Best Lines of the Week (December 16-22): 'I Don't Buy That Jesus Was a Capricorn'
Lucy: I don’t care about the past anymore, as we may not have a future. All that matters is right now.
— Things get intense as Lucy (Abigail Spencer) and the others set out to find Rufus in the two-hour series finale
Schitt’s Creek (POP)
Stevie: I have my own holiday tradition. It’s like the 12 Days of Christmas, but it’s one day with 12 bottles of wine.
— Stevie (Emily Hampshire) buys some wine for the Rose family Christmas party and grabs extra bottles for herself
The Real Housewives of New Jersey (Bravo)
Teresa Giudice: You’ve been here five minutes, if you want to make it to 10, I would shut it if I were you.
— Margaret’s fun brunch goes south when Teresa tells Jackie how she really feels about her
Fuller House (Netflix)
Stephanie: Stay away from cats. The animal, the musical, and the deli. The website wasn’t specific.
— Stephanie (Jodie Sweetin) gets too worried with Kimmy’s (Andrea Barber) pregnancy
Full Frontal with Samantha Bee: Christmas On I.C.E. (TBS)
Samantha Bee: Personally, I don’t buy that Jesus was a capricorn.
— Samantha Bee hosts a Christmas special to bring awareness to immigration laws
Murphy Brown (CBS)
Phyllis: Over the holidays, everybody eats and drinks like there’s no tomorrow. Then January 1st rolls around and they realize that they’ve become fat drunks, so for the next two weeks nobody orders anything except club soda and lettuce.
— Phyllis (Tyne Daly) decides she doesn't want to throw a New Year’s Eve party, even though it is the 100th anniversary of Phil’s
Claire Fraser: Chopping down cherry trees… is what a young boy would do.
— Claire Fraser (Caitriona Balfe) responding to George Washington (Simon Harrison) about how he spent his youth
Happy Together (CBS)
Jake: Don’t worry babe, that restaurant is terrible. To quote your dad on our wedding day, ‘I give it six months.’
— Jake (Damon Wayans Jr.) tries to comfort Claire (Amber Stevens West) after her boss rearranges her restaurant design without her permission
Ellen DeGeneres: Relatable (Netflix)
Ellen: When I married Portia, she had a little ladder. So I have a step-ladder, but I love it just the same.
— Ellen talks about how ladders are an adult purchase on her Netflix special
From a Schitt's Creek holiday party to a brunch meltdown on The Real Housewives of New Jersey, this week was full of drama, joy, and some hilarious moments.
Click through the gallery above to see our favorite lines of the week!
New dramas, comedies, and thrillers coming soon.