Best Lines of the Week (September 18-24): 'We Share an Unbreakable Human Bond'

Meghan Markle AGT The 100 Jordan Zendaya Emmys
NBC; Dean Buscher / The CW; Television Academy

This week, we laughed at Ryan Seacrest's text fails on Live with Kelly and Ryan, felt second hand embarrassment for Steve Harvey on Celebrity Family Feud and had our hearts warmed by Zendaya's speech at the 2020 Emmy Awards.

The fall premieres of Archer, Filthy Rich and Ratched featured memorable quips and laugh-out-loud moments that helped start their seasons off on a high note, as well.

Scroll down to see the most memorable lines on TV this week.

Filthy Rich, Season 1, Episode 1, Maggie, Kim Cattrall
Fox / Alan Markfield

Filthy Rich (Fox)

You attract bees with honey, not butt butter.”

– How Maggie (Kim Cattrall) ends her argument with Reverend Paul (Aaron Lazer) over how to run the family empire successfully (i.e., not with X-rated materials)

Zendaya, Emmy Awards, 2020
Television Academy

2020 Emmy Awards (ABC)

“When the potential of television is unlocked, it forces us to recognize that despite our vast and many differences, we share an unbreakable human bond.”

Zendaya, who would later win the Emmy for Lead Actress in a Drama Series, introduces Issa Rae, who talks about her first Hollywood pitch.

Shannon Kook, Jordan, The 100, The CW
Dean Buscher / The CW

The 100 (The CW)

“In my heart, I know there’s a purpose to everything, and we don’t find out what it is by killing each other in the next war.”

– Jordan (Shannon Kook) implores everyone to reconsider killing Cadogan (John Pyper-Ferguson), arguing that mankind’s future depends on peace.

 

Live with Kelly and Ryan, Ryan Seacrest, Kelly Ripa, 2020
ABC

Live with Kelly and Ryan (ABC)

“I type a text saying, ‘Thank you for the updates,’ and my autocorrect puts in the little [message box], ‘Thank you for the nudists.’”

– Ryan Seacrest talks about one of his latest and most confusing autocorrect fails that was sent to one of his American Idol coworkers.

Steve Harvey, Celebrity Family Feud, Season 6 Episode 6
Byron Cohen / ABC

Celebrity Family Feud (ABC)

Steve Harvey: “Name one complaint women might have with men’s lips.”

Cassidy Gifford: “Big, overpowering lips.”

– Cassidy Gifford, Kathie Lee Gifford’s daughter, responded to Steve Harvey’s prompt with an answer that left him feeling targeted and embarrassed.

America's Got Talent Season 15 Finale Meghan Markle
NBC

America's Got Talent (NBC)

“We’ve been so moved by your story and we’ve been cheering you on every week… and it’s not just because we’re partial to the name!”

Meghan Markle sent a special video message to AGT contestant Archie Williams during the show’s season finale. (Her son has the same first name.)

Conan O'Brien, Michelle Obama, Conan, 2020
TBS

Conan (TBS)

“This is a democracy, and yes, sometimes it’s frustrating and sometimes it can be alienating… But I’ve also travelled the world… and I wouldn’t trade our democracy for anything… But in order for it to work, we need active, engaged, informed citizens who are ready to do the one pretty simple thing, which is vote!”

– Former First Lady Michelle Obama explains to Conan O’Brien how razor thin election results can be and why it is so important to register to vote.

Sayeed Adyani / Netflix

Ratched (Netflix)

“No one has ever put their name on a peach with a felt tip.”

– Mildred Ratched (Sarah Paulson) quips back at Nurse Betsy Bucket (Judy Davis), who has shamelessly stolen her peach at lunch hour.

The Tonight Show, 9/22, Keira Knightly
NBC

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (NBC)

“At the moment, what she really wants for her birthday, when she’s 6, is a Beatles birthday party. She wants it Sergeant Pepper-themed and she wants to go as Paul McCartney.” 

Keira Knightley explains to Jimmy Fallon that her 5-year-old daughter’s latest obsession is no longer Paw Patrol, but instead, surprisingly, The Beatles.

Archer, Season 11, Episode 1, H. Jon Benjamin
FXX

Archer (FXX)

“Haha, got ya! Post-coma voicemail hoax, yup I’m doing it.” 

– Archer (H. Jon Benjamin) teases his mother after faking his death in yet another elaborate voicemail prank.