Best Lines of the Week (September 28-October 5): ‘I Found God. He’s in Jersey.’

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God Friended Me (CBS)

Rakesh: “Miles, I did it. I found God. He’s in Jersey.”

— Miles (Brandon Micheal Hall) gets an unusual message from his friend Rakesh (Suraj Sharma).

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Modern Family (ABC)

Phil Dunphy: “How do you get a mean girl to stop being a mean girl? Be mean girlier.”

— Phil (Ty Burrell) after watching the movie Mean Girls and realizing he has a ‘mean girl’ in his life.

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Bob’s Burgers (Fox)

Tina Belcher: “I’m not boy-crazy. I’m boy-focused.”

— During the show’s 150th episode, Tina (voice of Dan Mintz) takes her teenage antics to the next level.

Erica Parise/SHOWTIME

Kidding (Showtime)

Jeff: “Hate doesn’t punish who you think it does.”

— Jeff Pickles (Jim Carrey) when his son Will (Cole Allen) asks whether he hates the man who killed his other son in a car wreck.


This Is Us (NBC)

William: “We have each other. We have this place. That’s not nothing. That’s not nothing at all.”

— William (Ron Cephas Jones) taking a trip down memory lane on his 5th year sober anniversary.

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Maniac (Netflix)

Oliver Hightower: “My mind is playing tricks.”

— Ollie (Jonah Hill) spots a lavishly-dressed Arlie Kane (Emma Stone) on a dark path as he pulls up to the Full Moon Seance.


The Good Doctor (ABC)

Dr. Shaun Murphy: “Excellent. I’ve been practicing lying. I lied to you before when I said I just wanted to get out of my apartment and to work.”

— Dr. Murphy (Freddie Highmore) when Dr. Melendez (Nicholas Gonzalez) tells him to lie to a patient.

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Happy Together (CBS)

Donna: “I was making smoothies for us this morning, and I realized I didn’t have enough vodka so I ran out to the store to get another case and I see this — my daughter cheating on her husband with the singer of my favorite workout music.”

— Donna (Stephnie Weir) to Claire (Amber Stevens West) and Jake (Damon Wayans Jr.) when the tabloids think Claire is having an affair with teen pop star Cooper James (Felix Mallard).

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American Horror Story/FX

American Horror Story: Apocalypse (FX)

Myrtle Snow: “The world is almost as bad as his dinner jacket, but at least the world can be saved.”

— Myrtle (Frances Conroy) takes a dig at Michael Langdon (Cody Fern).

Guy D'Alema/FOX

The Gifted (Fox)

Caitlin: “Don’t you dare give into despair. It will eat you alive.”

— Caitlin (Amy Acker) respondes when Marcos (Sean Teale) mentions the potential of a war starting.

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From the series premiere of CBS’s Happy Together to Jim Carrey’s new hit series Kidding on Showtime, here are the can’t-miss lines from this week on TV.

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