'90 Day Fiancé' Episode 6: Ho Ho Ho-ly Hell (RECAP)

Samantha Bergeson
Spoiler Alert TLC

[Warning: The below contains MAJOR spoilers for 90 Day Fiancé Season 7, Episode 6] 

It's early December which means 90 Day Fiancé is in full swing, complete with annoying ex-wives, matching ties, and she-sheds. Angela and Michael finally are introduced this season, while Tania takes off to go chase her dreams of wearing a witch hat unironically full-time. Let's dive in before the icy relationships begin to thaw.

Father Figures

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We jump right into the drama with Anna's sons and their escalating hatred for soon-to-be stepdad Mursel. Anna explains that her kids, especially the eldest Joey, have been rude to Mursel only after they found out he was keeping their existence a secret. The trio of boys tell Anna that they want to be paid $25 per minute if she makes them spend with Mursel, and Anna just laughs it off.

The family heads to Tip Top Tux (great name) to try on suits before the wedding, and while on the ride there, Joey asks if Mursel is going to "wear some barbaric headdress or something" at the wedding. Upon seeing the outfits Anna picked out for them, Joey is later in shock that he has to match the groom, Mursel. Clearly the kid has no knowledge of Turkish customs or even how weddings work. Mursel tries to use the translator app to connect with Joey, while Joey tells the camera their relationship is "nothing. It doesn't matter, he's just there."

The whole scene looks like Anna is interrupting an acapella quartet practice, with them huddled outside dressing rooms in hideous matching three-piece suits topped off with bee urine-colored bowties. Eventually Mursel asks Joey straight up if he supports the wedding to which Joey responds unflinchingly: "no." Mursel threatens to leave and Anna starts to cry.

"I'm sure we could work something out," Anna tells Mursel in a confessional. But honestly she needs to work that out with her son, not Mursel.

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Angela Now

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Finally we see 90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days alum Angela for the first time this season. "I want to look as fresh as I can and maybe a little younger. Ok, a lot younger," Angela says as she preps herself for Botox injections. Then "Flight of the Valkyries" plays as the needle goes into her forehead, and we can only imagine this is totally what Francis Ford Coppola envisioned when he used it for Apocalypse Now. Post-Botox and Angela still can't pass for Baby Yoda youthfulness, although she does bear a striking resemblance to the shriveled adult Yoda.

Angela's fiancé Michael is over 20 years her junior, and currently lives in Nigeria. She has visited him multiple times but now Michael is finally traveling to the U.S. for their wedding. "Donald Trump I'm coming to see you," Michael said in a clip when they first got engaged. Yet the couple will be living with Angela's six grandkids, her daughter, and her mother once Michael arrives, which is far from the White House.

Angela still has trust issues with Michael after he cheated on her, and she checks in with Michael over FaceTime before his visa interview. "If you're putting on a damn show they're going to know it and you're going to be denied," Angela scolds him. "You know the consequences: if you screw up, we'll be done."

Then Angela coins a term that 90 Day fans are probably already printing on t-shirts: "It's either the K-1 or the K-done."

Mom's Little Helper

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Syngin has been in the U.S. for a month and explains that the stress of getting married within 90 days has led to a lot of fights between them. It's totally not because of Tania's personality, but whatever. "Love takes a s**t-ton of work," Syngin says. Just what every fiancé wants to hear.

Tania's mother sits down for a meal with Syngin and Tania before she heads to work. She asks how Syngin likes living in her former she-shed which is apparently a real term and not just something StateFarm made up, and he says it's a little small since Tania has so much frivolous stuff. Tania's mom says that she sacrificed a lot to that they could move in, including getting rid of her she-shed indulgences like a tanning bed and probably the rusted sink where she dyed her hair. Syngin graciously thanks her for giving up the space so he can literally rebuild it for free for her, pretending that it wasn't a totally dilapidated mess when he arrived.

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Tania is departing for Costa Rica soon and Syngin just sighs—there are no neighbors or friends around for him to hang out with after she leaves. He tells Tania that he doesn't want her to feel guilty for leaving (although she totally should). Syngin asks Tania's mother if it's ok if he uses her car to go to the store. "It's a privilege," she responds, saying she expects him to help out since he's not a teenager. "When she's gone you can help out with mowing, weed whacking, we'll be power-washing the back patio. There'll be stuff you can keep occupied. We'll figure out."

