Best Lines of the Week (April 14-20): ‘Death Comes for All of Us’
Extra! Extra! Hot off the presses are our best lines from television this week, featuring silly autocorrections, a thwarted elopement on Riverdale, and the winner of Season 15 of RuPaul’s Drag Race.
Abbott Elementary ended its second season with an overnight trip to the Franklin Institute, where Ava (Janelle James) alerted the students to her theories on aliens and Melissa (Lisa Ann Walter) schooled a young volunteer tour guide on Philly history. As for the moment we’d all been waiting for: Just as the slow burn relationship between Janine (Quinta Brunson) and Gregory (Tyler James Williams) was finally addressed, both decided to stay friends. With Abbott already renewed for a third season, we are not giving up hope on the couple!
Also, the first three episodes of the fifth and final season of Prime Video‘s The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel dropped April 14. If there’s one thing about Maisel, it’s that every character speaks a mile a minute, but there was some time in between the witticisms for Abe (Tony Shalhoub) to offer his grandson some sage (if not, macabre) advice.
Curious for more? Keep scrolling to read more of our favorite lines from TV this week!
The Great American Joke Off (The CW)
“I find autocorrect on my phone is always super off. Have you experienced that? If you ask me, this smartphone is not so smart. It’s pretty duckin’ stupid, honestly.”
— Comedian Moshe Kasher says what we’re all thinking about autocorrect.
NCIS: Los Angeles (CBS)
Fatima: “Well, technically, they found it in the lake. But water levels are so low that you could see it from a trail.”
Deeks: “I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but thank God for climate change. Nope, that still feels wrong.”
— After the car of a missing woman in a decades-old cold case is discovered in a lake, Deeks (Eric Christian Olsen) expresses relief at potentially solving the case in a questionable way.
Abbott Elementary (ABC)
Janine: “Kissing you was giving you nothing?”
Gregory: “You called it a whoops.”
Janine: “You could have said it wasn’t a whoops.”
Gregory: “Look, I didn’t think it was an accident or a mistake. Besides, you started dating Maurice. We were both all over the place. But we’re here… Now.”
— Janine and Gregory finally confess their feelings to each other, but … the slow burn continues.
Riverdale (The CW)
“Arch, there’s a difference between saving someone and loving someone.”
— Betty (Lili Reinhart) tells Archie (KJ Apa) to rethink his plans to elope with Cheryl (Madelaine Petsch) just to get her away from her malignant family, the Blossoms.
Bob’s Burgers (FOX)
“He was probably a tech billionaire or an ambassador or an influencer. They all eat food sometimes, right?”
— Gene (voiced by Eugene Mirman) imagines the occupation of the person who left a $100 gift card as a tip.
RuPaul's Drag Race (MTV)
“I love a good manifestation moment. So, I’m seeing my own TV show, I’m seeing acting, I’m seeing music. All thanks to this show.”
— After her performance of her original song “GODDESS,” Sasha Colby manifests her success and anticipates her status as the Season 15 winner.
Succession (HBO)
“The negative case would go: You’re a clumsy interloper and no one trusts you, the only guy pulling for you is dead, and now, you’re just married to the ex-boss’ daughter. And she doesn’t even like you. And you are fair and squarely f**ked.”
— Framing it under the guise of being ‘a friend,’ CFO Karl Muller (David Rasche) brutally tells Tom (Matthew Macfadyen) the board’s case against him becoming the interim CEO for Waystar Royco.
Saturday Night Live (NBC)
“This has been a magical year. Not only was I nominated for an Oscar, but in three weeks, I’m gonna officially become an American citizen.”
— Host Ana de Armas reflects on the amazing year she is having during her opening monologue.
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (Prime Video)
“And though your mommy and your daddy and possibly even your therapist mean well by making you think that sleeping on the floor is a mark of being a big, brave boy, your grandpa is here to tell you death comes for all of us, even the brave. Now, would you like me to read you a bedtime story?”
— Abe tries to convince his grandson Ethan (Colin Keane) to sleep in his own bed by being frank about the inevitability of death.
Yellowjackets (Showtime)
“You can drop the whole thing now, OK? You’re one of those Yellowjackets obsessives. And I’m honored that I seem to be your favorite Yellowjacket, but I am not telling you anything about what happened out there.”
— Misty (Christina Ricci) confronts Walter (Elijah Wood) about why he is so interested in her, considering she and the remaining Yellowjackets have become the fascination of conspiracists for the traumatic experience they endured as teenagers.
Not Dead Yet (ABC)
Lexi: “How are you so comfortable with leading such a garbage life?”
Nell: “OK, you can go ahead and leave.”
Lexi: “I mean it as a compliment. You’re so open and vulnerable, despite having nothing to be proud of.”
— Lexi (Lauren Ash) tries to ask Nell (Gina Rodriguez) how she is so comfortable being honest with other people.
