Four People You Shouldn’t Invite to Your Emmy Party

Arthur Tanner/Fox Photos/Getty Images
17th January 1959: People arriving at a party, carrying their portable television. (Photo by Arthur Tanner/Fox Photos/Getty Images)

Earlier this year, we warned about people hosts should avoid inviting to their Oscar shindigs. The Emmys are this Sunday, though (8/7c, Fox), and they’re a slightly different beast, so we’ve adjusted our warnings accordingly. (The recommended snacks, however, remain the same.)

Your Mom

Moms are great! They sacrifice so much for their children, whom they love more than any other thing in the universe. But after about the fourth glass of rosé, odds are pretty good she’ll a) start complaining about the lack of NCIS nominations, or b) go on a tear about how this is absolutely not the Golden Age of Television, that was when The Mary Tyler Moore Show was on, damnit—pardon her French. (If she’s tech-savvy, she’ll start pulling up clips of older shows on YouTube for you ignorant children to watch.)

The Person Who Only Watches HBO

Yes, yes, we all know HBO puts out a lot of Quality Programming. But a lot of other networks do, too—even broadcasters!—and ignoring the riches the rest of the guide has to offer makes her myopic, rather than discerning. (She might also be an Emmy voter.)

That Guy in Your MFA

Ugh, this guy again. Now your BFF is dating him, because you didn’t listen to us last time and they hooked up at your Oscar party. He definitely doesn’t own a television or have cable, and what do you mean watching shows on your computer counts as watching TV? Also, uh, have you even seen this show called The Wire?

The Bigot

Oh, dear. In your defense, you didn’t really know this person was racist/homophobic as heck, probably because he started out subtly, with a passing comment about not understanding why Empire is such a big hit. But then he’s wondering aloud why all the hullabaloo over some old guy wearing a dress—usually that’s just a sign you’re looking to get beat up!—and you realize you’ve made a huge mistake. Save yourself the hideously awkward silences and general sadness about knowing someone who thinks like that and screen for this guy.

Is there anyone we missed? Tell us in the comments below. The 67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards air Sunday, Sept. 20 on Fox.