Cyber Monday: TV Characters' Tales of Shopping Gone Wrong

THE GOLDEN GIRLS

“Have Yourself a Very Little Christmas” (Season 5, Episode 12), Amazon Video, Hulu

Kvetchy senior Dorothy (Bea Arthur) can’t deal with the Christmas crowds — or gift-buyers’ take-no-prisoners tactics — in Miami’s 103-degree heat. “I cannot believe a person would push a perfect stranger out of the way, step on her hand and give her an elbow to the forehead, just for a Batman hat,” she says. “But I did it anyway.”

NCIS

“Silent Night” (Season 6, Episode 11), Amazon Video, CBS All Access, Netflix

While Gibbs (Mark Harmon) and the team investigate a Christmastime double homicide, forensics guru Abby (Pauley Perrette) stresses over her shopping list. “What do you get for the guy that has nothing and wants nothing?!” she says of her stoic boss. At least she gives him a peck under the mistletoe! Miss you, Abby.

SMALLVILLE

“Spell” (Season 4, Episode 8), Amazon Video, Hulu

Buyer beware: After Lana Lang (Kristin Kreuk) maxes out her credit card purchasing an ancient spell book on eBay, she becomes possessed by a witch. In the trance,she even tries to kiss Clark Kent (Tom Welling)! Since when did black magic become part of Superman lore?

UP ALL NIGHT

“New Car” (Season 1, Episode 4), NBC.com, Amazon Video

A convertible isn’t practical for new parents, so Reagan (Christina Applegate) and Chris (Will Arnett) peruse the web for a mom-mobile. A few glasses of vino later, she bids on — and wins — a tricked-out retro van. “Now I know what it’s like to drive a haunted house,” she quips in one of many witty one-liners.

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE

“Yippie Kayak” (Season 3, Episode 10), Amazon Video, Hulu

In this delirious tribute to Die Hard, a bunch of robbers hold up a department store right before Christmas. That means NYPD Det. Jake Peralta (Andy Samberg), who’s stuck inside, finally gets to live his dream and pull a John McClane. No matter that the bad guys are Canadian (ha!) — he is ready and willing to take ’em on.

LOST IN SPACE

“The Android Machine” (Season 2, Episode 7) Amazon Video< Hulu

Here’s a fun 1966 version of future-world shopping: On a random planet, Dr. Smith (Jonathan Harris) stumbles across a massive vending machine — and accidentally orders a female android that caters to his every need. When she’s not giving her shifty owner a foot bath, she bonds with the Robinson kids. Can they keep her? #outerspaceproblems