Best Lines of the Week (March 10-16): ‘It Smells Like Pennies and Burps’

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schitts creek

Schitt’s Creek (Pop)

David: Ugh! It smells like pennies and burps.

—David (Dan Levy) smelling the cheaper lotion sold by his competitors.

AP bio

A.P. Bio (NBC)

Heather: I drink, I cuss, I sleep around. What are you gonna do about it?

Nun: I don’t think you do any of those things.

Heather: I use the B-word sometimes…

Nun: Who doesn’t?

—Heather (Allisyn Ashley Arm) while being interrogated by the nuns from the town’s church.

pump rules

Vanderpump Rules (Bravo)

Tom: So, let me take off my vegan leather jacket here.

Ariana: Yeah, he was trying to look cool going to the motorcycle shop. I told him it wasn’t working.

—Tom Sandoval misses his morning meeting at his new restaurant, TomTom, to go rent a motorcycle for him and Tom Schwartz to ride to the grand opening. He wears a leather jacket and his girlfriend, Ariana Madix, makes fun of him.

the neighborhood

The Neighborhood (CBS)

Marty: Roast beef on rye. See, that’s a man’s lunch! Wait, no juice box?

—Marty (Marcel Spears) looking through his lunch that his mother, Tina (Tichina Arnold), made him for work

the other two
Comedy Central

The Other Two (Comedy Central)

Jordan: Uber for Jordan? I’m Jordan.

Streeter: This isn’t an Uber.

Jordan: Sorry, I don’t like it when the drivers talk to me.

—Streeter (Ken Marino) being mistaken for an Uber driver while waiting to give his birthday gift to Chase (Case Walker).

bobs burgers

Bob’s Burgers (Fox)

Gene: We had a spelling test and I think I did B-A-D-D.

—Gene Belcher’s (Eugene Mirman) response to how his day at school went.


Schooled (ABC)

Lainey: Welcome to my office. Take a seat on the bucket … that’s the good chair.

—Lainey (AJ Michalka) inviting her best friend Erica (Hayley Orrantia) into her drab office.

now apocalypse

Now Apocalypse (STARZ)

Uly: I’m a double Scorpio. It’s the most psychic of all the signs.

—Uly (Avan Jogia) trying to prove to Carly (Kelli Berglund) that he had a premonition.


Good Girls (NBC)

Annie: That’s why it’s called “the dark web.” It’s not meant for us.

—Annie (Mae Whitman) suggesting she, Beth (Christina Hendricks) and Ruby (Retta) check out the dark web for someone to do their dirty work.


SMILF (Showtime)

Tutu: Honey, your hair looks like that Bo lady. Bo…uh…

Bridgette: Derek!

Tutu: Bo Derek. And Derek was that guy they killed on Grey’s Anatomy. Remember? It was so sad. He was the lead too.

—After smoking weed, Tutu (Rosie O’Donnell) tells her daughter Bridgette (Frankie Shaw) about who she looks like with cornrows while remembering one of the saddest fictional TV deaths.

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Another stellar week from all of our faves like A.P. Bio, Good Girls and so much more!

Click through our gallery to see our favorite lines of the week!

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Paley Center for Media Announces Moderators for PaleyFest LA 2019

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