She’s Not a Regular Mom, She’s a Cruel Mom! ‘Riverdale’ Star Nathalie Boltt on Penelope Blossom’s Mother’s Days

RVD215b_0263b (1)
Katie Yu/The CW

Mother’s Day is upon us and if you’re lucky, you have a Bow Johnson from black-ish or a Tami Taylor from Friday Night Lights to celebrate this Sunday. But for a few unfortunate souls, there are moms like Riverdale‘s Penelope Blossom out there who are more meat cleaver than June Cleaver.

Still, there is something lovable about this horrifying woman. Actress Nathalie Boltt, who knows Penelope better than anyone, has graciously (and hilariously) channeled La Blossom’s dark dark soul to give us her take on what Mother’s Day means to TV’s meanest mom.

When the kids were younger, how did they make Mother’s Day special for Penelope? Breakfast in bed? Terrified silence?

You know, it was the cutest thing. Nana Rose showed them how to grind valium into my scrambled eggs. So Penelope spent the first few Mother’s Days unconscious. But one year, she caught them doing it and chased them around with an axe. If I remember correctly, that’s how Nana ended up in the wheelchair. Poor dear. But totally her fault, she knows that. Jason and Cheryl were the fastest runners, so that is how they made it to such a ripe old age. Oh, you didn’t know the Blossoms used to have lots of children? Silly!

So Nana Blossom was always as sweet and cuddly of a maternal figure as she is now?

Oh goodness yes! She was always round and soft and so generous! Always laughing and inspiring people. She had SO many friends and gave great advice and AMAZING gifts. She even had her own TV show! Oh. Hang on. no, that’s Oprah. [Laughs]

Will there be a visit to Jason’s grave this year?

For Penelope, yes. Everyone else will have to stay behind the electric fence she had erected. Or try and get past the sniper, Ronald. Ronald is such a sweetie. He never misses. So far there are 17 other graves around Jason’s. But no one visits those, because, you know, commoners. Maybe also because of Ronald. But whatever.

Which TV moms inspire Penelope?

She admires True Blood’s Lettie Mae for her unrepentant mash-ups of alcohol, shotguns and religion, though it’s hard to beat American Horror Story s Constance Langdon, who has a heart of ice and lungs of steel. Constance also doesn’t mind chaining kids in the attic or dragging their dead bodies around to keep them close — great attributes that Penelope deeply relates to and, with some coaxing and a few Bourbon sours, will likely admit to trying herself. Her ultimate fave, though, has to be Mother Theresa. Because she’s the funniest TV mom ever! All those silly things she says ‘Peace begins with a smile,’ ‘Spread love everywhere.’ [Laughs maniacally] Comedy gold!

'Riverdale' Ups Vanessa Morgan & Charles Melton to Series Regulars for Season 3See Also

'Riverdale' Ups Vanessa Morgan & Charles Melton to Series Regulars for Season 3

One half of a popular 'ship and a beefcake bad boy will be sticking around!

Is Penelope expecting a Mother’s Day card from Cheryl this year? What will she write in it?

Oh gosh yes. Cheryl never forgets to write mummy a card on her big day. Like clockwork every year, it appears with a fetching dried black rose and the same carefully chosen words: ‘I hate you, get out of my house, Penelo-pig.’ Poor dear. She never was very good at spelling.

The Black Hood went after your daughter. Does that make you realize how important she is to you? Or do you see Hal as a complete failure?

Hal is a misunderstood darling. And Cheryl did scare him, so of course she must pay. In the end, we’ll all get along though. He’ll be released and we’ll play croquet on the front lawn, followed by a friendly session of bows and arrows and, my personal favorite, ‘Push Nana Down The Stairs.’ We all make bets on how long it will take her to crawl to the phone and call 9-1-1. Wonderful family traditions!

Penelope wants to open a brothel in the new Southside. How will she be a mother figure to her girls there?

Well, she will help them choose their outfits, make their hair pretty and smell nice… even after the Harley Davidson convention has come to town. Just like any caring mother would do. Also, she’ll teach them how to cook! ‘Penelope’s South Side Stew’ is a dish to sooth the soul and ease the despair. Best served cold and lumpy. Like she likes her men, I mean mattresses.

What would be the perfect Mother’s Day for Penelope?

Oh you know, coming to with a valium headache, checking the traps in the garden for neighborhood pets and then reminding demented Nana that her husband is dead and she’s all she’s got left. Too funny! Then we like swapping all of Cheryl’s bras out to identical ones that are two sizes too big so she thinks her boobs have shrunk. That glass-shattering shriek of hers. Enough to fill any mother’s heart with joy!

With love! Penelope (@natboltt)

Riverdale, Wednesdays, 8/7c, The CW