‘Special Forces’: Ruby Rose Explains Decision to Quit & Gives Update on Neck Injury

Ruby Rose‘s journey on Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test ended in Episode 2 after she voluntarily withdrew from the course. After battling both physical and mental setbacks, Rose chose to hand in her armband and her time on the show came to an end.

“In typical Ruby style, I didn’t get injured doing anything particularly courageous or interesting to watch,” the actress pointed out to TV Insider. “It was as soon as I relaxed.”

The episode showed Rose completing a mission where the recruits had to climb down a ladder dangling in the air and retrieve a bag, then bring the bag back up to the top, all in five minutes. But after “calamity passing” the mission, according to the Directing Staff (DS), she hit her head on the roof of the car that was driving the recruits back to camp.

“The funny thing is, I’d done it twice, hit my head,” she shared. “I did it on the first day getting into the car as well. And it was just that, I think, because the boots had a slight platform, it was like I was a bit taller than I’ve ever been, maybe, jumping in the back of a car…  But the first time I was able to laugh it off and be like, ‘Wow, don’t do that again.'”

Because of her past neck injury and surgery, Rose said she has an “overreaction” to injuries near that part of her body. “I knew the whole time I’d have to be very careful of my neck because there could be a chance something really tiny would take me out,” she explained. But it wasn’t until she had a second to relax that she started to feel unable to move on.

“It wasn’t that I was in a huge amount of pain,” Rose said. “There was a little bit of tightness where my neck just wanted to overcompensate, but there wasn’t any actual injury. It was just that my body was like, ‘You’ve done it again. It’s happening.'” That, coupled with her emotionally taxing time in tactical questioning with the DS, sent Rose to her breaking point.

Pete Dadds/ FOX

By the time the group arrived at the next mission, she noticed a “delay in [her] sight” and said she “felt off.” Worried that she would injure herself further, she decided to withdraw. Scroll down for more from our chat with Rose where she discussed her unexpected relationships with George Santos and Collin Gosselin, and more.

What would you say was the hardest part of the course that you had to contend with? Was the physical or mental aspect harder for you?

Ruby Rose: Odd things affected me. I guess I wasn’t completely surprised, but I certainly expended a lot of mental energy wondering if I was being a burden to other people or whether I was going to slow down other people on the course. I didn’t love having to interrupt people to come to the bathroom with me or to ask for any type of help. I know that’s a problem of mine, and I know that obviously I can tell where that’s come from in childhood and all the rest, but I’ve done so much work on it. I was a little surprised by how visceral the response of, “I just won’t go to the toilet” was. The idea that you can just go up to somebody, ask them to walk you somewhere or help you do something, and they do it, and now your friendship is stronger, and then they feel like they can come to you … It’s a very simple lesson that most people learn from a young age, but I’m still trying to get to that point of not feeling like when I ask for help, I’ll be killed or yelled at.

And getting to do the course with those people, specifically, I really didn’t feel like there was someone that I couldn’t ask for help, even though I felt like I couldn’t ask anyone. I also knew in my mind that all of these people would help me willingly and without judgment. So it was that internal battle. I had this strange internal battle of, “Why am I being so nice to George?” at the beginning. Because when I saw him, I had one reaction and thought, “Well, I have opinions on his past.” But I was really nice to him and treated him like a normal person, and I’m so glad that I did. But in the course, I was like, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I…” And then I realized I had to spend more time later to [realize] I didn’t feel threatened when I saw him, and I didn’t feel certain ways, and I treated him how I’d like to be treated, and I don’t know why I’m still angry at myself.

I’d be more upset had I been mean to him, too, to be fair.

I mean you were all in it together, so the only thing is help each other.

But in the course, I felt like maybe I was letting somebody down in that moment. But I also had to realize that’s not my position. We’re all in the exact same spot. I’m not a DS, that’s their job. I’m just here to make sure that we all get through this thing, that we can do this. So I definitely expended energy on ridiculously stupid things that didn’t matter while other people were focused on the things that counted. But I get to take that lesson and keep working on it, so that’s a value to me.

Would you say that there was anyone who you got particularly close with on the show?

I reckon almost all of them, but I think Collin, in a different kind of way, even before we connected more, which was after the show. But in my experience, when people suffer from CPTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder) or from childhood abuse, we do have this way of seeing each other. It’s almost like the only silver lining. Same with survivors of sexual assault and stuff like that. We can have a little bit of a radar for other people that have been through the same thing, and I don’t get to experience that very often. I know it’s really common, but I don’t get to meet a lot of people that have the same experience as me. And so I could tell pretty early with Collin from a few things, and then we just knew, and then we got to talk more about it outside, and that was a very beautiful experience to have. He’s a very special guy.

How are you doing physically today? Is this neck injury something you’re going to have to deal with for the rest of your life, or is it something that you are still able to rehab? Where do you stand with that?

No, that’ll be for the rest of my life because there’s permanent spinal damage done from when they were all pressing against the spinal cord and they’d already severed through the protective layer. So I’m always going to have not feeling hands, pins and needles, tightness, whatever. And I just broke my ribs in a ridiculous backyard pool accident, and they’re in the wrong spot.

Pete Dadds/ FOX

Yeah, it’s obviously changed my life and it’ll speed up my demise, those sort of things. I have an autoimmune disease now because of that as well. So yeah, it all becomes comorbid and everything gets involved. But look, this sort of stuff, this happens to people in life.

We’re not only valuable because of our bodies. I know Special Forces is very much about what we can do, but there are people that have incredible bodies or fitness or whatever, and they can’t handle the mental, and they’re out before a younger girl or a skinny guy. So I think that also is something to be aware of. It’s like…  maybe I can’t jump out of helicopters as much as I could before, but maybe now I can go speak at a school and talk to kids that may have accidents in the future and know how to deal with it or deal with their friends that end up with a disability. It’s like, what’s more important and valuable?

When you got pulled in with the DS, you said to them that you were performing poorly and they completely disagreed with you. They told you that you were doing such a great job. Was that motivating for you at all at that point?

Unfortunately, everything was sort of in one ear. At that point, I was trying to be there with them, but I also didn’t believe them, which is … that’s how bad that self esteem can be. It’s like, in my mind I thought, “No, I know better. I’m not doing well. You guys are being really nice to me,” despite the fact that they’re not known to ever do that. They just tell you the truth. But I couldn’t get out of it. I remember there were a few things he said and I thought, “He’s right.” And then I’d think, “No, he just doesn’t know that I suck.”

Related

What Happened Between Ruby Rose & Katy Perry?

You mentioned that that part of it was very emotionally taxing for you and how much you cried and everything. Take me back a little bit to that moment, and do you feel like you got everything out of it that you wanted to, and do you feel like you spoke your truth in the way you wanted to when you were in there with them?

I didn’t think I would talk about all the things that I talked about. I wasn’t able to talk about everything in my life, but I was able to talk about a bunch of things. But did I get everything that I wanted out of it? I got more out of it. I just got something entirely different. Obviously, I got so much out of the emotional, the healing side, the friendship, camaraderie, the getting over heights, more, just … so much value for such a short amount of time in there, more value than I probably had off any project in my life.

I don’t know how to speak high enough about it. But as far as what I thought I wanted out of it, I didn’t get that because I wasn’t at the physical level I needed to be to get it, which is why I’m like, “Just do another show.” I can get that somewhere else. I could go and do a marathon or something if I wanted to.

Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test, Season 5, Thursdays, 9/8c, Fox