Best Lines on TV This Week: 'A Movie Based on a Comic Book? Sounds Like a Dreadful Idea.'
Our weekly round-up of best quips, quotes and quick bits of dialogue from the latest episodes.
Marvel’s Agent Carter
“A movie based on a comic book? Sounds like a dreadful idea.”
— Peggy Carter (Hayley Atwell) gets ironically meta while critiquing Howard Stark’s (Dominic Cooper) movie
— Agent Carter (@AgentCarterTV) January 27, 2016
— Jarvis (James D'Arcy) doesn't realize he'll become Tony Stark's most-trusted "sidekick" in the future
Tad: "Do you miss it at all? The X-Files?"
Scully: "As a scientist, it was probably some of the most intense and challenging work I've ever done. I've never felt so alive."
Tad: "You mean working with Mulder?"
Scully: "Possibly one of the most intense and challenging relationships I may ever have. And, quite honestly, the most impossible."
— Scully (Gillian Anderson) confesses the equal challenges of working The X-Files and starting a relationship with Mulder (David Duchovny) to Tad O’Malley (Joel McHale)
Mulder: "Here's someone he talked to every night. 'Gupta.'"
Scully: "Dr. Sanjay is from western India. Gupta's a Marathi word. It means 'secret.'"
Mulder: "How do you know that?"
Scully: "I'm old-school, Mulder. Pre-Google."
— Scully reveals her hard-earned extensive knowledge from before Google days
Murphy: "Let me remind you, Agents Mulder and Scully, dissemination of any classified material, either internally or publically, will be dealt with harshly."
Mulder: "I'm familiar with Edward Snowden."
— Mulder shows he understands a not-so-veiled threat
"Men and their lies ... Desire is the devil's pitchfork."
— Sister Mary (Christine Willes) shares her belief that men lead to no good things
Scully: "Is this what you believe happened to me 15 years ago? When I got pregnant, when I had my baby? Was I just an incubator?"
Mulder: "You're never 'just' anything to me, Scully."
— Mulder shares a tender thought about Scully
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"It's good to be aware the world is inherently unfair. Act accordingly."
— Margo (Summer Bishil) schools Quentin Coldwater (Jason Ralph) on life
"We all signed this waiver. Hope you read yours. It says, spellwork is not unlikely to murder you and if so, oh well."
— Eliot (Hale Appleman) nonchalantly explains magic can cost students their lives
"How about I find you, and I don't say magic is real but I do seduce you and so lift your spirits that life retains its sparkles for decades."
— Eliot tries to cheer up Quentin about possibly getting expelled and having his memories erased
“Mama is an old intriguer. She will use tears or terror with equal facility.”
— Lord Grantham (Hugh Bonneville) reveals the Dowager Countess’s guilt trip tactics
Dowager Countess: “Mary needs more than a handsome smile and a hand on the gear stick.”
Lord Grantham: “I'm surprised you know what a gear stick is.”
Dowager Countess: “I know more than you think.”
— Dowager Countess (Maggie Smith) and Lord Grantham discuss Lady Mary’s (Michelle Dockery) potential race car-driving beau...while using some (unintended?) double entendres
Lord Grantham: “...Please don't let Mama pull you into the fight.”
Dowager Countess: “Really, Robert? You paint me as such a schemer.”
Lord Grantham: “No-one has sharper eyes than a loving son.”
— Lord Grantham is not averse to pointing out his mother’s faults
Lady Mary: “Do you know, I couldn't be less interested in cars if I took a pill to achieve it.”
Lord Talbot: “Well, that's because you haven't been taught about them. Properly.”
— Lady Mary and Lord Talbot (Matthew Goode) flirt with more possible double entendres
Pretty Little Liars
Hanna: “This is so not relaxing.”
Spencer: “Hanna, the police didn’t ask us to stick around to exfoliate. There are going to be questions.”
— Spencer (Troian Bellisario) scolds Hanna (Ashley Benson) for trying to enjoy their spa day while the other girls talk about the newest mystery to hit Rosewood.
“He’d better not be pulling a Juliet. Yeah, that’s right. I see plays.”
— Cisco (Carlos Valdes) recalls some Shakespeare while the team determines how The Turtle died while in their holding cell.
2 Broke Girls
Max: "We got a marriage proposal in the diner. Where they gonna honeymoon—a PortaPotty?"
Earl: "That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever seen and I was at a Rolling Stones concert last night."
— Max (Kat Dennings) and Earl (Garrett Morris) agree proposing in the diner is...not ideal
"Earl! One of my dreams is to hear you play live. And the other one already happened—breakfast all day at McDonald’s."
