America, apparently) have simply misunderstood him. Perhaps if you didn't contradict every single thing that you said, we would be able to understand. Just a thought.

"My actions are because I got completely blindsided" he says, adding that he was surprised that Hannah was so cold to him on the day he showed back up in Greece. "I didn't expect her reaction."

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This is the most cringeworthy interview ever. Luke is taking an abnormally long time to answer any question that Chris Harrison asks him. These aren't hard questions, but when you're calculated and manipulative, you might need to take some extra time to think through each answer.

Silence. DEAD SILENCE. 30 seconds of no talking, Chris just staring at Luke. Is this real life?

"My feelings for Hannah haven't changed. I still love her. I still want what's best for her. And I boldly say that," he says. "But I also boldly say that she's not my person."

As if this interview with Chris wasn't brutal enough, we welcome the rest of the contestants to unleash on Luke.

Connor's first to take a jab at him.

"I want to give you the only compliment of the night you're gonna get and just say that I do respect you being here. You're about to step into a firestorm," Connor says. Luke starts to smile, but it quickly drops from his face when he realizes Connor isn't *actually* giving him a compliment.

"But secondly, every single week, there was a different event, different situation that you had to apologize for and honestly it is one of those things that actions speak louder than words and we were waiting for your actions to change but nothing ever changed. Honestly, I wish I had said this earlier to you but just... f**k you." Luke mouths "wow" from his seat as if he's totally shocked by Connor's sentiment. HOW. ARE. YOU. STILL. THIS. OBLIVIOUS?

Connor continues amidst a roaring applause from the audience, "You're a liar, manipulator, you're controlling, and you honestly are a psychopath, and I think everything you're about to hear tonight you deserve."

Luke then attempts to apologize to the men, "It hurt me to watch that season and to watch myself. I did make it about me. I boldfaced lied to some of you guys. I was extremely immature and I realize those things. I hope you can support me as I work on those things and forgive me.

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And how much older are they than Hannah Brown, who is 24 years old?

"I completely do not accept your apology," Mike says, adding that he just said moments earlier that he didn't regret any of his actions from the season.

And then Cam — remember Cam? — points out the obvious and thanks Luke for being the villain because it took the heat off of him. Most honest statement of the night. You're accepted now, Cam.

Luke's segment wraps up with one last final attempt to redeem himself. He tells the guys they don't know him — they only know him in The Bachelorette bubble. All together now... SIGH.

John Paul Jones is still adorable.

To lighten the mood, JPJ takes the hot seat and we're reminded just how wonderful this man really is. He credits all the positive attention he's gotten from Bachelor Nation to the positive relationships he's made with the other men on the show. (Luke, take notes!)

In the middle of the interview, a fan interrupts to ask for a lock of his hair. Totally normal, apparently. Watch:

 

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Only John Paul Jones would let an audience member of #TheBachelorette #MenTellAll cut off a lock off his hair! 💇🏼‍♂️ #WWJPJD

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It looks like they're setting Mike up to be the next Bachelor.

Mike takes the hot seat next looking like a million bucks. Physically, he looks like Bachelor material, and his interview fits the bill as well. Chris seems to purposely be asking him Bachelor-themed questions. We're onto you, ABC.

"I bought one woman home in ten years, I take this stuff incredibly serious," he says. "It would've been amazing for [Hannah] to meet my mother, my sister, my grandma. I grew up with all ladies and I've learned so much and I just wanted to give all of the things I learned to a woman so deserving as Hannah."

So, a loyal, charismatic man who's sensitive towards women and just wants to find his happily ever after? Time to sign that contract, Mike.

Hannah is still a beast.

When Hannah takes the hot seat, Luke accuses her of saying that she wasn't going to have sex in the fantasy suites. Lies! Hannah quickly snaps back with, "Fantasy suites aren't used for sex, Luke, you didn't have one so maybe you don't know." #HannahBeast.

"I'm so over being slut-shamed," she continues. "Oh my gosh, I live my life and make mistakes every single day. That's what grace is for."

 

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Are you ready for tonight?! 🌹 #TheBachelorette

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Before wrapping up, Hannah turns to the camera and apologizes directly to Bachelor Nation at home for Luke being on our television screens for so long.

"I'm tired of talking about him. The Luke P. show is canceled, we will not renew the season. Again, my apologies and God bless the United States of America. And roll tide"

The Bachelorette, Mondays, 8/7c, ABC