‘Love Is Blind’: Nancy & Bartise Reflect on Their Emotional Abortion Debate
Spoiler Alert
[Warning: The following contains MAJOR spoilers for Love Is Blind Season 3 Episodes 5-7.]
The second batch of episodes of Love Is Blind Season 3 dropped on October 26 on Netflix, and Episodes 6 and 7 contain a timely but discomforting conversation about abortion between Nancy Rodriguez and Bartise Bowden.
Nancy was 31 at the time of filming, and Bartise was 25. Kids were a frequent topic between the pair in the pods. They bonded over wanting a bunch of kids, with Nancy saying she ideally wants 10 and Bartise loving that prospect, even saying: “I’m going to pump a bunch of kids into you.” [Editor’s Note: Ew.]
During one pod date, Nancy revealed she was a multiple-time egg donor and may already be the biological mother to over 100 children as a result. She signed forms consenting to allow these children to have access to information about her in the future, should they desire to meet their biological mother one day. Given her time as a speech pathologist working with children and her reproductive healthcare experiences, it’s clear Nancy has put serious long-term thought and care into her opinions on family planning.
Bartise, on the other hand, reveals that until this conversation, he wasn’t aware that women in their late 30s run a higher risk of having children born with birth defects.
Nancy told Bartise that if she learned during pregnancy that her child would be born with serious birth defects that could lead to long-term pain for the child, she would choose to have an abortion. She has seen firsthand what difficulties the children and their families can face through her work, and she’d rather not put a child through that. She mentioned that she has seen fathers reject their children with defects and seen families fall apart.
Bartise disagreed with her stance, saying he’d want his partner to continue the pregnancy, which is his opinion to have. But he also took Nancy’s comments to mean that she would abort any child with any disability (which is not what she said). He seemed to be missing the nuance here.
He made his ignorance clear when he said he’d want to keep the child whether they were a boy, girl, transgender, or came out “with three legs,” seemingly equating being trans or having a disability with serious birth defects. Nancy then asked about unplanned pregnancies, and Bartise said any child of his who had an unplanned pregnancy would be allowed one abortion “pass, but you can’t do it again,” with an exception for sexual assault. That said, he doesn’t see Plan B as abortion.
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“I think I have no say in anyone’s body,” Nancy said. “If you need to have an abortion for any X, Y, Z reason, have it.” To which Bartise responded, “That’s f***ing deep.” Nancy then shared she wished her parents were more open to discussing sex when she was younger, and Bartise revealed his parents never had any kind of “birds and the bees” talk with him. They ended the conversation on different terms, but it wasn’t necessarily a fight.
But in Episode 7, Bartise unexpectedly threw Nancy under the bus when meeting his family for the first time. After his sister asked Nancy to describe herself to them, Bartise interrupted and brought up their “fights” about debt and abortion, summarizing (poorly) that Nancy would abort any child with a disability. His sister cried, his mother disagreed but respected Nancy’s perspective after she explained it further, and his father was silent. In a confessional afterward, Bartise implied the moment was unexpected and not deliberately brought up by him.
We asked Nancy and Bartise about this moment in separate interviews about Season 3, and Bartise doubled down on this framing.
“They edited the short version. I think they did a good job of displaying both of those conversations,” he tells TV Insider when asked if there were any moments viewers didn’t see. “Yes, the original conversation with me and Nancy alone did end on a good note, however, the idea of the abortion was not the crux of the conversation. The idea was the child that we planned on having was going to be terminated because it would be a problem for us. It’s like a way of taking the easy way out. And for my sister, who went to college and was in a program that was specifically geared to tending to special needs children, I knew it was going to be a problem if it got brought up at the dinner table, which it did. It was accurately depicted there.”
Yes, it was brought up — but by him. He continues: “I will say it wasn’t a dealbreaker for my family, it was just more of a ‘Watch out for this, Bartise. This is not in line with what we think.’” As for Nancy, she says she knew the abortion topic would be a sticking point in their relationship.