Syngin says Tania's mom can be a "little scary" sometimes and that they'll be spending a lot of alone time together over the next month. Cut to Tania's mom calling him a "dirty bird" in her finished she-shed.

Suspicious Sasha

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Emily stresses about packing up her life to go back to America. She keeps listing everything she's packing, and each time she mentions workout clothes, Sasha says she should use them more and bring her smaller pre-pregnancy clothes as "motivation." She literally just had his kid and he's already body-shaming her. You snagged a real winner, Emily, but you already knew that: just ask his other two wives.

Sasha's own motivation for going to the U.S. is also revealed. Surprise, surprise, he wants to be a fitness model. Emily points out that he's bringing such few clothes, and implies it's because he wants to be able to leave her at anytime. Does she even hear herself? She literally knows the answer already so why is she wasting time with this guy? Plus Emily says her family doesn't even know about his other two kids so she's anticipating some tension between them. Maybe Emily should have gotten with Mursel instead: secret kids seem to be a shared interest.

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L.A. Confidential

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Blake and Jasmin are moving into his parent's apartment while they upgrade to a house. "The apartment looks smaller than in FaceTime," said no one ever but Jasmin. Blake must really know how to work those angles. She also says she wants to redecorate the apartment ASAP.

Blake's stepfather comes back home on his lunch break to sit down with Blake's mother, Blake, and Jasmin to discuss their living arrangements. Apparently mama's boy Blake didn't even ask his parents if his fiancé Jasmin could stay at their apartment with him. His parents immediately say it's inappropriate for them to live together before they're married in the Christian faith. His mom tells Blake to move in with his brother while Jasmin can stay with them until they move into their new house.

Second Time's the Charm

Michael wants to give Juliana the wedding of her dreams but they only have about 50 days left to plan it. So the couple meet with a last-minute wedding planner, who condescendingly explains to the camera that she commonly works with second marriages and age gaps because there's a "lot of money" in Connecticut.

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But then we find out that this is also Julianna's second wedding too. Michael says her first relationship was comparable to an arranged marriage and they were only married for a year when she was 19. "I didn't want to marry him but there was so much pressure from my family and the church. Everyone was saying if I didn't marry him, God would not bless you for the rest of your life," Juliana explains. "I was so scared." How was she able to get divorced then? When will we find out more about her ex?

The wedding planner says for their upcoming nuptials, it can be hosted at "country clubs, farms, or mansions." Ah, the classic Connecticut trifecta. The planner suggests that Michael host the wedding at his own home since it would be hard to lockdown a venue with such short notice, so they decide to get married in their backyard. The so-called wedding professional stresses how lavish Connecticut weddings are ("sometimes upwards of half a million dollars," ok we get it lady) and that she charges $10,000 for her expertise. "Overall it will be in the $50,000 to $100,000 range," she tells them for a backyard wedding with 30 guests. Michael, you are getting scammed.

Michael also explains that he financially helps out Juliana's family, including buying her sister hearing aids, but that if her parents came for the wedding, they would put pressure on Juliana to send more funds. Juliana agrees and says her family's whole mindset is about money. "Where is the line that which you're able to indulge yourself a little bit and not feel guilty while you're still trying to help others who aren't as fortunate as you? I don't know," Michael says. Are Michael and Juliana the best couple this season?

Bye Tania

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So apparently the shed isn't even done after a month of working on it, but Tania still bails to go to an "herbal apprenticeship" program in Costa Rica that she's been wanting to do for years. She keeps repeating it's an investment for their futures but it's going to take a lot of herbs to get them out of that disastrous shed. "I'm going to head off and have a great time," Tania tells the camera. She and her pink shirt go to the airport. Bye.

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Heart to Heart Over Chips

Anna takes her sons to the park for a picnic to discuss what went down at Tip Top Tux (this is not sponsored, we swear). Joey, the resident moody teen, could have excused his insensitive comments to Mursel as some sort of rebellion to a new father figure, but it turns out he's just a brat. "What kind of a loser has on a picnic?" Joey asks his mom when she tell him her plan. No wonder Anna's friends say that she needs help at home.

