Best Lines on TV This Week (Feb. 17 – Feb. 23): ‘I think I’m on the waitlist for heaven, but they’re not returning my calls’

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Tina Rowden/FOX

Sleepy Hollow

“I marvel at these wondrous items. Dolls that speak, robots that transform, putty that… is silly. In my day, all we had to entertain ourselves was a wooden hoop and a stick. And woe the day the stick broke.”

– Ichabod Crane (Tom Mison) at the toy store with Diana (Janina Gavankar).

This Is Us, Ron Cephas
Ron Batzdorff/NBC

This Is Us

“Thank you. For doing what I couldn’t. For raising him to be the man he is. I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to meet you, brother. I would have liked to have heard that laugh. I would have liked to have met my son’s father.”

– William (Ron Cephas Jones) speaking to at Jack Pearson’s (Milo Ventimiglia) grave.

Kelsey McNeal/ABC

Fresh Off the Boat

“Because sometimes I need our conversations to move along, Honey. Do you know how long they would take if I had to stop you every time I didn’t understand a word you used? “Venting,” “closure,” “Clinique.””

– Jessica after she reveals that she doesn’t understand what Honey means by she’s just venting.

Bates Motel
Joe Lederer/A&E

Bates Motel

Norman: “Oh, Mother, what is wrong with you?”
Norma: “What is wrong with me? Well, let me see, for, uh… Let’s see, for starters, I am dead. And why am I pretending to be dead? So I could get away from everyone and everything that could distract me from you, okay?

Norman: “I know that, and I appreciate it.”

Norma: “You appreciate it? Appreciate, like I baked you a coffee cake or something?”

– Norman (Freddie Highmore) arguing with his dead mother Norma (Vera Farmiga).

Big Little Lies, Reese Witherspoon
Hilary Bronwyn Gayle/courtesy of HBO

Big Little Lies

Madeline: “Well, speaking of Bonnie, do you know what she did today? She signed a petition to stop our production of “Avenue Q.”

Abigail: “Is this the play where the puppets drop the F-bombs?”

Chloe: “Cool!”

Madeline: “It is not only not about that, but it’s actually a play that you should see because it deals with the struggle of young adults being disillusioned with life, feeling demoralized and defrauded by the false promises of tomorrow.”
Abigail: “I can get all that here.”

– Madeline (Reese Witherspoon) and her daughters Abigail (Kathryn Newton) and Chloe (Darby Camp) discuss her upcoming school production of “Avenue Q” at the dinner table.

Phillippe Bosse/ABC

The Bachelor

“She wants to show me what an ordinary day looks like to Corinne, which is a very unordinary day to literally everyone else.”

– Nick Viall as contestant Corinne takes him shopping for a sweatsuit worth over $3,000.

Chris Wood
Bob Mahoney/The CW

The Vampire Diaries

“I think I’m on the waitlist for heaven, but they’re not returning my calls.”

– Kai (Chris Wood) to Damon (Ian Somerhalder) after escaping hell.

Richard Cartwright/ABC

How to Get Away with Murder

“He felt like my son…”

– Annalise Keating (Viola Davis) giving us all the feels as she talks about what Wes meant to her, just as we find out who killed him in the show’s season finale.

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