Best Lines of the Week (April 13-19): ‘He’s About to Have His Second Baby Mama’

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John Oliver

Last Week Tonight

John: “You know, buy Russell Crowe’s jockstrap and send it to one of the last remaining Blockbusters in Alaska. Even that sentence is absolutely incredible to say out loud. The bad news is, we didn’t do it. I’m sorry. We did though. We did. We absolutely did.”
– John Oliver discusses his $8,540 purchase of Russell Crowe’s jockstrap to donate to a struggling Blockbusters store in Alaska.

The Walking Dead - Andrew Lincoln
Gene Page/AMC

The Walking Dead

Rick: “We are life. That’s death! And it’s coming for us, unless we stand together! So go home. Then the work begins. The new world begins. All this is just what was. There’s gotta be something after.”
– After finally bringing the war with the Saviors to an end, Rick (Andrew Lincoln) gives an impassioned speech to unite the two groups.

Laurie Metcalf as Mary McGowan in Supergirl - 'Schott Through the Heart'
Dean Buscher/The CW


Mary: “Bastard always wanted to go out with a bang!”
– Mary (Laurie Metcalfe), Winn’s estranged mother and wife of Toyman, is less than pleased when a bomb detonates and almost kills her at Toyman’s funeral.

Matt LeBlanc as Adam Burns in Man With A Plan - 'Out With the In-Laws'

Man With A Plan

Adam: “Well who knows what she’s been hiding? We’ve been married 17 years we hide lots of stuff. I have a hollowed out book just for M&M’s.”
– Adam (Matt LeBlanc) grows worried over how easily his wife Andi (Liza Snyder) can tell white lies to their children.


Bob’s Burgers

Tina: “I’m a mature young woman now who just flushes her poop, and that’s that.”
– Tina (Dan Mintz) defends her childhood toilet song when Louise (Kristen Schaal) shows the embarrassing video to the family.

Theresa Caputo

Long Island Medium

Theresa: “She says I want to thank you. She says because you were her rock.”
– At a Long Island Coalition Against Bullying event, Theresa connects with Carmella’s best friend, Emma, who took her own life.

Saturday Night Live - Season 43 - Robert De Niro as Attorney Robert Muller, Ben Stiller as Attorney Michael Cohen

Saturday Night Live

Ben: “I’m Donald Trump’s lawyer. I got a whole hard drive that’s just labeled, ‘Yikes!’”
– Ben Stiller parodies President Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen and the events of this past week in the cold open.

Sara Gilbert in the revival of Roseanne


Darlene: “Let me get this straight. While I have been picking up kids clothes, dealing with meltdowns, cleaning up vomit … you’re dating a crayon?”
– Darlene (Sara Gilbert) is blindsided and expresses anger toward her husband, David (Johnny Galecki) when she hears about his new girlfriend, Blue.


Jersey Shore: Family Vacation

Vinny: “If Ronnie gets any closer to this girl he’s about to have his second baby mama.”
– The Jersey Shore crew gets concerned when Ronnie gets too comfortable around girls at a club, despite having a baby on the way with a girl at home.

Tom Schwartz - Vanderpump Rules - Season 5

Vanderpump Rules

Tom: “Katie’s my wife in life, but in business, Tom is my wife. And I’m ready to make that commitment, and I hope we have beautiful business babies together.”
– As the two Toms venture into the restaurant business together, Tom Schwartz recognizes the importance of their bond.

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From the season finale of The Walking Dead to the non-stop antics of Jersey Shore: Family Vacation, this week was filled with both drama and humor.

Click through the gallery above to see our 10 favorite lines on TV this week!