Game of Thrones Finale: Good Week for Those Not Seeking the Throne, Bad Week for the Rest

Game of Thrones Finale Comp2

“I’m glad the end of the world’s working out well for someone,” Lord Commander Jon Snow told his buddy Samwell Tarly not too long before being stabbed to (theoretical) death in Game of Thrones‘s Season 5 finale, “Mother’s Mercy,” which was astonishingly light on said mercy. Yes, that is nice that one person is maybe having an OK day—well observed, Jon. But Seven Hells, what a grim finale for the rest of us. Even Daenerys had to deal with a sleepy, intractable Drogon wanting to chill out in Dothraki territory rather than take her back to Meereen.

So, for the last time this brutal, brutal season: Here’s whom the gods smiled upon, and here’s who had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

A Good Week For…

Arya Stark

She got to kill Ser Meryn Trant! Yeah, she lost her sight as punishment for taking the wrong life for the Many-Faced God, but compared to what happened to everyone else this week? Not too bad.

Sansa Stark

She and Reek Theon are escaping Winterfell! When they jumped off that wall, we didn’t hear their bones crunch into a million pieces, like Myranda’s when Theon threw her off that walkway, so we have to assume they’ll safely land in a moat or an unmelted snowbank or something. Finally.

Samwell Tarly

He gets to go south to Oldtown and study to be a Maester at the Citadel! Not only does he not have to freeze his buns off constantly down in the southernmost reaches of the Seven Kingdoms, he’ll also have a long journey on which he and Gilly can continue having kind of awkward/painful intercourse. How nice for them.

Tyrion Lannister

He gets to rule Meereen while Jorah and Daario go find Daenerys! Huge step up from where it looked like he was going to end up last season finale, or even once he escaped prison. It also looks like he’ll have Varys (we missed you, Varys!) to help him with what is like to be a rather steep learning curve while Dany’s off not training her dragon.

A Bad Week For…

Stannis Baratheon

It looks like Brienne killed him! Not only that, but after sacrificing his daughter so the Lord of Light would send a little thaw his way, his wife Selyse hanged herself and half his men deserted in a single night. Which meant Roose Bolton’s forces handily defeated his, and left him in such a weakened state that Brienne was able to trot on by and deliver justice for her beloved King Renly.

Myrcella Lannister

She’s been poisoned! Who in their right mind allows a woman who had literally just tried to abduct and murder a girl, and who is known to be a dab hand at poisons, to kiss said girl on the mouth? Either Prince Doran is an idiot, or he knew about this. (That doesn’t excuse Jaime or Bronn for allowing it to happen.) Though hey, at least she got to have a nice moment with Father-Uncle Jaime, where they bonded over her not caring about her, um, non-traditional heritage.

Cersei Lannister

She had to go on a literal, horrifying Walk of Shame, naked as her name day, all through a mob of obscene haters! It was like every internet comment section came to life and stepped onto the streets of King’s Landing, throwing things and physically accosting her. And she’ll still have to go on trial for the other sins (i.e. incest with Jaime) she’s denied committing. Even someone who’s wreaked as much havoc as Cersei didn’t deserve this.

Jon Snow

He got stabbed by just about everyone left in the Night’s Watch, including Olly! (And is presumably dead. Though, as we saw with Thoros and Beric Dondarrion, the presence of Melisandre at the Wall might mean that death won’t stick.) Jon’s death occurred at the end of A Dance With Dragons, George R. R. Martin’s last-published A Song of Ice and Fire book, but with all the deviations the source material this season, it seemed not impossible to book readers that Jon Snow could survive this season. Unlikely, sure, but not out of the realm of possibility. Well. Nevermind.