Best Lines of the Week (July 30-August 5): ‘That’s Better Than My Rap Name’

'Dave' Star Lil Dicky
FX

This week brought everything from inspirational messages to biting sarcasm to hilarious anecdotes as we kicked off the month of August.

Rick and Morty showed us the difficulties of fighting monsters with a giant robot, iCarly made a convincing argument for girls’ trips being better than guys’ trips, and Gossip Girl made it clear there’s no time to waste when it comes to promoting your image. Meanwhile, RuPaul’s Drag Race featured a funny story about an old friend, John Oliver made some apt comparisons on Last Week Tonight, and Paris Hilton showed off her gastronomical knowledge (or lack thereof) on Cooking with Paris.

Find out if your favorite lines made the cut below!

'Cocaine Cowboys: The Kings of Miami' Star Marilyn
Netflix

Cocaine Cowboys: The Kings of Miami (Netflix)

“He spent three weeks trying to get my number. I said, ‘I’ll give you one number per week.’”

— Marilyn Bonachea explains how she first met her boyfriend, Sal Magulta, a Miami cocaine kingpin.

'Cooking With Paris' Star Paris Hilton
Netflix

Cooking with Paris (Netflix)

“This is chives? What do I do with it?”

Paris Hilton goes grocery shopping and asks a worker a question about chives.

Beth in 'Rick and Morty'
Adult Swim

Rick and Morty (Adult Swim)

“Since when does this house care about alien lives? We don’t even watch British television.”

— Beth (Sarah Chalke) is skeptical after her kids try to convince her to fight giant monsters and save alien planets.

'Last Week Tonight With John Oliver' Season 8 Episode 19
HBO

Last Week Tonight With John Oliver (HBO)

“This is basically the Bill Cosby comeback tour of political crises. We can all see where it’s going, and if we don’t act quickly something terrible is going to happen.”

John Oliver uses a biting analogy to show how bad the situation of leaving Afghan translators behind without offering them asylum in the US could be.

'iCarly' Star Nathan Kress
Paramount+

iCarly (Paramount+)

“What? I’ve been on tons of girls’ trips. They’re way better than guys’ trips. They’re organized, they’re indoors, and nobody teases you if you want to drink some rosé!”

— Freddie (Nathan Kress) expounds on the virtues of going on girls’ trips as a guy.

'Dave' Star Lil Dicky
FX

Dave (FX)

“Orhan, the painter, that’s got a ring to it. That’s better than my rap name.”

— Dave (Lil Dicky) talking to the staff painter telling him he’s there to see legendary producer Rick Rubin

'RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars' Star RuPaul
Paramount+

RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars (Paramount+)

“I heard her once, they asked her what her favorite food was. She says, ‘Well, my favorite food is sushi. But at the same time I don’t like fish and I don’t like rice.’”

RuPaul tells contestant Ra’Jah O’Hara a story about La Toya Jackson: the celebrity Ra’Jah is impersonating in the Snatch Game and Ru’s friend of 25 years.

'Gossip Girl' 2021 Star Savannah Lee Smith
HBO Max

Gossip Girl (HBO Max)

​​”You need to take those barely sentient succubi down before they wind up on This American Life, because you can’t compete with that!”

— Monet (Savannah Lee Smith) warns Julien (Jordan Alexander) she has to move fast to outshine her rivals after they capitalize on the publicity of an almost-shooting at their school.

'High School Musical: The Musical: The Series' Star Sofia Wylie
Disney+

High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (Disney+)

“EJ! You got bad intel. Can I kiss you? Will you be my first kiss?”

—Gina (Sofia Wylie) clears up the misconception that she sees EJ (Matt Cornett) as an older brother figure rather than a romantic one.

Tokyo Olympics Women's Shot Put Silver Medalist Raven Saunders
NBC Sports

Women’s Shot Put (NBC Sports)

“I want to give a shoutout to all of the LGBTQ community, everybody that’s dealing with mental health issues, everybody that’s Black. I’m giving a shoutout to everybody, bro.”

— Raven Saunders dedicates her Olympic silver medal in shot put to the intersection of all oppressed people, represented by the X symbol she made at the podium.