Best Lines on TV This Week (Feb. 24 - March 2): 'Well, That Was Anticlimactic. We Taking an Uber Instead?'

The 89th Academy Awards

“I knew I would screw this show up, I really did. I promise I’ll never come back.”

- Oscars host Jimmy Kimmel after the crazy Best Picture mix-up between presumed winner La La Land and actual winner Moonlight.

Chicago Justice

“Having a right and doing what is right, they’re two completely different things.”

- Peter Stone (Philip Winchester) laying down the law after Voight (Jason Beghe) wants to tell his shady side of the story in court during Chicago Justice’s premiere in the One Chicago world.

The Vampire Diaries

"Well, that was anticlimactic. We taking an Uber instead?"

- Damon (Ian Somerhalder) to Cade (Wole Parks) after he unsuccessfully tries to drag his soul to hell.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Mac: “Oh, but it’s just such a mystery, though!”
Dennis: “What about the mystery of the yuck puddle. What the hell is that thing? Why won’t it dry up? Why won’t it harden?”
Charlie: “It’s shifts. I’ve seen it shift.”
Dennis: “He’s seen it shift! We shouldn’t have an amorphous, shifting blob in the bar!”

- Mac (Rob McElhenney), Dennis (Glenn Howerton) and Charlie (Charlie Day) on the icky pile of goo in the bar.

Legion

“I’m Betsy Tough Love, your mean friend.”

- Lenny (Aubrey Plaza) quips to David (Dan Stevens) while speaking with him in the Astral Plane.

Fresh Off the Boat

“Boss, the new Spice Girls CD isn’t ringing up. The line out front has gone from Baby to Scary.”

- Chip (Steve Trzaska), the record store worker, talking to his boss while Eddie (Hudson Yuang) possibly gets arrested.

Modern Family

“Is this a bachelor party or a party where ladies sit around watching The Bachelor?”

- Jay (Ed O’Neill) to Phil (Ty Burrell) about the bachelor party for Phil’s dad, Frank (Fred Willard).