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“My opinions are my opinions. I will own them,” she tells us. “Leading up to that conversation, age was the conversation, like the older you are the more likely you are of having a riskier pregnancy, so it led into a what happens if we have a risky pregnancy, and then that led to the conversation of abortion.”
As for him blindsiding her with his family, she continues: “I do feel that Bartise used my opinion against me. I didn’t think that was fair, because opinions are meant to be opinions for a reason, and it’s almost as though he wanted to find reasons” to be upset. “It was inappropriate for him to bring that up in front of his parents within the first couple of minutes of meeting them, again just feeling like he wasn’t having my back on that. He was using it against me.”
Nancy and Bartise are still together as of Episode 7, but the cracks are getting deeper. The end of the episode featured Bartise continuing his harsh complaints that Nancy isn’t hot enough for him, and he said her beliefs on abortion and other perceived slights were painful things she was “putting him” through. Have we found this season’s villain?
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Comments are closed on this story.
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R
I think Nancy did a disservice to individuals with Down Syndrome. She should be ashamed of herself. Since she does not have a child with a disability, she should not speak to the challenges that we face. I’m my opinion, the challenges are far less than the joy I find in raising a daughter with Down Syndrome. She calls herself a “professional” and then speaks that way about her clients. As a parent of a child with Down Syndrome, she definitely lost my vote. No longer team Nancy.
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C
Nancy deserves better than Bartise. She is so respectful during their conversation and he does her dirty by throwing her under the bus during the parents meeting. Who brings that up as a dinner topic for a first meeting??
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B
Bartise deserves better than Nancy.
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O
As a mother of a child, who has Down syndrome, I can advocate for parents. There are a ton of resources, grants, and groups that help us out. My child is not a financial burden because she has a disability. It’s quite the opposite. I am apart of an amazing community, with a ton of help. People don’t get hear the positive side of having a child with a disability. Which is sad, no wonder the world thinks it’s scary and hard. Our family has had so many positive once in a lifetime experiences with our daughter. Meeting professional baseball players who are sponsoring our community, our local hockey team as well. We have private events where that our reserved for our community at no cost: water parks, bourse sleigh rides, sports games, movie theaters and drive ins. We have specialist, doctors, and theropist that help our children out. The quality of life for my child is something typical people do not have. She loves herself, the way she looks, people around her, and her family. She lights up a room she enters. People are drawn to her positivity. I have learned more from her than I could ever imagine. Never once have I felt burden by my child. She has helped my family become more inclusive, learn about love, and forgiveness, and gives more hugs than anyone I know. You talk to the majority of parents in this community and you will find that most parents feel the same. Nancy should not speak for us about our challenges and trauma. Especially when it is inaccurate information.
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As a mom of a disabled child, please DO NOT advocate that it would be better for a disabled child to not be born. Yes it’s difficult, but the joy and unconditional love that has been brought into my life being my son’s mom has been unquestionably amazing. Nancy’s stance perpetuates the idea that the disabled have no value and nothing could be further from the truth
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G
She said what SHE would do in that situation. She didn’t weigh in on what others should do.
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G
Nancy specifically said “even Down Syndrome”. She said she sees how much work a family has to put into caring for a special needs child, but she didn’t say anything about whether those families are still grateful they have their special needs children and whether those children still bring them joy despite the “trauma” that Nancy said.
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B
This article puts Bartise as a villain. I understand his point of view. I don't agree with Nancy.
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O
This would 100 percent be a deal breaker for me. I loved his response. I thought I liked her but I lost respect for nancy....
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O
Nancy is clearly the villain, especially with being okay with terminating a life.
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B
Agree
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R
at the end of the day, it's nancy's body and her choice no matter what. but also, if both parents aren't mentally ready to have a disabled child, mentally or financially (if its gonna be hard paying for stuff to improve the disabled child's life on top of other bills to pay) then they shouldn't have the child. also bartise was an ass besides this conversation, i can't believe yall are siding for him LOL.
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