‘General Hospital’ Star Maurice Benard Contemplated Suicide Amid Bipolar Battle
The Doctor Is In
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General Hospital actor Maurice Benard hit an emotional low during the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic, revealing in a new interview that he thought “every day” about ending his life.
The actor, who plays mobster Sonny Corinthos on the ABC soap, tells People he was hospitalized for bipolar disorder when he was 22 and has been living with that condition for nearly 40 years now.
When lockdowns were ordered, General Hospital production went dark for four months, and his book tour for his memoir Nothing General About It: How Love (and Lithium) Saved Me On and Off General Hospital was postponed during the pandemic, Benard’s mental health suffered.
Gregg DeGuire/Getty Images
“I ‘got it’ but thought in my mind, ‘It’s the end of the world, too,’” the actor tells People, recalling that time. “I felt a real cold rush in me. And then that night I was shaking like a fish out of water and crying like a baby. This had never happened in my life. [Wife] Paula’s on the bed and I’m like, ‘Baby, I’m done. What’s going on with me?’ In a calm voice, she says, ‘Honey, you’re fine. You’re gonna be fine.’ And I’m like, ‘What the f–k what do you mean. I’m gonna be fine?’ I was stuck in this horrific panic that wouldn’t leave.”
Amid that dark time, Benard launched the podcast State of Mind and went on a virtual book tour via Zoom, but his crisis continued. “What I really wanted to say was, ‘I’m gonna die. Can somebody please save me?’” he says. “It wouldn’t go away. And it was bad. … I just did everything that I possibly could to survive.”
Ultimately, Benard opted against suicide, thinking of his family and the State of Mind viewers who’d be affected.
“Somebody asked me why I think I have bipolar disorder, and I said, ‘I always believed that God wanted me to suffer so I can prevent other people from suffering,” he says. “That’s the key to me, opening up to you right now as deep as I can. Because I know other people are listening.”
The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is a hotline for individuals in crisis or for those looking to help someone else. To speak with a trained listener, call 988. Visit 988lifeline.org for crisis chat services or for more information.
