Game of Thrones: Good Week for Traitors, Bad Week for Women

In retrospect, it was probably foolish of us to think this episode’s title, “The Gift,” could signify anything good. It’s actually pretty clever: a reference to both Brandon’s Gift—a large swath of land south of the Wall which was given to the Night’s Watch by one of the Brandon Starks of yore, and which Jon Snow plans to settle with Wildlings—and Tyrion’s current status as slave/gift to Daenerys Targaryen.

This week, Reek revealed he’s even worse than Theon Greyjoy ever was, getting a poor servant flayed for being too loyal to Sansa. We got a little Ghostus ex machina (hi, Ghost! Why are you not with Jon Snow?). And the Queen of Thorns and Cersei learned how chilling true fanaticism is, thanks to the High Sparrow. Here’s who the gods smiled upon, and who had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

A Good Week For…

Samwell Tarly

Sam got laid! However, this was weird for several reasons, foremost being that women who have just escaped near sexual assault don’t tend to want to jump anyone’s bones.

Ser Jorah Mormont

He made his way back to Dany! And it looks like his gift of Tyrion just might be enough to save him from getting an arakh to the groin. Benioff and Weiss must have watched a little Gladiator before scripting this one, judging by how the melee sequence was shot.

A Bad Week For…

Stannis Baratheon

He’s stuck in the middle of a nasty winter storm leagues away from a nasty piece of work at Winterfell! He lost his sellswords, he lost a ton of horses, and his stubbornness might just get everyone killed. At least he knows the difference between “less” and “fewer.”

Cersei Lannister

She’s in prison! Cersei. Did you really think your cousin, whom you slept with and then unceremoniously dumped, and who subsequently joined a religious cult (that you gave an army to) wouldn’t have told his superiors every horrible little thing you two did together? This is King’s Landing. Ain’t no such thing as a secret.