The Quotable Tommy Norris: The ‘Landman’ Lead’s Best Quotes (So Far)
Love him or hate him, there’s no denying that Tommy Norris (Billy Bob Thornton) is a world-class wordslinger. The modern-day cowboy is responsible for some of Landman‘s most indelible zingers so far, whether it’s waxing poetic in defense of the oil industry or reacting to the wild, wild antics of his ex-wife-turned-current-flame Angela (Ali Larter) or talking down a mortal foe.
Below, we’re celebrating the most memorable monologues that the landman himself has delivered in the show’s first two seasons … with hopes there’s so much more to come when the show returns for Season 3.
TV Guide Magazine’s Cowboys: From the Wild West to the New West Special Issue is available for order online now at Cowboys.TVGM2026.com, and for purchase on newsstands nationwide.
“She don’t need experience with offshore drilling. She needs experience with bulls**tting.”
Tommy defending Rebecca’s reputation — as a lawyer, at least — to Nathan (Colm Feore)
“You’re driving me to suck freon out the back of an A/C unit. I’m settling for a cigarette.”
One of the many ways Tommy expresses his vintage frustration with Angela
“Our whole lives depend on [petroleum]…. Your cellphone case, artificial heart valves. Any kind of clothing that’s not made with animal or plant fibers. Soap, f**king hand lotion, garbage bags, fishing boats. You name it. Every f**king thing. And you know what the kicker is? We’re gonna run out of it before we find its replacement.”
If Tommy ever felt guilty about shilling for big oil, that day is long gone; here, he explains exactly why.
“Well, wish in one hand, s**t in the other, see which one fills up first.”
It’s an old expression, but one Tommy delivers it in signature fashion—with a bag over his head after being kidnapped and threatened by Jimenez (Alex Meraz), head of a local drug cartel looking to scare him.
“You know what I realized? What a gift it is to have you back in my life. You’re a beautiful tornado of a gift, honey, and I know I damn sure don’t deserve it.”
It took almost two whole seasons, but Tommy finally showed some gratitude for Angela coming back to him.
“A bunch of pissed-off millionaires bitching about how much they hate millionaires and Trump and men and you and me and everybody else they got a bee up their ass about. It’s pretty funny…. Well, it ain’t ‘joke’ funny; it’s like ‘fart in church’ funny.”
Let’s just say Tommy is no fan of The View.
“You don’t need a license to carry concealed in this state. That’s why we all wave at each other when we drive. ’Cause everybody’s f**king armed.”
Educating lawyer Rebecca Falcone (Kayla Wallace) about how the Second Amendment works in Texas… and why Southern manners are a thing
“I quit drinking. I’ll stick with beer…. It’s a Michelob Ultra. There’s more alcohol in orange juice.”
Tommy boasting of his unique journey toward sobriety
“You think our ancestors had breakfast? You think cavemen sat around a f**king fire eating waffles? No, I guarantee you. If they ate breakfast at all, it was probably bone marrow and an impala they dried out over a fire. I guarantee you they didn’t have cornflakes.”
Tommy’s answer to a waitress who, innocently enough, suggested breakfast is the most important meal of the day
“You f**ked with the wrong hillbilly. I’m going to take 30 years of your life away from you, and if you ever come back to this place, I’m going to take the rest of it.”
Revenge isn’t a dish best served cold for Tommy Norris; instead, he’s piping hot when he delivers this bit of justice to the men who attacked his son, Cooper (Jacob Lofland).
Conversation
Please read the TV Insider Community Guidelines.
Register or sign in to join the conversation.
Watchlist Easy access to only the shows you care about — all in one simple place
Alerts Only important notifications — when a show is returning, when it becomes available to stream, and more.
Special Offers Exclusive products we release related to your favorite shows and streaming services