Stephen Colbert Rips Into Trump After His Tariffs Spark Wall Street Bloodbath

“Is everyone feeling liberated?” Stephen Colbert asked at the top of Thursday’s (April 3) edition of The Late Show as he launched at President Donald Trump over his widespread trade tariffs.

“Today was the first day of trading on Wall Street since Trump slathered our economy in honey and staked it down next to a fire ant hill, and the Dow Jones nosedived 1700 points, joining the S&P and NASDAQ in having their biggest drop since 2020,” the late-night host added. “So, worst day for our economy since COVID.”

“Just a little reminder, this time, he’s the disease,” Colbert quipped before referencing Trump’s reaction to the COVID-19 pandemic, saying, “I’m just spitballing here. Has anyone thought about injecting our money with bleach?”

Colbert did find a silver lining, though, noting, “Now, one bit of good news coming out of all this, it’s all pretty solid proof that there is no deep state because if there was, they would have stopped this s***.”

He continued, “Okay, but if they do exist, I just want to say to the cabal of financial and governmental elites who pull all the strings behind the scenes, maybe put a pause on your 5G chip, JFK Jr, adrenochrome, chemtrail orgy, and jump in here because we’re f****** dying.”

The comedian joked that the only people doing well amid the plummeting stock market are “the proud folks at DownArrow.com.”

“These tariffs are going to increase prices on everything, especially products that are not plentiful here, like coffee,” Colbert added. “Well, I guess we’ll just switch to America’s favorite coffee substitute… meth. In case anyone’s asking, I take mine with cream and two teeth.”

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'The Late Show': Stephen Colbert Rips Into President Trump's Tariffs

He also noted that “chocolate” is another “popular thing we don’t grow here,” joking, “So get ready for America’s favorite new candy, M&M’s Oops All Shells.”

Colbert’s monologue came after Trump unveiled new trade tariffs on all goods entering the United States on Wednesday (April 2). From April 9, around 60 countries will be faced with steep tariffs if they want to export goods to the US, which is already having a significant effect on the stock market.

Amid all this chaos, Trump traveled to Florida to watch golf, to which Colbert responded, “Mr. President, you know the stock market’s not like golf, right? You’re not trying to get the lowest score possible.”

You can watch Colbert’s full opening monologue in the video above and let us know your thoughts below.

The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, Weeknights, 11:35/10:35c, CBS