Best Lines of the Week (Feb. 23-March 1): ‘I Feel Obligated to Get a Catalog of Vaginas’

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Last Week Tonight

Last Week Tonight With John Oliver

John: “Now, Italy is holding an election next Sunday to select a new Parliament, and eventually a new Prime Minister, and you’re probably thinking at this point, ‘I don’t even know who Italy’s current Prime Minister is. I assumed it was just a Vespa in a tank top.’”
– John Oliver discusses the upcoming Italian election and ends up throwing his hat in the ring to run for Italy’s Prime Minister.

Survivor - Jacob Derwin

Survivor: Ghost Island

Jacob: “I think I was like jumping out of my pants getting all that information out.”
– Jacob responds to Jeff Probst’s questions about his trip to Ghost Island, continuing to try and trick his castaways that he found a Hidden Immunity Idol.

TheChallenge - Johnny Bananas

The Challenge: Vendettas

Johnny: “Kailah’s plea to me as to why she should not go in, goes to show why, strategically, this girl is a complete moron.”
– Johnny Bananas looks to target Kailah for elimination after she reveals to him the strong allies she’s working with.

A.P. Bio - Patton Oswalt
Vivian Zink/NBC)


Jack: “I mean… these kids are old enough to get pregnant. They can’t be left alone for two seconds?”
Ralph: “That’s literally the reason they shouldn’t be left alone.”

– A.P. Biology teacher Jack Griffin (Glenn Howerton) butts heads with Principal Ralph Durbin (Patton Oswalt) over leaving the students alone in the classroom.

America's Next Top Model

America’s Next Top Model

Kyla: “When’s ‘Life-Size 2’ coming out?!”
– Kyla Coleman gets silly in the middle of her photo shoot when she asks Tyra when the sequel to Life-Size is coming out.

UNREAL - Shiri Appleby


Rachel: “Sequins pop. Cleavage communicates a certain willingness to participate in the process.”
– Rachel (Shiri Appleby) helps a contestant pick out a dress for the new season of Everlasting.

Unsolved: The Murders of Tupac and The Notorious B.I.G. - Season 1
Richie Knapp/USA Network

Unsolved: The Murders of Tupac and the Notorious B.I.G.

B.I.G.: “Chickity, check it, B.I.G. about to wreck it. Come through with my Brooklyn crew, you know how we do stick and move. And smack all dummies nothin’ funny. Get jacked for your girl and your money, I be the realest and the illest.”
– The Notorious B.I.G. (Wavyy Jonez) freestyles at a party with Tupac.

Shane Harvey/The CW


Liv: “Russell Wilson, I would have your babies.”
– After eating the brain of a die-hard Seahawks fan, Liv Moore (Rose McIver) starts exhibiting his Hawks-obsessed behavior.

Vanderpump Rules - Lisa Vanderpump
Isabella Vosmikova/USA Network

Vanderpump Rules

Lisa: “I feel obligated to get a catalogue of vaginas and see if I need a new one.”
– After hearing of how Billie chose the surgeon for her gender reassignment surgery, Lisa Vanderpump jokes about getting a vaginal rejuvenation of her own.

The Walking Dead - Chandler Riggs
Frank Ockenfels 3/AMC

The Walking Dead

Carl: “You can’t kill all of ‘em dad. There’s gotta be something after.”
– Before succumbing to a fatal walker bite, Carl (Chandler Riggs) reminds his father to hold onto the person he used to be.

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From the emotion-filled return of The Walking Dead, to the hilarious season premiere of iZombie, this week was filled with entertainment for everyone.

Click through the gallery above to see our 10 favorite lines on TV from this past week!

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