Best Lines on TV This Week: ‘I’m Done Protecting Britney Spears!’

Jane the Virgin - Britney Spears
The CW
Jane The Virgin -- "Chapter Twenty-Seven" -- Image Number: JAV205c_0274.jpg -- Pictured (L-R): Jaime Camil as Rogelio and Britney Spears -- Photo: Greg Gayne/The CW -- © 2015 The CW Network, LLC. All rights reserved.

Jane the Virgin

“I’m done protecting Britney Spears!”
— Rogelio (Jaime Camil) is ready to bring up his long-standing feud with the pop star

“Britney’s fans may be stronger in numbers, but nobody has the passion of a Rogelifan!”
— Rogelio explains why quality is always better than quantity

“I go by Jon Snow now. Because, like him, I watch the wall.”
— Xo’s (Andrea Navedo) ex-boyfriend Zed reveals the reason behind his new name

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Peralta: “When is sinkhole season?”
Lohank: “It’s been going on for, like, 20 years now. It’s kind of like a Game of Thrones winter.”
Detective Lohank’s (Matt Walsh) description is surprisingly apt

“I did some research on amicable breakups. I visited “ Do you know that site?”
Captain Holt (Andre Braugher) gets really specific with his website URLs. (And, yes, Holt actually read the whole URL out loud. Sadly, that specific URL leads nowhere, but is amazing.)

Ash vs. Evil Dead

“Never killed my boss before, so that was new.”
— Ash (Bruce Campbell) makes a quip about killing his Deadite boss

Fresh Off the Boat

“I wouldn’t joke about that. I saw that happen to a French boy in a documentary. Flew right into the sun.”
— Jessica (Constance Wu) doesn’t like Louis (Randall Park) getting too carried away by balloons because she’s sure The Red Balloon was a documentary

Doctor Who

“You know I’m 2,000 years old? I’m old enough to be your Messiah!”
— The Doctor (Peter Capaldi) isn’t afraid to throw his age around

Osgood: “The TARDIS. … What does it stand for?”
The Doctor: “What? You’re kidding me? Surely you know that?”
Osgood: “I’ve heard a couple of different versions.”
The Doctor: “I made it up from the initials. It stands for “Totally And Radically Driving In Space.”
— The Doctor is surprised by Osgood’s (Ingrid Oliver) question

The Librarians

“I have an irrational fear of ravioli.”
— Cassandra Killian (Lindy Booth) is a woman of many interesting layers (and phobias)


Liv: “You look like me going to see NSYNC when I was 10. Is this guy a big deal?”
Clive: “Not one week ago you were dissecting the triangle offense, and now you know nothing about one of the greatest players of his gen.”
— Clive (Malcom Goodwin) lampshades Liv’s (Rose McIver) radical change in behavior (and knowledge) from week to week


“When I was at Harvard they actually taught us how to work the phrase ‘When I was at Harvard’ into sentences.”
— Josh (Jeff Meacham) talks about his college experience

“Nancy specializes in making one character happily settle for another character who is clearly wrong for them.”
— Junior (Marcus Scribner) knows his Nancy Meyers movie tropes

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

“His name should be a search term on porn sites.”
Paula (Donna Lynne Champlin) finds a way to creatively describe how attractive she finds Greg (Santino Fontana)

The Flash

“Oh, hey, if we’re gonna be The Flash’s sidekicks, we should probably join CrossFit or something, you know?”
— Iris (Candice Patton) jokes with Linda (Malese Jow) after she discovers that Barry is the Flash


“I really want to pray right now, but all I can think of is Joan Osbourne lyrics.”
— Shelby (Johanna Brady) is kind of cool under fire

The Goldbergs

I thought we’d skip ‘Sit’ and go to the important stuff, like how to grind some rails and solve crimes.”
Barry (Troy Gentile) might have lofty expectations of what his dog can accomplish


Waitress: “How can you eat sticky buns for breakfast every day and stay so thin?”
Kara: “I’m an alien.”
— Kara (Melissa Benoist) reveals her secret for staying in shape

Kara: “She’s like a super interviewing villain.”
Winn: “That is literally the most boring power ever.”
— Kara and Winn (Jeremy Jordan) debate Cat’s (Calista Flockhart) interviewing prowess

Master of None

“Is Mindy Kaling real?”
— Anush’s (Gerrard Lobo) world is shattered after finding out that Fisher Stevens is not a real Indian actor

The Mindy Project

“Why would I pay for private school when public school is free? Why else am I sometimes paying my taxes?”
— Mindy (Mindy Kaling) has some questionable practices

“Doesn’t he want Leo to go to the Immaculate Academy of the Sacred Meatball or whatever?”
— Tamra (Xosha Rocquemore) nails how Italian American Danny can be


The Grinder