Best Lines on TV This Week: ‘I Believe in a Former Life I ‘Was’ Coffee’

Gilmore Gils
Saeed Adyani/Netflix
Gilmore Girls

While we won’t give you the final four words from the Netflix revival of Gilmore Girls, we picked two of the other hundreds of clever lines to add to our best lines list this week. Enjoy our weekly round-up of our other quips, quotes and quick bits of dialogue from some of our favorite shows.

Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life

“The fact that the entire town was actually constructed in a giant snow globe probably has an effect on your bar count.”
—Lorelai (Lauren Graham) explains why Rory’s (Alexis Bledel) cell phone doesn’t work in Stars Hollow.

“I believe in a former life I was coffee.”
—Lorelai (Lauren Graham) tells us what we already definitely knew.


“Time to write my own f–king story.”
—Mave (Thandie Newton) makes her badass plans for escape and changes her pre-scripted loop.

Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency

Dirk: “I just wish you’d stop saying you’re an a–hole. I don’t think you are, so it comes off a bit cheap.”

Todd: “Cheap? Have you not been listening?”

Dirk: “It’s very easy to act like a jerk, and then say, “Well, I’m a jerk, so that’s that.” But it’s not like being a bloody werewolf, is it? It’s just you making excuses for your excuses. I don’t have any friends. I am always surrounded by bizarre and frightening states of disaster, and I am always alone. Even you keep saying you’re not my friend. But since you’re the closest thing I’ve had, I’d really appreciate it if you’d stop calling yourself an a–hole.”
—Dirk (Samuel Barnett) gets real with Todd (Elijah Wood) about his cheap tendencies.


“I am tired of sitting at the kids’ table. If I’m right, we can have way more than vengeance. We can have it all. We don’t need to go to war. All we need to do is start one.”
-Barbara (Erin Richards) concocts her master plan to take down Penguin (Robin Lord Taylor).

The Walking Dead

Maggie: “This is our home now, so you’ll learn to start to call me by my name. Not Marsha, not ‘dear,’ not ‘honey.’ Maggie. Maggie Rhee.”
Maggie (Lauren Cohan) stands up to Gregory’s misogyny, claims Hilltop as her home and reaffirms her undying love for Glenn.

Bob’s Burgers

Bob: “You guys are into rosemary, right?”

Gene: “The lady who had the baby?”

Bob: “No, the herb.”
Bob Belcher (H. Jon Benjamin) and Gene Belcher (Eugene Mirman) get lost in translation over Bob’s Thanksgiving plans.

“It’s just bad and boring like avocado toast.”
Gene (Eugene Mirman) on the annual day before Thanksgiving play.


Lin: “That was delicious. Don’t tell my mom, but your scallion pancakes are even better than hers.”

Watson: “Well, I just follow the recipe. It’s like lab work.”

Lin: “Mm. Flunked chem. Set the lab on fire.”

Watson: “Well, accidents happen.”

Lin: “Wasn’t totally an accident.”
Lin (Samantha Quan) telling Watson (Lucy Liu) about her fiery side.

Family Guy

“Hi. Me again. I’m not in that guy’s library anymore. I snuck up to the attic just before the cops busted in. They’re down there now, look. Only problem is, I really want to get to that trunk of costumes in the corner. On the one hand, I don’t want to give away my location. On the other hand, there might be a pirate hat.”
Peter (Seth MacFarlane) trying to get his priorities straight and narrating the episode; he was being held captive in a guy’s house after smashing his car into the side of it.

The Simpsons

Marge: “Just what are you watching that’s so important? Outstanding College Mascot Fights?”

Homer: “S.E.C. edition. The top-heavy mascots always lose, unless they are fighting something with no arms. See? The Stanford Tree is no match for the Tulane Green Wave.”
Homer (Dan Castellaneta) is procrastinating from doing his chores.

This is Us

“I’m not spending Thanksgiving in New Jersey meeting the walking slices of Wonder Bread responsible for…this.”
Olivia (Janet Montgomery) initially declines Kevin’s (Justin Hartley) Thanksgiving invitation while assuming what his family must be like.

American Housewife

Dr. Ellie: “Anything else out of the ordinary? The holiday’s can be stressful for parents, and sensitive kids can pick up on that.”

Katie: “My mother. She’s coming for Thanksgiving.”

Dr. Ellie: “Ah. Is that complicated for you?”

Katie: “No. It’s pretty simple. She’s the worst.”
Katie (Katy Mixon) shows her disdain for her mother’s visit while talking to Dr. Ellie (Kirstin Eggers) about Anna-Kat.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

“Who here does the best impression of Captain Raymond Holt? You’ll be judged on voice, body language, and overall lack of flair. Everyone will perform the same scenario: Captain Holt eating a marshmallow for the very first time.”
Jake (Andy Samberg) cheering up the police department by starting an impression competition.


Chloe: “Lucifer? Lucifer! Get out of the chair.”

Lucifer: “Oh, come on, Detective. It’s been ages since I’ve sat in a throne.”
Lucifer (Tom Ellis) being cheeky with Chloe (Lauren German) during an investigation.