Best Lines of the Week (October 12-19): 'What If the Person Who Died Was the One That Cooked?'

Happy Together (CBS)

Cooper (Felix Mallard): “I get it. You know, back when I was Fat Cooper, I threw a tizzy when my parents polly-wogged my Tim Tams in the bin”

Jake (Damon Wayans Jr.): “I don’t know what you just said”

— Things get dramatic for Jake when Cooper throws away his junk food in attempt to help him eat healthier

Bob’s Burgers (Fox)

“And then everybody was staring like they’d never seen three kids holding a crying man down, shoving money in his pants”

— Louise (Kristen Schaal) recalling a hilarious “off-screen” moment with Teddy (Larry Murphy) after convincing him not to invest in their business scheme

The Good Place (NBC)

“I’m gonna eat all this chili… and/or die trying”

— Chidi (William Jackson Harper) prepares a gross bowl of chili for his students as he goes through a crisis

Modern Family (ABC)

Phil: “She’s ghosting you?”

Dylan: “For an older dude, you always
kept up with the lingo”

Phil: “Word”

— Phil impressing daughter Haley’s boyfriend with his modern millennial lingo

The Conners (ABC)

Harris (Emma Kenney): “What if the person who died was the only one that cooked?”

Dan (John Goodman): “Then we keep telling people we’re grieving until we figure out to feed ourselves”

— the Conner family grieving the loss of matriarch Roseanne while living off of an influx of consolation casseroles

This Is Us (NBC)

“I wonder if everything would make more sense if you looked at things in reverse? Like if you started at the end, and moved backward and tried to figure out how you got there”

— Jack’s little brother Nicky (Michael Angarano) sharing his woes, and alluding to the show’s habit of jumping timelines

Murphy Brown (CBS)

“I’m kind of known as the, uh, Tweet Raider … Like Tomb Raider, but with tweets!”

— Pat Patel (Nik Dodani) promising to dig up Ed Shannon’s old tweets

Real Housewives of Orange County (Bravo)

“I think I’m allergic to Jamaica”

— Vicky Gunvalson, after breaking out in numerous rashes during the girl gang’s trip to Jamaica

Big Mouth (Netflix)

“My dad is not a man, he is a one-star Yelp review come to life”

— Andrew Glouberman (John Mulaney) telling his classmates about his father, Marty (Richard Kind)

Black-ish (ABC)

Junior (Marcus Scribner): “For the record, Malia Obama took a gap year”

Dre (Anthony Anderson): “You are not Malia Obama, fool!”

— Dre and Junior argue over whether Junior should take a gap year before starting college