Baby, It’s Auld Outside: New Year’s TV Resolutions for 2019

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Big_Mouth_S02E01_9m56s14304f
Netflix

I Will…

Get more people to watch Big Mouth
Netflix’s adolescence cartoon is fast becoming the most quotable, relatable and re-watchable animated series since Archer.

The Big Bang Theory
Bill Inoshita/CBS

I Will Not…

Start watching Big Bang Theory just because it’s ending. We’ve lived apart for this long, so if it ain’t broke…

riverdale-cast
The CW

I Will Not…

Be ashamed to tell people that Riverdale is one of the most entertaining and stylish soaps to hit TV in a decade. They may laugh, but that just means their lives are without Cheryl Blossom and they deserve our pity.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Season 6
Trae Patton/NBC

I Will…

Watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine live. Can’t have NBC doing to the squad what Fox did, right?

bbc-news

I Will…

Start getting my news from the BBC. Because US news outlets (and I’m talking all of them) are too busy reporting on what the other is or isn’t reporting. Also, it’s a lot easier to hear the horror stories out of Washington from someone with a fancy accent.

Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
Gavin Bond/Netflix

I Will…

Embrace my inner Jonathan, find myself a Tan and forgive all of the Antonis.

New York Comic Con 2018 - Day 2
Getty

I Will…

Stop engaging with toxic fandoms. It’s awesome folks are so into their shows that they get emotional. But when ya get nasty, misogynistic and downright cruel because of a difference of opinion over fictional characters, I wind up tweeting something crappy, then a bunch of people call for my firing and just, no. I’m out. And you’re blocked.

lgn207a_0021r
Bettina Strauss/The CW

I Will…

Not rest until Legends of Tomorrow returns to the annual Arrowverse crossover. They are the most fun, they have Constantine now and Sara Lance (Caity Lotz) is a damn boss. The superteam deserves to be part of the action and is, in a way, necessary if they’re gonna pull of ‘Crisis on Infinite Earths’ next year.

Real Housewives of Dallas

I Will…

Try to give The Real Housewives of Dallas another chance. Every season, I think ‘this one looks fun’ and then I forget about it or confuse the entire bunch of ’em with the Southern Charm fools.

game-of-thrones

I Will…

Read the Game of Thrones books before the show begins its final season in April.
[Note: This will not happen.]

The Bold Type
Freeform/Justin Coit

I Will…

Catch up on The Bold Type. I know, I know, it’s so good. But I slacked off on last season and miss being in a world were working for a magazine is actually glamorous.

Amazon Fire TV Cube
Amazon

I Will…

Stop being so dependent on my home-entertainment tech. It’s bad when you walk into someone else’s house and tell Alexa to turn on the TV. Especially when they don’t have an Amazon Fire TV Cube.

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Streaming wars. Cable news shows bitching about… cable news shows. Reboots of revivals. The TV year that got weirder as the days went by is finally coming to a close, and it’s a good time to reflect on those entertainments that worked, needed work and simply worked our nerves.

Peak TV refused to ease up, leading the medium from its much-heralded Golden Age to more of a Golden Corral buffet: a ton of options and only a few true delicacies. And next year looks to bring even more menu items, with something close to 500 scripted programs coming our way in 2019. I don’t know about ya’ll, but that’s just too much, even for someone who loves TV enough to have picked a career writing about it.

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So in the spirit of setting some boundaries with my flat-screen and saving whatever sanity is left after enduring an entire season of that dreadful Lost in Space, here are my TV resolutions for the new year.