TV's Best Lines This Week: Elementary Tries Relationship Repair, Grey's Invents All-New Euphemisms
Joan: "I thought a spoonful of sugar might help."
Sherlock: "I always found a crowbar works better."
—Holmes (Jonny Lee Miller) has a different idea for what might mend Watson's (Lucy Liu) relationship with her mom.
"Life's too short to be scared. So screw the gap. Let Ethan razz your berries, goose your gander, tickle your tail feathers, cup your coconuts, rock your rump, poke your hontas, wallop your wonderland!"
—Callie (Sara Ramirez) pep talks a sexually-deprived Maggie (Kelly McCreary).
The Last Man on Earth
"You drive me crazy, you don't get my jokes, you correct my grammar, you talk and talk and talk and talk, and you pester me worse than my mother!"
—Phil (Will Forte) coaxes Carol (Kristen Schaal) to be his bride with his own version of smooth talk.
2 Broke Girls
"You know, you're just my type of guy. You don't care about my drug use and you're already here."
—Max (Kat Dennings) thinks the FBI agent who isn't interested in her contraband during an evacuation might have potential.
The Vampire Diaries
"Elena, I shut off my humanity. I didn't turn into an idiot. The last thing I want to do is give you a reason to ruin my life."
—Caroline (Candice Accola) decides to turn off her "humanity" switch for a year to see what it's like as a non-feeling vampire.
Better Call Saul
"So what happened? The mayor didn't give you enough stickers?"
—Jimmy (Bob Odenkirk) gets a dig in at parking lot attendant Mike (Jonathan Banks), whose own insistence on sticker validation sent Jimmy into a rage in the pilot episode.
"You know how God made man in his image? I'm making Hakeem into my image. God didn't need no help — and neither do I."
—Lucious (Terrence Howard) wants obstacles like Camilla (Naomi Campbell) out of Hakeem's (Bryshere Gray) life.
"If I were a judge in the Olympics … I would not have clapped, I would not have stood up ... I would have sat here silently and given you a 10."
—Harry Connick Jr is blown away by 16-year-old Tyanna Jones