The 10 Wildest ‘Landman’ Quotes So Far
As with every Taylor Sheridan show, the dialogue for Landman is full of punchy one-liners. Whether it’s one character taking another to task, unusual advice being doled out by a parental figure, or simply a scathing observation of the world at large, no one in the series is above a tongue-lashing — giving or taking one.
To celebrate the series that keeps on gifting meme-able moments, here’s a look at some of the wildest quotes that have been uttered on Landman so far. (Fair warning: Several of these are completely NSFW.)
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10. Monty to oil executives (Season 1 Episode 5)
In a line that helped set the takedown-style tone of Landman early on in the series, Monty (Jon Hamm) let a gaggle of oil executives at a company luncheon know exactly why they shouldn’t be worried about the ecological impact of their product — or the backlash they receive because of it: “Will you shut the f*** up? My God, this is why I don’t come to these things,” he says forcefully. “Y’all have been in so many shareholder meetings, you forgot what it is we actually do for a living. We are well diggers. We don’t nor can we ever control how our product is used or what it is used for. There’s nothing new to make an engine run cleaner, because I don’t build f***ing engines. I don’t care what the governor of California says about electric vehicles. I don’t care how many career college students block London traffic or spray paint a f***ing sculpture. I care that the price of oil stays between $76 and $88 a barrel. That is what we should be discussing. The world has already convinced itself that you are evil and I am evil for providing them the one f***ing thing they interact with every day and they will not be convinced otherwise. Stop wasting your time and stop f***ing wasting mine.”
9. Rebecca to adverse attorneys (Season 1 Episode 4)
Rebecca (Kayla Wallace) does not suffer fools — especially ones that make sexist remarks to her. Case in point: when she takes opposing counsel to task during a break from the tense deposition of Tommy. “My father died before I was born, defending your right to say sexist remarks like the ones you just uttered here in front of six other witnesses, all of whom are attorneys and three of whom are women,” she says. “So if this is how you talk to a woman in front of court reporter, I wonder what interesting tales they have to tell about those late-night discovery sessions.” At this point in the story, we weren’t yet familiar with Rebecca’s game, but this line did it. She later borrowed a Yellowstone favorite phrase when threatening to hand another lawyer’s degree above her toilet.
8. Tommy to an unsuspecting waitress (Season 2 Episode 1)
Tommy Norris (Billy Bob Thornton) is anti-breakfast because he has deeply held a theory about why it’s been labeled the most important meal of the day: “I’ll tell you why. It’s Kellogg’s and General Mills and whoever makes them sh**ty little frozen round waffles, that’s who it is,” he tells a random waitress just trying to go about her day. “The people that tell us that breakfast is the most important meal of the day are the sons of b**ches that make the stuff. You think our ancestors had breakfast? You think cavemen sat around a f***ing fire eating waffles? No, I guarantee you. If they ate breakfast at all, it was probably bone marrow and an impala they dried out over a fire. I guarantee you they didn’t have cornflakes.”
7. A random to Cami (Season 2 Episode 1)
Cami (Demi Moore) was feeling mighty nervous about what speech she’d make to the M-Tex investors who might question her stepping up as president of the company after her husband’s death, but she got an unexpected confidence boost from a couple of bully golddiggers she ran into in the bathroom. In a jaw-dropping moment, they bragged about shacking up with the executives in the audience before taking a jab at her with, “The divorced doctor convention is one hotel over. It’s a young woman’s game here, no offense.” Her revenge was ice cold when she went on to give a speech that shut all her doubters down and interrupted those two jackals’ vacation plans all in one fell swoop.
6. Angela to Aynsley (Season 1 Episode 3)
No one gives maternal advice quite like Angela (Ali Larter), especially to her impressionable teen daughter, Aynsley (Michelle Randolph). When asked to pick between a selection of pictures meant to make her romantic interest jealous, Angela demurred. “Well, these are all selfies. If you really want to make him jealous, you need someone else to take them,” she explained. “Then he has two things to worry about: Your body and who the hell is taking the photos.”
5. Aynsley to her college admissions officer (Season 2, Episode 1)
The second season kicked off with yet another mouthful from Aysnley — this time, in her college interview with TCU, in which she explained her aversion to anti-fraternization policies between football players and cheerleaders like so: “It seems detrimental to really humanity in general that a university would try to keep the prettiest girls from dating the tallest, most athletic boys, who could then get married and make babies that are like really really pretty and athletic — like even more athletic than their parents. It’s like if you breed a lab to a sheepdog, you have — well, I don’t know what you have, but you don’t have a lab, and you don’t have a sheepdog. But if you take two really, really good-looking labs, like from the Wildrose Kennel at the Dallas Gun Club, then the puppies will be like super retrievers. And I just think that we’re wasting a real opportunity with these restrictive policies.”
4. Tommy to a bored T.L. (Season 2 Episode 5)
Tommy also had the hottest take when describing The View to his restless father T.L. (Sam Elliott), calling the show, “A bunch of pissed-off millionaires bitching about how much they hate millionaires and Trump and men and you and me and everybody else they got a bee up their ass about. It’s pretty funny… it ain’t joke funny, it’s like fart in church funny.” Ouch.
3. Angela to Tommy & Tommy to Angela (Season 1 Episode 5)
Dinner fights are quickly becoming major hallmarks on Landman, but it’ll be hard to beat this one, no matter how long the show runs. In a moment of despondency over her now-grown children not getting along, Angela lamented, “Do I look like a woman who could have a 22 year old? I’m turning into a GMILF!” When asked to explain the acronym, she said, “A grandmother I’d like to f***. I’m aging out of cougar for f***’s sake!” Those aren’t even first-world problems. They’re something else entirely. And if that wasn’t shocking enough, Tommy’s response to her was, “Listen, honey, let me ask you a question, and when I do, please don’t hit me, all right?… At what point are we in your menstrual cycle? … Let me guess, I’m gonna say right towards the end.” Perhaps most surprisingly, her response was to laugh and admit, “Any f***ing minute. I need a Midol and a f***ing margarita.” Somehow, this all ended in a warm embrace between the two because Landman will Landman.
2. Tommy to T.L. (Season 2 Episode 7)
One of the series’ most romantically-charged episodes to date also featured one of its weirdest quotes ever. After Tommy got into a fight with Angela that devolved into him threatening to “f***” her breakfast omelette, he was in the dog house and had to explain exactly why to his father. “Well, I’ll tell you this, not even as a joke, don’t ever put your d** in a woman’s omelette,” he said, somehow with a straight face. To that, T.L. replied with the voice of all of us to say, “To be honest, son, the thought has never crossed my f***ing mind.”
1. Aynsley to Tommy (Season 1 Episode 1)
It’s the quote that will live in TV infamy just for how completely bizarre and unexpected it was. In the series premiere for Landman, Aynsley confided in her father about her relationship with her then-boyfriend, and he asked a question he would come to truly regret. “Are you two having sex?” he asked. “Of course!” she admitted. He immediately knew he’d regret the follow-up to ask if she was being safe and how, and he was right, as she said, “As long as he never c**s in me, he can c** anywhere on me.” Tommy’s stupefied expression was all of us at that moment.
Landman, Sundays, Paramount+
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