Best Lines on TV This Week: Pants-Dropping, Face-Punching, And Other Family Traditions

The Middle

“Hello, Summer! Goodbye, pants! I will see you in September.”

—Axl (Charlie McDermott) relays all of our summer dreams while talking to his trousers as he enters the Heck home after a semester at college.

Jane the Virgin

“Five more minutes of pain, for a lifetime of happiness. So push, or I’ll yank that kid out myself!”

—Alba (Ivonne Coll) to Xiomara (Andrea Navedo) in a flashback, and then Xiomara to Jane (Gina Rodriguez) as per Villanueva child-birth tradition.

Game of Thrones

“Long sullen silences and an occasional punch in the face: The Mormont way.”

—Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) grows tired of Jorah’s (Iain Glen) company.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Rosa: “Why don’t you just get one of them in then let them take turns going to school every other day?”
Terry: “That’s crazy [Beat.] I asked my wife and she said no.”

—Rosa (Stephanie Beatriz) and Terry (Terry Crews) discuss his twin children’s future education opportunities.

Inside Amy Schumer

“I’m just a broken-down woodsman who thought he could act.”

—Bill Hader as former porn star Doug Saint Hammer trying to act in a pizza commercial in the sketch, “Pizza World Nights.”

Arrow

“My name is Oliver Queen. After five years in hell, I returned home with only one goal—to save my city. And I did. I became a hero who helped people. But now it’s time for me to be someone else. It’s time for me to be something else.”

—Oliver Queen’s (Stephen Amell) voiceover as he moves onto different pastures in the Season 3 finale.

Salem
Mary: “What kind of a man woos with blackmail?”
Sebastian: “It’s not the beginning of love that matters—it’s love’s end. And trust me, I know how our story ends. It ends like this: ‘And they lived happily ever after.'”

—The Countess’ son Sebastian (Joe Doyle) gets real creepy with Mary (Janet Montgomery).