Best Lines on TV This Week: ‘You Know What’d Be Fun? A Zombie Show Where a Zombie’s the Star’

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iZombie -- "Method Head" -- Image Number: ZMB210a_0004.jpg -- Pictured (L-R): Rose McIver as Liv and Zack Peladeau as Wyatt Carver/Cody -- Photo: Cate Cameron/The CW -- © 2015 The CW Network, LLC. All rights reserved.

The best quips, quotes and quick bits of dialogue from this past week’s shows.


Zombie Actor: “You know what’d be fun? A zombie show where a zombie’s the star.”
Clive: “That’s dumb.”
— A Zombie High extra goes full-on meta but Clive’s (Malcolm Goodwin) just not interested

Lana: “Then a few months ago, he read for the Blue Ranger part in the new Power Rangers movie.”
Liv: “I don’t know if he has the range for Blue.”
— Liv (Rose McIver) knows a thing or two about the essence of a Power Ranger (since McIver played a Yellow Ranger years ago)

New Girl

“So Fred’s not shy, he just sucks. When I asked him what his favorite hobby was, he said, ‘Towels.’ I’ve got to break up with that human pile of saltine dust.”
— Jess (Zooey Deschanel) realizes his potential boyfriend is blander than bland


“So what, I’m miraculously healed and all you stunning people have magical powers?”
— Clary tries to explain away magic to Jace (Dominic Sherwood)

“I’m not interested in being in your supernatural fight club. I just want to find my mom.”
— Clary tries to share she’s just an ordinary girl with ordinary dreams

“Dressed? What are you doing undressed in an abandoned church? Clary, is there a meth problem we should talk about?”
— Simon (Alberto Rosende) is worried Clary has some problems that don’t involve magic

RELATED: Read More Best Lines on TV

73rd Annual Golden Globes

“Cookies for everyone! My treat.”
— Taraji P. Henson’s first words after winning the Best Actress Award for Drama

“Thanks to Mr. Weiner who wrote this horrible person all the way through to the end of this incredible ride and picked me to play him.”
— Jon Hamm thanks Matthew Weiner for creating the depressing Don Draper


Kelsey: “Hachette already has so many Sick Lit writers.”
Liza: “What’s Sick Lit?”
Kelsey: “Terminally ill teen genre. Like Fault in Our Stars.”
— Liza (Sutton Foster) learns a new teen lit category about young (and fatal) attraction

Diana: “Liza, if you want to be taken seriously, you can’t just blurt out your unrequested opinion. This is not a Gallup poll.”
Liza: “I bet Seabiscuit would love a Gallup poll.”
Diana: “Honestly, it’s like you have some form of literary Tourette’s.”
— Liza’s boss, Diana (Miriam Shor) is not impressed by her assistant’s punny-ness

Pretty Little Liars

Spencer: “Don’t go there.”
Hanna: “Spencer, we lived there, a long time. It’s not like it’s a long commute.”
— Hanna (Ashley Benson) gets real after Spencer (Troian Bellisario) tries to calm the group from jumping to crazy conclusions as a new big mystery unfolds


Amy: “My cousin Ricky started out shoplifting. Now he’s bangin’ out license plates in some prison. Trying to avoid a big guy named Crazy Eyes.”
Shoplifter: “Crazy Eyes is a character in Orange Is the New Black.”
Amy: “Crazy Eyes is a character in every prison in America, ladrona puta.”
Shoplifter: “Okay, listen Rizzoli and Isles, I’m not confessing to anything, especially not to two minimum-wage morons.”
— Amy (America Ferrera) tries out her best bad cop to an accused shoplifter who’s having none of it

“We didn’t know Charles, but he chose to spend the last few moments of his life with us. Charles, may your soul… Or non-denominational life force, I guess, be lifted by the non-gender-specific. Arms of a loving entity or non-entity…”
— Glenn (Mark McKinney) tries hard to eulogize someone without getting too religious


“Now, I can’t imagine a free people ever voting to send an army into an open-ended foreign conflict which profits only the few. That would be madness.”
— Sid’s (Luke Youngblood) comment about war is a meta-reflection on today’s state of war

Galavant: “Listen, I was thinking from here on out, maybe I’ll do the hero thing…Alone.”
Richard: “What? Why?”
Galavant: “Well, because you nearly got us killed by those mercenaries and the mercenaries before that or any of the countless other times you’ve put our lives in jeopardy.”
— Galavant (Joshua Sasse) gives King Richard (Timothy Omundson) some straight talk

“We think that you’ve turned yourself into the queen who has everything. Except love, respect, friends… And a decent pair of earrings!”
— Two mean girl-princesses invite Madalena (Mallory Jansen) to a Sunday roast that turns out not to involve food

War and Peace

“Goodbye then. Remember, if you should be killed, I will be pained.”
— Prince Nikolai Bolkonsky (Jim Broadbent) gets a little sentimental about his son going off to fight against Napoleon’s army


Xavier: “God, I hate Diego. That dude does not even know how to use a microscope.”
Ana: “Oh, and you do?”
Xavier: “I played a scientist in an orange juice commercial.”
— Xavier (Jencarlos Canela) may have gotten an inflate sense of his abilities

Gael: “All white? Risky.”
Ana: “Well, you know I can wear all white and never get dirty. White power!”
Gael: “I’ve told you before, Ana, you can not say that. It’s like when you had the party and the invitation said, ‘Whites only.’”
Ana: “No, it was a white party. Oh, you think that’s why Diddy didn’t show up?”
— Gale (Jose Moreno Brooks) and Ana (Eva Longoria) may have very different POVs about the word “white”

Life in Pieces

The Middle