— Max reacts to hearing that Earl’s former jazz band has been invited to play at a jazz club
Jane the Virgin
Luisa: "Are you trying to use the fact that I like you to try and get me to trust you?"
Susanna: "A little bit, yes."
— Det. Susanna Barnett (Megan Ketch) tries to get Luisa (Yara Martinez) to remember her drug-smuggling mother.
Rafael: "What do you want?"
Petra: "For my last meal?"
Rafael: "No, for dinner."
— Poor Petra’s (Yael Goblas) been starving herself in anticipation of the plea deal she’s offered, but Rafael (Justin Baldoni) doesn’t believe she’s going to prison.
Mike: "I actually never said I’d confess. I said I’d talk.'
Anita: "You did say you’d confess."
Mike: "Oh. Maybe I did, but then again, I also asked to see my lawyer at 9:03. It’s two hours later and I still haven’t been able to do that, which means anything that I’ve said between then and now is not only inadmissable, it’s also evidence you violated my rights."
Anita: "Oh I get it. You just wanted to get that on tape."
Mike: "Sure did."
— Mike (Patrick J. Adams) out-lawyers the real lawyer trying to prosecute him for fraud
Jessica: "You weren’t just out for yourself."
Louis: "But, I was out for myself, Jessica. Donna showed me that."
Jessica: "Are you saying you were after my job?"
Louis: "Of course I wasn’t. But, who the hell am I kidding, you know? I mean, I’m not Frodo. Once I got that ring of power, we all know it would have consumed me."
— Louis (Rick Hoffman) predicting what would have happened if he took Jessica’s (Gina Torres) job to save the firm
Jessica: "You may not be Frodo, but you are Samwise Gamgee."
Louis: "Get the eff out! You read Lord of the Rings?"
Jessica: "Four times. I mean, it is about power."
— More Lord of the Rings references about the aim to gain more power
Man Seeking Woman
Liz: "I’m Liz, by the way. Liz Greenberg."
Santa: "Wait a minute. You’re not, Elizabeth Greenberg, from Evanston?"
Liz: "Yes, I am. How did you know that?"
Santa: 1994. You requested a graphing calculator. You don’t often forget a gift like that. Not in a sea of My Little Ponys.
— The sparks are flying while Santa and Liz (Britt Lower) hit it off when he accidentally shows up in her house on Christmas Eve in Man Seeking Woman’s special "Woman Seeking Man" episode.
“Obviously, don't have sex with any of the customers, but if a man is under the impression, however misguided, that the more he buys, the less impossible it might be that he could have sex with you, well, that's on him.”
— Amy (America Ferrera) is all too eager to be the winning team in Cloud 9’s annual Color Wars
“Okay, look... money's a little tight for me right now. So maybe $100 doesn't mean that much to you, but some of us could really use it. So can you please start selling people crap they don't need?”
— Amy really, really wants to win the Color Wars prize
You, Me, and the Apocalypse
Mom: "It’s been seven years, Jamie [since the disappearance of his wife]. Time to let go."
Jamie: "And did you ever stop to think that maybe I like my rut? Maybe I like having a routine? I don’t want any more surprises in my life. I like knowing exactly what’s gonna happen—" [police officer shoves Jamie up against the glass wall of his office]
Officer: "Shut it, s--tface. Jamie Winton, I’m arresting you on 484 separate charges of bank robbery, identity theft, and international cyber terrorism."
— Jamie's (Mathew Baynton) life may not be in much of a rut anymore...
Kara: "I know you think your mom is this heartless, narcissistic monster..."
Adam: "Your words..."
Kara: "Some days, I do too. But when you get past that, there's this inspiring person in there. A hero."
Adam: "You talk about her like she's Supergirl."
— Kara (Melissa Benoist) gets really honest about Cat's (Calista Flockhart) qualities to her son, Adam (Blake Jenner)
— Galavant (@GalavantABC) January 25, 2016
— Isabella’s dad (Stanley Townsend) explains why she’s on her own in this whole war thing.
— Galavant (@GalavantABC) January 25, 2016
— Madelena (Mallory Jansen) gets worried when Isabella (Karen David) claims that the prophesied One True King is in her possession.
Our lip ends are twisting up at the thought of reliving this perfect Gareth moment! https://t.co/m9rujuefSz
— Galavant (@GalavantABC) January 27, 2016
— Gareth (Vinnie Jones) gets into the Disney spirit singing his love-filled heart out
— Telenovela (@nbctelenovela) January 26, 2016
— Gael (Jose Moreno Brooks) gets really excited about Ana Sofia's (Eva Longoria) love life