Best Lines of the Week (Feb. 16-22): ‘To Be Fair, I Was Promised Sex’

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BEST LINES
Suzi Barrett

Drunk History

Suzi: “When people start noticing that they’re being dicks, then they start trying to fix their dicks. That’s my favorite Dr. Seuss quote.”
– Suzi Barrett reveals the real reason why Section 504 of the 1973 Rehabilitation Act, which prohibits discrimination based upon disability, was implemented.

THE BACHELOR WINTER GAMES - BIBIANA JULIAN
ABC

The Bachelor Winter Games

Bibiana: “Leave it to the Bachelor Winter Games to bring in exes to make you feel uncomfortable as hell.”
– Bibiana is thrown off her game when her ex, current Bachelor Arie, arrives to judge a kissing competition.

The Alienist
TNT

The Alienist

Sara: “I was raised by my father as an only child. He taught me to drink whiskey. He said if I was to endeavor to live a man’s world, than it was necessary for me to drink like a man.”
– Sara Howard (Dakota Fanning) declines Dr. Kreizler’s (Daniel Bruhl) offer for wine during a tense dinner, instead preferring whiskey as her father taught her.

Baskets_305_0029
FX

Baskets

Christine: “I need some tips on running a family business. My son brought my brother in who owns a couple of Quiznos franchises, and now…”
Daniel: “A few Quiznos? I mean, maybe he knows something about the business.”
– Christine (Louie Anderson) goes to Daniel (Ryan Yu) for advice on running the Baskets family rodeo.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
THE CW

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

Josh: “Rebecca tried to have my father deported?”
Nathaniel: “Again, that was me, but to be fair, I was promised sex.”
– Nathaniel (Scott Michael Foster) confesses to Josh (Vincent Rodriguez III) that he was the one who attempted to deport his father, though, to be fair, Rebecca (Rachel Bloom) had promised him sex.

TYRA BANKS
VH1

America’s Next Top Model

Tyra: “You know you’re a good model. Okay? You’re a good model. Don’t let go. You’re a good model. I’m holding you here.”
Christina: “It’s okay. It’s okay, because apparently not.”
– After being eliminated for her attitude and inability to listen to criticism, Christina snapped at Tyra.

The Haves Have Nots
OWN

The Haves and the Have Nots

Jeffrey: “I’ll find out what you two are up to. Please don’t you let me find out that you two are against me.”
Candace: “This place already has you paranoid.”
– Candace (Tika Sumpter) hopes she’ll stay in the clear for Quincy’s murder while Jeffery (Gavin Houston) and her talk in an interrogation room.

LINDSAY VONN
Tom Pennington/Getty Images

2018 Winter Olympics

Lindsey: “I am proud of what I represent and who I am and I’m very proud to hold the American flag on the podium…All Americans deserve to hold the flag and to be proud of their country, no matter what their beliefs because that’s what makes America great. So I’m not beaten. I’m standing on the podium and, to me, I feel like I won a gold medal.”
– Lindsey Vonn accepts the bronze medal in women’s downhill and her last Olympic event.

KEVIN (PROBABLY) SAVES THE WORLD - JASON RITTER, INDIA DE BEAUFORT
ABC

Kevin (Probably) Saves the World

Kevin: “It says ‘Friendshrimp is forever’ because we were eating shrimp and it almost looks like it says ‘friendship.’ But it isn’t—it’s a different word.”
– Kevin (Jason Ritter) hopes to win back Tyler’s (Dustin Ybarra) friendship with a set of matching punny shirts.

Vanderpump Rules - Ariana Madix
Tommy Garcia/Bravo

Vanderpump Rules

Ariana: “Tom and I have definitely been better about working on our intimacy. So I’m hoping we can continue that in Big Bear, and uh, do the thing. It. Not like “It,” the scary clown, “It.” But like. It.”
– Ariana Madix explains the progress she and Tom Sandoval have made on their relationship and clarifies that when she says “it” she means sex

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From the drama on TNT’s The Alienist to the non-stop humor of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, and from the Bachelor Winter Games to the real Winter Games, this week was filled with captivating television for any audience.

Click through the gallery above to see our 10 favorite lines on TV from this past week!