'90 Day Fiancé' Episode 7: 'I'm Tired of This S**t' (RECAP)
[Warning: The below contains MAJOR spoilers for 90 Day Fiancé Season 7, Episode 7.]
This week on 90 Day Fiancé, we see bachelorette parties, babies, and prenups, all leading to either the perfect wedding or the perfect pre-break up storm. Is it just a coincidence that as we get closer to the holidays, the episodes get more and more amazing? Here's to the gift that keeps on giving!
We pick up immediately where last week's episode left off, with the aftermath of Michael's ex-wife Sarah's prenup comments. And yes, Michael is still wearing that ill-fitted jersey. Juliana asks him again in private what a prenuptial agreement is, but after Michael explains it, she keeps repeating that she just doesn't understand. Michael tries to smooth over the awkward conversation by throwing a forced Patrick Bateman smile her way, while Juliana says she will "do everything to make this marriage work."
We learn that Michael did not have a prenup with Sarah due to their financial situation at the time, and Michael assures audiences that maybe things would have been different had they gotten married today. "[An expensive divorce] is a horrible thing to go through and I never want to do it again, but I learned a lot of lessons," Michael says in a confessional.
Juliana ends the segment asking why she had to learn about the proposed prenup from Sarah and not Michael, and he blindly just says it was "out of character" for Sarah to bring it up. A new younger bride will definitely make any jealous ex-wife act "out of character," it seems.
"This Is America"
Sasha and Emily's flimsy relationship lands stateside with baby David in tow. Sasha continues to blatantly make his intentions clear: he moved to America to pursue a career as a fitness model and "buy houses and cars." There is no mention of excitement for meeting Emily's family, and when the Russian brood arrives at the airport, it's evident that Emily's mother and sister feel the same way towards Sasha.
"We're here to see the baby," Emily's mom says, while her sister Betsy halfheartedly apologizes for "not paying attention" to Sasha before coldly stating "this is America" when they step outside. The welcome balloon seems so out of place and the whole thing is essentially a transaction to just get Emily back in the U.S. The next 90 days should be interesting as Emily and David are planning to live with Betsy, and she even gave up her master bedroom for them. Sounds like some fun in South Bend, Indiana.
This Is Getting Old
It's impressive how Angela has only been in one episode and already her storyline feels drawn out. We get it: Michael is coming to the U.S., she has an obscene amount of family members living in her house, she's worried about Michael's loyalty to her but she also wants to have a kid with him, blah blah blah. It's a snoozefest—except when Angela's granddaughter says she'll push "Poppa" (why do they already have a weird nickname for him?!) out of Angela's bed.
UFOs in the Ukraine
Natalie drags Mike to church because she "wants to introduce him to God." Keep in mind this is after Mike claimed aliens are the true higher powers. Also he finally, finally, finally specified he believes in "ancient aliens" this episode, and we like to think this is proof that he and Bojangles exclusively watch the History Channel on their farm.
Natalie insists Mike be baptized so she can "save his soul." Yet she's totally fine with these TLC cameras entering a holy house, so we're not too sure how deeply she follows these conservative beliefs. "I'm scared of people who don't believe in God," Natalie tells Mike, because "people lie, people betray, people cheat and I don't want it in my family." Did they not talk about religion before they got engaged, or is this part of Natalie's long-term mission to spread the faith? Natalie points to her Ukrainian upbringing for why she has such a strong religious belief and then says she's "kidding herself" to think Mike can change and that she doesn't know if she wants to marry him if he doesn't share her same values.
"Sometimes I just get worried that Natalie can't accept me for who I really am," Mike confesses.
Anna only has 22 days left to convince her three sons to at least tolerate soon-to-be stepdad Mursel, and she admits that she feels pressure to "still go through with [the wedding]." If she has doubts, she really should just call it off. But not before she has her bachelorette party! "Finally I get to get a break, have some fun, and not worry about someone telling me not to drink," Anna jokes. Anna does a series of double shots and we just keep thinking that it was daylight when everyone arrived so how plastered are they getting at happy hour?
Mursel apparently "gave permission" to Anna to drink once a week, but he doesn't want to kiss her or have sex with her afterwards. Does she not realize that marrying him would be a lifetime of rules?
"That's a lifestyle change, girl," one of Anna's friends tells her. "We're digging into this s**t." We then learn way too much about Anna's bedroom preferences but she has "no complaints." Anna probably has the best, most compassionate friends this season, and they thoughtfully try to offer advice. She reveals that Mursel probably isn't ready to be a parent because he's "like a kid" himself. Her example? Mursel literally pees on the toilet seat, which no one needed to know. This guy is almost 40 and still doesn't know how to pee? He can't blame the bees for that one.
With her friends' encouragement, Anna is finally determined to have Mursel tell his family about her sons. It seems a honeymoon is probably not in store for this couple.
Robert Robs Anny of An Apartment
Currently Robert and Anny live in a one-bedroom apartment, with son Bryson sleeping on top of their heads (there's Paranormal Activity nightvision proof). The couple goes apartment-hunting for a two-bedroom place, even though Robert says he just renewed his current lease for a year. Why does no one on this show plan ahead?
Anny basically calls Robert's bluff, and this time, we're on her side. Robert then turns it around and asks if Anny loves him or the apartment, which is a tough question because in this case it basically breaks down to loving him or loving not being beaten up by a toddler in the middle of the night.
