Best Lines on TV This Week (Feb. 10 – Feb. 16): ‘Since When Are You Fillory Clinton?’

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The Vampire Diaries
Annette Brown/The CW

The Vampire Diaries

Stefan: “I just wanted to say thank you for saving my life.”

Damon: “No, that? It’s no big deal. I do that cause it’s Tuesday.”

– Damon (Ian Somerhalder) and Stefan (Paul Wesley) after Damon saves Stefan’s life from Cade…again.

Vandepump Rules - Season 5, linesoftheweek2.17
Tyler Kaufman/Bravo

Vanderpump Rules

“Getting marriage advice from Scheana is like getting sobriety advice from Shay—kinda pointless.”

– Jax Taylor savagely burning two of his friends as Scheana tries to mediate the tension between soon-to-be bride and groom Katie and Tom.

Tina Rowden/FOX

Sleepy Hollow

“The force of the blast tore Franklin’s lantern from Miss Jenny’s grasp, but, as always, Lieutenant, we secured a strong victory. And what else is new with the world? A Hogwarts theme park has opened. I have ordered a metric ton of Ravenclaw attire from the Internet. Uh, Mr. Robert Zimmerman has a fine new studio album. As for your New York Metropolitans, this year they have a fierce rivalry with those grizzly Cubs of Chicago.”

– Ichabod Crane (Tom Mison) to Abbie’s grave after him and the gang take down Malcolm Dreyfuss (Jeremy Davies).

LEGION, linesoftheweek2.17
Michelle Faye/FX


Drug dealer: “I look like a guy who needs a stove?”
Lenny: “You know how in baseball they say, ‘So-and-so’s a utility player?’ The stove is the utility player of the modern home. You know, you can cook with it, you can heat a room with it. You can read by it. Some of your finer poets even knocked themselves off with the old head-in-the-oven scenario.”
Drug dealer: “You saying I should kill myself?”
Lenny: “Dude. Look, I don’t, um, care what you do with it. I’m just trying to trade a kitchen range for some drugs.”

– Lenny (Aubrey Plaza) tries to make a difficult exchange.

THE MIDDLE, linesoftheweek2.17
Michael Ansell/ABC

The Middle

“Guys, trust me, I am a business major who attended nearly half his classes. What we have here is something the French call ‘leverage’.”

– Axl (Charlie McDermott) trying to take advantage of his parents feeling bad about being horrible parents.

Girls - Lena Dunham
Mark Schafer/HBO


“I give zero f–ks about anything, yet I have a strong opinion about everything—even topics I’m not informed on!”

– Hannah (Lena Dunham), describing herself incredibly well to a potential employer (Chelsea Peretti).

Jason Bell/Syfy

The Magicians

“Since when are you Fillory Clinton?”

– Eliot (Hale Appleman) to his High Queen Margo (Summer Bishil) after she reality-checks him on his mismanaging of Fillory as High King.

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