The middle son Gino is more empathetic, saying it's sad he doesn't get to see his mom as much anymore since she's with Mursel. The youngest son thinks they're going to break up and then she'll be sad afterwards. "The boys mean everything to me. My life revolves around them," Anna says. "But I don't think they appreciate everything that I've given and sacrificed for them and at some point I want to be happy too."

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Gino says it would be fine if they moved to Turkey but Anna explains she can't take her sons with her, and they need to understand that once they're grown and out of the house, she's going to be single and alone if she's not with Mursel in the U.S. "You can find a guy that we like though," Joey shoots back before saying he won't go to the wedding. "No one likes Mursel. You're the only person."

Anna has cried in almost every single segment she's in on this show, and it's just heartbreaking. She just needs to be her own queen bee (and that is officially the only bee pun for this recap).

Leaving Russia

Emily is in a hurry to leave but Sasha's mother insists they all sit on the bed before their flight in order to appease the spirits in the house before traveling. Emily rolls her eyes and Sasha doesn't believe in the tradition either but says he's very excited to finally get to America. Does Sasha give anyone else Mark Ruffalo in Foxcatcher vibes? No? Come on, it's the hair at least.

"I'm really excited to marry Emily and then be really successful in America and have my own gym and one day I'm going to swim the Pacific Ocean." Sasha, who are you?

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Emily starts bawling in the car on the way to the airport. It's clear she's scared that her past mistakes in Russia (ahem, getting with Sasha) are going to become even more real once she owns up to everything with her family, plus re-enter the workforce. "I really hope my family will accept Sasha and give him a chance," she sobs.

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Ex-Pat Party

Angela's fiancé Michael visits his family before going to the visa interview. All of his nieces and nephews say they're going to miss him when he goes to the U.S. Then Michael meets up with a group of people who used to live in America and now live in Nigeria. They warn him about moving to the small town in Georgia where Angela is from because it might not be racially diverse. "There's still segregation in some places, especially somewhere like Georgia," two of the women tell him. "We worry about [Michael] a little bit."

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The group is surprised by the age gap between the 53 year-old Angela and Michael, and say they most likely won't be able to have children. "I am persuading one of her daughters to give us an egg," Michael says, basically summing up their whole story arc from 90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days. All of the expats tell him he's "living in a fantasy" and it's going to be way harder than he expects.

The Ghost of Ex-Wives Past

Back in Connecticut, the other Michael settles into his new home with Juliana. That is, until his passive aggressive ex-wife Sarah shows up carrying dog food. Insert your own joke here. She then proceeds to OFFER TO OFFICIATE THE WEDDING which is just flat-out crazy. Michael, being oblivious and kind of dork, says it's fine if she wants to be ordained but Juliana rightfully squeals in discomfort. "Maybe she can warn me, like run," Juliana jokes to break the tension. To the camera Juliana later says she "doesn't want to see her face in the photos," and Juliana, you are totally right.

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And then the super kind and gracious ex-wife goes from being their rent-a-priest to asking about their pre-nuptial agreement. Michael has to explain to Juliana what that term means, and that he is interested in drafting one so his kids are protected financially. With that, Sarah departs, saying that she hopes she "didn't stir the pot in anyway" while she leaves. She knew exactly what she was doing.

Previews

This week proved how much we really need Robert and Anny on the show, so we can't wait until next week to see what other eye rolls Anny has in store for us when she's apartment-hunting. Juliana and Michael go to a mediator to discuss what would happen if they got divorced and Juliana starts to emotionally break down.

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Sasha works out as Emily tells him he won't be able to be as self-indulgent when she's at work because Sasha will need to look after their baby. Angela goes wedding dress shopping, and Anna has a sad bachelorette party where her friends basically give an intervention for her not to marry Mursel. It also looks like Mike tells Natalie about his debt because she questions how they can afford to raise a child, and she walks away in tears.

Yikes. See you next week 90 Day lovers.

90 Day Fiancé, Sundays, 8/7c, TLC