Sasha criticizes Betsy's breakfast choices of "sugary" cereal. "Actually it's crappy food," Sasha says in a confessional. "I have no idea how they're eating this." He then asks Betsy to cook omelettes or oatmeal instead and instructs her exactly how to make them. As for his big first day in America? Sasha only wants to find a gym. It's questionable whether he has an actual addiction here or if he really is just that motivated to become a fitness model, plus meet his inevitable fourth wife. Then Emily jumps in and says she actually wants to go to the gym too because let's not forget how Sasha told her he wanted her to be trimmer last week.
Betsy is not having any of it though, and good for her. "I don't think I've ever seen Emily go to the gym," Betsy tells the camera. "In high school, she took marching band to get out of going to P.E. class."
And then Sasha literally tries to shame Betsy for her cereal choices and looks towards Emily's fit mother and says it's clear she doesn't eat the same cereal Betsy does. The mom just giggles and blushes — it's clear which side of the family Emily is from — but Betsy, you need to kick this awful man out of your house. Emily may have been charmed by his demeaning persona, but Sasha is officially toxic.
Law on Her Side
Juliana and Michael meet with an attorney to mediate a pre-up discussion. Michael plans to keep his assets separate from Juliana, but the attorney encourages him to take care of her as well with the prenup. Juliana is relieved that the attorney is giving her a voice, and then the mediator basically explains to Juliana what being an adult in America would actually cost.
Last year apparently Michael and Juliana broke up for three months; he was the one who abruptly called it off, and now with the prenup conversation, she doesn't want to be solely reliant on him for money. "I'm angry with myself because I'm in this situation now," Juliana says.
Angela and her daughter Skyla go wedding dress shopping, and after two years of dating Michael, Angela is beyond ready to be wed. His visa still hasn't been approved though but she is adamant to have an "American style" wedding. Angela tells the bridal shop owner that she would not marry him in Nigeria if he doesn't get the visa. She also has a "right" to have Michael come to the U.S. because she is a taxpayer.
Well at least the dress looks nice.
Making A Mursel
So whoever is playing 90 Day Fiancé bingo, Anna has officially cried in every single scene she's in alongside Mursel. That's a great sign for their coming marriage. Mursel also only has one confused expression. He keeps repeating that the parents who never taught him how to properly pee will be mad if they find out about Anna's sons. "My whole life has been my boys. I'm not hiding it, ok? So if you don't tell your parents, I don't think we will get married," Anna tells him, and of course he has no reaction.
Mursel blames Anna's friends for "convincing" her to stand by her children, and he says his "family will not talk to him for life" if he tells them. Anna asks him again if he will do this for the sake of their relationship and he just shakes his head no. Again, why didn't they talk about this before he came to the U.S.?!
"I know Mursel will leave me. I guess I thought over the 90 days that he would change his mind about telling his family about all of the boys. But I don't think he'll choose me over his family," Anna says in a confessional.
Mursel tells Anna that he made a lot of sacrifices to be with her in America, including leaving his job, and that he wants her to sacrifice the identity of her children for him. In what world is that a fair tradeoff?
Gym, Tan, Lying
So Sasha tells the camera that he's lost 10 pounds of muscle from not working out for 10 days, because, you know, science. He then discusses his determination to help Emily get back to her pre-baby body, and the couple hits the gym together with Sasha acting as her personal trainer.
Emily says to the camera that she's doing this for herself, but minutes later, reveals her real motivation: "I know I need to do this because when he starts to work, he's going to be around gorgeous people all day and in the back of my head, there's always that worry, 'who's he looking at while at the gym?'" Totally healthy reason to be with someone.
At least she's honest with Sasha. "I don't want to be your third divorce because you see someone better," she tells him between sit ups. And of course he stumbles over a response, but to the camera, he laughs and clarifies that he doesn't look at girls, they look at him.
Emily also has to remind him to care about his own son, but Sasha says that Emily's family will take care of David. Sasha is a viper and Emily needs to leave him as soon as possible. The sad thing is that she knows that but likes being able to tell people her fiancé is a model. Betsy, go to the grocery store, buy some Fruit Loops, and try to talk (or feed) some sense into your sister.
A Long Drive Home
The only real model on this season is the kind, sensitive Juliana. She opens up to Michael about her worries and regrets over not having savings. "I feel like I'm a loser," she cries to him, but he assures her that she will be an "international model" like she's some backup Bond girl.
Natalie is still hysterical the following morning after their visit to the church. Natalie's mother tells Mike she wants at least two grandchildren, plus a lot of other stuff that Natalie refuses to translate so he can understand. Her mom just won't let up, like read the room, lady. She asks what kind of kids Natalie wants, and Natalie just turns to Mike in frustration.
"I don't understand you and you don't understand me," Natalie says to Mike. "It's going to be a disaster and I don't want to put so much on my child." She even says they'll probably get divorced in two years, and Natalie runs out of the room in tears as her mother keeps repeating how important children are, especially a grandson. Natalie's mom has transitioned from cute to cruel and has an eerie resemblance to the plot of Hereditary.
We check in with Syngin mid-indentured servitude as he rakes leaves. He confesses that he hasn't really talked much to Tania since she left and is worried that she might be avoiding him. Robert brings Anny to a strip club, Nigerian Michael calls Angela after his friends call her "trashy," and Betsy gets drunk and confronts Sasha. "You've got the baby part down but you don't have the marriage part down," she tells him. *Break for applause*.
Blake and Jasmin aka the boring last-minute addition couple are judged by Blake's friends after Jasmin says she doesn't have a desire to work. Michael and Juliana argue while rock climbing, and Natalie and Mike continue their God debate.
Until next time, 90 Day fans!
90 Day Fiancé, Sundays, 8/7c, TLC