Best Lines on TV This Week: ‘Care for an ‘Eye d’Oeuvre’?’

Stitchers (Halloween Special)

“Care for an eye d’oeuvre?”
— Camille (Allison Scagliotti) gets punny about eye-shaped hor d’oeuvres

Camille: “What do you have against corn?”
Cameron: “Corn on the cob? Nothing. Corn tortialls? Bring it. Popcorn, corn chowder, corn muffins? I’m all over that. But pretend corn trying to be popcorn? Pass.”
Camille: “Read the first ingredient.”
Cameron: “Corn syrup.”
— Camille (Allison Scagliotti) and Cameron (Kyle Harris) debate the merits of candy corn

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

“You’re going to jail for oolong time.”
— Jake (Andy Samberg) preps quippy remarks in anticipation of nabbing the Oolong Slayer

Jake: “Looks like we’ve both got a pretty bad case of jerk boss.”
Holt: “Yes, yours is an idiot, and mine is a fork-tongued lizard witch.”
— Jake (Andy Samberg) and Captain Holt (Andre Braugher) exchange “pleasantries” about their bosses

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

“What’s up with your resting Maggie Smith face?”
— Rebecca (Rachel Bloom) comes up with a creative description for Greg’s (Santino Ferrara) expression

Faking It

“Holy nipslip! That V goes all the way down to your V!”
— Amy (Rita Volk) is shocked by Karma’s (Katie Stevens) prom dress choice.

Scream Queens

“There are two things that always happen at a slumber party: Someone experiments with lesbianism and secrets are revealed.”
— Zayday (Keke Palmer) reveals her master plan to get the sorority to spill the identity of the killer

Modern Family

Mitchell: “What was I supposed to do? I mean, he was all sad and pathetic and broken.”
Cameron: “Oh well, yes, the perfect addition to any party … Thanks to you, we’re throwing the anti-social event of the season.”
—Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) and Cameron (Eric Stonestreet) argue about whether to invite Raymond (Kevin Berntson) to a party

“Don’t let your skinny jeans cut off the blood to your hearts.”
— Phil (Ty Burrell) tries to give some feel-good advice to a group of teen boys that include his son and nephew

The Big Bang Theory

Sheldon: “Sword fighting does hold a certain elegant appeal and I would imagine mit meets many of our personal criteria for a sport.”
Leonard: “Indoors, so no sunscreen.”
Sheldon: “No throwing, no catching, no running.”
Leonard: “No gym shorts that can be yanked down.”
Sheldon: “Or worse, up.”
Leonard: “Preach.”
— Sheldon (Jim Parsons) and Leonard (Johnny Galecki) list the merits of fencing

Grandfathered

Jimmy: “That’s my style. I show up fashionably late so I don’t have to have awkward chit-chat with the host.”
Sara: “The host was me.”
Jimmy: “Clearly my plan didn’t work.”
— Jimmy (John Stamos) realizes he put his foot in his mouth

Once Upon a Time

“You think I’m worried about them? Those two can outlive a cockroach.”
— Regina (Lana Parrilla) on the lasting effect of Mary Margaret (Ginnifer Goodwin) and David’s (Josh Dallas) marriage

The Flash

“Being a superhero isn’t always about how fast you can run. It’s about helping however you can, wherever you’re needed most. I think that Jay Garrick, physicist, has just as much to contribute as Jay Garrick, superhero.”
— Caitlin (Danielle Panabaker) gives a pep talk to Jay Garrick (Teddy Sears) who’s nostalgic for his super speed

Castle

“Our witness is threatening to file a complaint against me for assault with a deadly odor. Says that I smell like soiled baby diapers and Javi’s cologne is, quote, ‘Satan’s butt sweat.'”
— Ryan (Seamus Dever) feels insecure about his and Javier’s (Jon Huertas) body odor

The Mindy Project

Not gonna judge. 🙊 #MindyOnHulu pic.twitter.com/X0VkbWAWdU — The Mindy Project (@TheMindyProject) October 21, 2015